• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Scumdogs Of The Universe

    Yo everyone. Since we won’t be having any front page updates for a while because we’ll be farming ourselves into a coma while we wait for the new expansion to drop, we wanted to make sure you had a little something to satisfy your hunger for all things Triality. So, here is our newest movie of Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale along with the previously released Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King movie. Hope you enjoy!

    Triality vs. Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale
    54 MB .wmv format

    Ready To Die by Andrew WK
    Triality vs. Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King
    36 MB .wmv format

    Victory Strikes Again by Andrew WK

    The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.

    BEST OVERALL Winston Churchill quote

    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 04, 2006 00:33
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Snapping Necks & Cashing Checks

    Yo everyone. I don’t even know where to start. There is so much to talk about and my fingers are already tired of typing. But I’m going to muscle up and push beyond the crippling strain on my digits. This update has love, it has hate and it probably has herpes. So keep your Valtrex© handy because I’m going to climb onto the top rope and Superfly Jimmy Snuka this update right into your solar plexus. Actually, let’s first take a time-out to talk about recruiting! That’s always fun. Right now, Triality is looking to add these classes our our clam harem:

    Enchanter: 2
    Warrior: 1
    Knights: Hit the showers, you’re finished.
    All other classes: Maybe

    If you think Triality is the warm salvation that you’ve been seeking your entire life, here’s some helpful tips to get you off the streets and into our warm, comforting arms. First, read the requirements on our forums. Then, talk to Orruar or Dalnoth in-game before you apply. Then they’ll make you twirl on the catwalk and if they find you sexy enough to put out on the corner, you get to write your application and we get to make fun of it. Just kidding, we won’t make fun of it. Just kidding, we will. Unless you’re an enchanter, in which case we’ll probably take turns tickling your yam bag.

    So, here’s the deal. On the last update we left off talking about how we rode a tide of vengeance directly into Frostcrypt‘s Adam’s apple. So, if you’ve been taking notes, you’re probably expecting an exciting update detailing our trials and tribulations through Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale. And that’s exactly what we have for you! But, it’s like small. How small? If this update was testicles you’d think it was -20° Centigrade in this bitch. That small. So here are the CliffsNotes:

    • Ashengate East: We won.
    • Ashengate West: We won, again.

    Now you may say, “Where’s the proof” and I may reply, “I’m lazy” but that doesn’t really tell you anything. Some may say, “U GOT SPOILERZ HAhALOLz” and to that I say:

    That kite, so beautifully displayed in the signature colors of the Luclin server, is the only strategy spoiler you need to defeat this entire expansion. That’s the big secret. When in doubt, throw a rope on that bitch and kite your tight little ass off. This was literally our go-to strategy during the entire expansion. But, enough of that. What do we have for you today? How about Triality being the 1st guild, in all of EverQuest, to finish The Serpent’s Spine.

    A few nights ago we were stumbling our way through Ashengate North when we came upon Dyn’leth, Firstborn of Lethar. And we killed him. With absolute ease.

    The Dyn’leth fight is so fucking easy it’s borderline insulting. As long as you can manage to not die in real life while manipulating your EverQuest character on the internet, you’ll win. That’s sadly not surprising considering while we were pulling the pants off of Frostcrypt, every other guild was doing their best to beat Ashengate. Which means all of the Ashengate events had their difficulty balanced against guilds that are decidedly not Triality and it shows by just how easy everything is in all of Ashengate. Let me give you another example of what I mean and what happens when other guilds have to try and beat an event that is delightfully difficult.

    So last night we Crip walked our way into Ashengate North and put a hurtin’ on Lethar the Black. Difficulty aside, this fight was actually very fun and really unique. I feel like this is the first fight in EverQuest, so far, that actually puts you into a time machine and takes you back because this fight had a very NToV kind of vibe about it.

    And upon his death, after Lethar’s Final Stand, came one of our biggest accomplishments as a guild to-date: our first game-wide 1st place expansion victory after defeating all of The Serpent’s Spine before anyone else. Thanks to all the players and haters of Triality that persisted through the worst of it and the best of it. We’ll be here in our little corner of the world farming harder than a Korean LAN party until the next expansion drops. Keep an eye out over here for an Ashengate movie that is in the works to go with our Frostcrypt movie.

