First of all, folks, I think we can all agree we’re through with this uncreative tongue twisting naming system. It started slow, peaking around Vex Thal, and it’s not going away anytime soon. You’ve heard it all before and I’m just a redundant bastard but…it’s bad enough having to think about it when typing this business but you also have to train your fingers to go to these odd character combinations to get the names right. God forbid you make a typo on one of these words, you’ll have a gaggle of know-it-all-nazis racing to spell it correctly in guild chat just to make you look like a silly goose.

Which is why I’m so happy we’re in Tacvi, Seat of the Slaver. You can almost say that word in English and have it sound natural! Oh ya, we’re in Tacvi now. Don’t you like how I just nonchalantly mentioned that? Truth is, I’m writing this just after we finished getting into Tacvi and I’m still jacked up from kicking Zun’Muram Tkarish Zyk‘s ass but I just wanted to sound like an egotistical bastard; mission accomplished.

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On a serious note, we really are steamrolling content. We haven’t had any major setbacks yet and we’re running like a machine. A good machine too; not one of those shitty generic machines. But, as always, we need to be bigger, stronger and faster. So, if you’re a cleric and you meet our requirements, you should really think about dropping an application. We would love to have you! /smilez

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Ok, let’s get down to the brown. Aside from mauling the assorted content that is in Txevu, Lair of the Elite (see below), we absolutely demolished Zun’Muram Tkarish Zyk tonight. Let me lay out the events of tonight with chronological pictures as a visual aid.

Our very first Tacvi kill! It was a touching moment. /sniff They grow up so fast. Zun’Muram Tkarish Zyk loots were:

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I know we haven’t had a front page update in a while but we’ve been too busy tearing the ‘phonetically challenged’ zone that is Txevu into pieces. Let us show some Before & After pictures of some stuff we’ve killed as of late. As usual the After pictures are much more sexy.

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Here’s some assorted shots of the loot we’ve gotten from Txevu and such. I kept it organized for a while…then I slacked. You can play some sort of matching game where you match the loots with the mob that drops it. Email me your answers and the first person to get them all right gets a big prize of absolutely nothing. May the best man win.

So that is all for now, I promise I’ll be putting better and more frequent updates up on here.

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Now, this is the part of the update that I write something to take up space when I have nothing else to write. If you care, I’m going to complain about Almond Joys, the ‘candy bar’.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Like a kid in a candy store”? Of course you have. That expression can suck it because children are poor and the only thing I picture when I hear that is a depressed child surrounded by aisles of candy that he/she can’t buy. On the other hand, I’m rich and live a luxurious life. So when I went food shopping I happened upon the candy aisle and the little kid part of my brain kicked in and for no apparent reason, except for because I can, I bought a whole like 60 count box of Almond Joys. I don’t even like Almond Joys. It was just the first thing I saw and I had to have them. Not unlike that horrible expression, Almond Joys are deceitful and false when it comes to their name. They should be called, ‘Borderline FDA approved chocolate covering TWO fucking almonds swallowed in a sea of coconut…Joys’. Not only were these not Joyful but they were barely Almond. I’m pretty sure I have pancreatic cancer now because of ingesting these bastards. Try playing EverQuest all jacked up on AJs (that’s what we call them on the street: AJs. You gotta be down to know that). Your eyes will be the size of hubcaps and your leg(s) won’t stop shaking until you puke and pass out. I hated them but I couldn’t put them down. It’s the Devil’s candy, don’t give in. In conclusion:

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Originally posted by qxx • Jul 31, 2004 11:56

Summer is here and that means nothing, but I couldn’t figure out a better way to start this update. What’s in the news? Sadly, Ronald Reagan passed away. Never to be outdone, the Pepsi loving singer/songwriter/pianist/blind prodigy, Ray Charles had to ‘one-up’ Ronnie by dying only a few days later. I guess we know who was a closet Communist.

Moving right along, the word on the street is our News author has moved on. Thankfully, she didn’t die like our beloved ex-president or Ray ‘Iron Curtain’ Charles. So I’ve been lucky enough to be granted the responsibility of updating the front page of the website for now. I’m already slacking though, I didn’t know I’d be doing an update so screenshots and moneyshots might be in short supply, next time I’ll have more…but don’t quote me on that.

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So since the last update, we’ve killed Vrex Barxt Qurat a bunch in the wonderful land of Uqua, the Ocean God Chantry Russian roulette *on*. We’ve been spending ample time in Qvic, Prayer Grounds of Calling just checking it out. In Qvic, we’ve done some slapping around of those half woman-half water buffalo? things and we’ve been getting an ass ton of Muramite molds and some neat augments (90hps/90mana) from them. We’ve killed Cynosure Kvanjji and the Zoo ring event (Iqthinxa Karnkvi) a few times; got some loot, shown below.

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Beyond that we spent a few days lollygagging around Inktu’Ta, the Unmasked Chapel. Oh the fun times we had, it was splendid. We killed us a Kelekdrix, Herald of Trushar a few times. Then, it happened. What happened, you ask? Stonemites happened. Everywhere.

Let me tell you something about stonemites and Inktu’ta. Stonemites are pretty much the fat girl of Inktu’ta. I know I probably just insulted 90% of the female EverQuest population but it’s OK, I’m sure you all have fantastic personalities and are wonderful conversation. Let me explain. You know when you go to the bar, and you work your way through the crowd and all the bullshit to the bar for a drink, and you eye this cutie just across the way. After you drink yourself beyond cirrhosis of the liver, you walk over and go to talk to her. That’s when the fat, ugly, over-possessive friend shows up (who was probably in the bathroom futilely applying makeup to her behemoth face) and does everything in her power to cockblock you. You’ve got your eye on the prize, but you can’t get it until you get past her. It usually ends up the same way every time: You standing naked back where you started, surfing for porn while you wait for your rez…I mean, until you go out again. So in Inktu’ta, you see your goal, you go for your goal but before you can get there a million fat girls, I mean stonemites, fall on you saying things like, “Oh no girl, you came here with me, you’re going home with me”. Eventually we got our friend drunk enough that he would take the stonemites back to his place and fuck them kill them.

Then, much like picking up a random bar whore, we got death touched…a lot. When we finally got to the clinic, we had our shot at Noquifel on Monday, Jun 7th. We smoked him down right quick and got our little token into Txevu. I hate to throw roses at ourselves, but it was a Vazaelle 1st. Actually, I’m more than happy to throw roses at us, pat our own backs and suck our own dicks…metaphorically speaking…not actually, you know, nothing, never mind.

Txevu is a fun place. I was in high hopes that it would be 6% xp per kill, alas, it is not. We were plowing through looking for a fine bitch to get loot from and we found a room with a few sexy Ukuns in it: an event! Forgetting what happened to us just one night ago, we smoothly, strutted on over across the bar to work our magic but wouldn’t you know it: stonemites, by the millions.

Unfortunately, our friend learned his lesson the first time and he wouldn’t take them home tonight, no matter how drunk we got him. So, we had to pass this event by for now and find some girl who was alone, follow her to her car and then…erm, ya so we found some other named to kill. I actually have some alibis screenshots!

Well, that’s our status for now. I’ll try to keep updates coming regularly and remember: stonemites need lovin’ too.

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Originally posted by qxx • Jun 11, 2004 18:22