    Triality standing above all the rest.

    Which brings us to tonight. Tonight we officially started our farming campaign by romping around Frostcrypt #1, which we haven’t been back to for a few weeks now. We eventually came to Lorekeeper Grenwald. That fight was pretty intense the last time we killed him and we still weren’t comfortable enough to just walk up to him and eat his lunch, or so we thought. So we were prepared for what was arguably the most difficult fight in the whole expansion but when he spawned this time, all we what we got was this:


    This is, of course, is after all the other guilds couldn’t hang with the difficulty of the original version of the Lorekeeper Grenwald fight; the version we defeated. The version we thought was perfectly difficult. Of course, when you throw 46 limp cleric bodies at a mob and it doesn’t die you only have two options and calling up Big Zeke of the Sony Mafia to break Grenwald’s legs is the one that was chosen gg.

    My point is, naturally it isn’t a big surprise that we crushed all of Ashengate with absolute ease since every event in there was balanced against the raid-style of guilds that have more clerics than the Vatican.

    And now for something completely different:

    Look, Ma! The Babysitter Is Giving Me Head!

    by Ophidion

    Instead of going with my original idea of taking a huge shit in a box and mailing it to the designers and developers of the Frostcrypt side of The Serpent Spine, I decided to take a different approach to all of my misplaced anger.
    For those of you who don’t know me, I am Ophidion, scourge of the seven seas, and the only official owner of a cannon that fires AIDS. I also fancy myself to be quite the connoisseur of fine/horrible pornography. Having a sophisticated pallet for this medium, one has to sample as much as possible so they don’t get behind (pun). This is my excuse for flogging the dolphin enough to have my eyes cross and sprout full Santa beards.
    Generally, porn has at least decent acting in it, or in the case of amateur porn, none at all. Amateur porn is excused of acting because it’s all about fucking, not about answering the door to a delivery man with six pounds of cock sticking through a pizza (this is an actual website). Normal porn, or porn with a message/theme HAS to have good acting in it however, or it ends up being a video of a guy your father’s age giving a hot beef injection to a female who is half the age of your toe nail clippings.
    Today I am going to talk about a short clip I downloaded a few weeks ago, but this video has been angering me since I trudged through it. I was quite surprised (well not really, but lets say I was) that there was a FFM porn with the title “MILF Hunter – Kay Parker – Taboo – Babysitter”. There are two words in that novel of an mp3 title that peaked my interest taboo (being a great 80’s porn series that featured some of the greatest porn stars of all time (Honey Wilder being one of them) and Babysitter. Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but fucking babysitters has to be pretty awesome, therefore the movie should be awesome and convincing. The fact that there was an actress’s name in the title means it wasn’t amateur porn thus the conclusion was made that this would have some decent acting in it. OH HOW WRONG I WAS.
    The first aspect of the movie that pissed me off is that the wife was smoking. Smoking, albeit sexy sometimes, is generally not something I want to see some broad who is about to get stuffed like a meaty pin cushion doing right before she gets her pork pocket stuffed. Next was the apparent lack of any rehearsal for this scene. The main actress had no fucking idea what her lines were and it was painfully obvious that she was searching for something to say between random hole encounters. News flash darling, looking like a retard is only sexy if you like fucking slack jawed creatures from the abyss that have no chance of escaping your herpes encrusted baby club, and just because you are fucking your babysitter (for a kid you don’t even have in the scene) your acting isn’t excused from being somewhat believable.
    The only thing that saved this movie was the fact that the red-headed babysitter was ok looking and her name was dynamite. Apparently, if you have a fire bush, your crotch has the potential to remove limbs and ruin coal miner’s lives. Other than that, I give this crappy movie one Droopy Dooner for excellence in the field of wasting my hard drive space.

    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 01, 2006 01:17
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    King Kong Your Monkey Ass Like Gorilla Monsoon

    Yo everyone. This front page update is so sweet that it’s going to put you into an irreversible diabetic coma. So check your pancreas as the door, we’re jumping right into it tonight. Before I dump a confectionery fist of front page updating straight into your blood sugar levels, let’s talk about recruitment.

    We’re currently recruiting for all classes except Shadowknights.

    Updated Nov 26, 2006

    If you are an orphan and fit one or more of those classes listed above, then you should read our requirements on the Application forum. If you still want to be adopted into a family that will probably make you kneel on broomsticks and wash the toilet with your own toothbrush for even the slightest mistake, send Little Orphan Orruar or Daddy Warbucks Dalnoth a tell in game. If they think you’re worth $.02/hour to work in our Kunark sweatshops, pack your suitcase because you’ve been called up to the big leagues.

    Last update, I told you we’ve gotten into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King #2. And same as #1, we beat it like a losing greyhound. Indeed we are the 1st guild serverwide to beat Beltron the Shade King and the entire Frostcrypt raid arc. So let’s take the tour!

    First up is the The Sleepless Guard event with the Overseer of the Cryptguard. This is probably the worst event in EverQuest at the moment. The only way it could get worse is if it AE’d stomach cancer and forcibly fisted your parents while pissing in your gas tank. The entire zone is pretty much the same way but whatever; they make it, we’ll beat it. And since we’re the only ones in it, they won’t adjust shit! We have to wait for the Hollywood guilds to get in there and cry about how difficult of a zone it is to raid in. Then like magic *snap* it’ll get ~fixed~.


    If you want to see the loot, check the update about FC #1 because it’s the same shitty augments we got from there. Call Ripley’s because I can’t believe it.

    Next in line is Fridleif, World of Warcraft Master. I apologize for the lack of a photographic feast here. Just picture one of any of the three NPC models in any screenshot on this site for the past 8 weeks. Let your imagination just run wild with that cornucopia of monster models zzz…zzz… I forget exactly what I wanted to complain about in this encounter since after the Overseer event everything is just a blur of green giants, bugged encounters, random zone crashes and getting fucked on loot because the named drop giant meat/bones/balls. I’d like to drop my giant meat bone and balls in the eye of whoever designed this fuckin’ place. Moving on!

    After that was Wulfnor the Gladiator a.k.a. more fuel for my silent rage.


    Then we have Harfange the Black.

    After him we battled our way through some of the buggiest shit you’ve ever seen: Dealing with random 5 day lockouts, sporadic zone crashes, and one of the worst end-game encounters ever designed – Beltron the Shade King.

    I don’t usually do this corny stuff but I really want to congratulate my Triality guildmates on being the 1st guild game-wide to defeat Frostcrypt.

    Yes, I may sound bitter when writing about these events and that’s because 54 people going at these bugs, zone crashes, tons of rollbacks, random lockouts, shitty loot, sometimes lack of loot, and generally lame encounters, takes a lot of out you. But we held it together and really did put a hurtin’ on this whole entire raid arc. It really says a lot about our guild that through all of it we had a full raid on every night, ready to go. And that’s about the only positive thing to come out of this entire train wreck.

    The Sad Cat of Serpent Spine’s message of the update.


    Humor Holocaust

    Originally posted by qxx • Nov 18, 2006 20:39
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Ham On The Bone

    Yo everyone. We’re going to be getting right into the hot sauce today because this front page update is huge. It’s like 50 pounds of awesome shit crammed into an even more awesome 10 pound bag; just over-stuffed with awesome shit. But! Before we get rolling here, lets talk about recruitment.

    At this time we are looking for the following plebeians to wash our feet and feed us grapes:

    Enchanter: 1
    Paladin: 1
    Shadowknight: 1
    Warrior: 1

    Updated Nov 8, 2006

    Now, if you feel like you want to apply and come personally drop grapes (peeled and seeded) into the mouths of your new overlords, you should pop onto our forums and read our application requirements. Still feeling up for a life of selfless servitude? Fantastic! Now send Orruar or Dalnoth a tell in game. When they give you the green light, go ahead and post an application. Bring plenty of fresh palms to fan your new masters because it gets plenty hot and steamy around here.

    I don’t usually do this, and by ‘this’ I mean, show mercy upon a serf such as yourself, but! If you’re going to be an applicant and you also enjoy smoking copious amounts of ganja, like to the point where your heart beat literally slows down, you may want to tone it down, Loc. It’s not like we are a guild full of prudes or anything; half our shaman crew would snort thumbtacks if you asked them to. Just lately it seems that our applicant pool is smoking more than a duplex in southern California during the dry season and that doesn’t play out well in the hardcore EverQuest raid scene. Being able to pay attention is like the alpha omega of this shit. So all I’m saying is, if you smoke more than the stage at a Great White concert, you might want to at least not suck entirely while doing it.

    Last time we spoke, I told you we were the 1st guild game-wide (lol, cockwaving) to break into Frostcrypt, Thone of the Shade King. And now, I’m going to tell you we are the first guild game-wide (lol, cockwaving) to rampage and wreck Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King. I mean, we stuck our boots into it’s cavernous mudhole and stomped our feet like a toddler that dropped his ice cream. We absolutely defiled this place.

    But you don’t have to read about it, you don’t even have to try to imagine it. For the first time ever, Triality has a movie. You can relive these glorious moments, by our side, as we do drive-bys on Frostcrypt mobs from our steam-powered pogo sticks. The movie is 2 minutes and 10 seconds of pure EverQuest adrenaline. Set to the tune of Victory Strikes Again by the ever-enthusiastic Andrew WK. So wait no longer, click the picture below and live vicariously through the eye’s of your digital rulers.

    Triality vs. Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King
    36 MB .wmv format

    Victory Strikes Again by Andrew WK

    So as I was saying, we ran through the first of many installments of Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King. But don’t take my word for it, it’s much easier for both of us if you just enjoy the pretty pictures.

    First up, first down: Three Brothers event with Hufdan.

    I won’t complain about the shitty 130/130 augment with asstastic mods, though. I’ll let the images linked above kill any erection you may be sporting.

    Next in line was the fine swine Gravelord Cotas in the Overwhelming Numbers event.

    Expect to see that last augment in the sequel; Frostcrypt: We don’t just copy and paste the actual zone anymore, we do the loot tables too. Coming soon to an end-game near you!

    I’m not even going to introduce Lorekeeper Bentolf from the Shades of Calm event to you. I’ll let his loot table and our raid chat do the talking.

    We’re almost to the end here! The two Don Megas of Frostcrypt are within sight. First one we dropped knuckle hammers on was Hearol the Tactician – a fun event too by the way, forealz.

    And finally, the last of the Mohicans: Lorekeeper Grenwald. This is truly an epic fight, worthy of praise and more gratitude than I certainly can conjure up for our friends at Echo Base.

    But the greatest reward of them all came when we saw this:

    And with that Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King #1 is dead and buried. What new and exciting lands of opportunity await our arrival?! Let me give you a hint.

    Annihilators of Frostcrypt. Well, half of it anyway.

    So ya, we’ve gotten into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King #2! or is it #3, technically? Who knows! All I know is we’ve already put a huge dent into the new one and you should expect another update in the very near future.

    The Sad Cat of Serpent Spine’s message of the update.


    Humor Holocaust

    Peace in your crease with a fistful of chicken grease.

    Originally posted by qxx • Nov 04, 2006 16:56
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Bring Forth The Biledriver!

    Yo everyone. It’s that time of the month again; time for a gnarly front page update. Only this update is extra-tubular because it comes after the release of the latest expansion, The Serpent’s Spine. So far TSS is pretty dope. No crazy alien bad guys or mysterious never before seen lore. We takin’ it back to the roots in this one, boy. Orcs, gnolls, kobolds, and even bixies are all up in this bad Larry. But with the good must come the bad. TSS is unlike any other expansion yet and as a public servant I feel it’s my obligation to remind everyone of the risks and dangers of TSS.

    Now that you are all informed and taking the proper precautions, we can safely proceed with the infoz. But first, recruitment!

    Bard: 1
    Berserker: 1
    Enchanter: 1
    Monk: 1

    Updated Oct 1, 2006

    Now before you go and have sexual relations with the application process, you should know the proper courting procedures. And here they are:

    1. Get yourself familiar with the post in the Application section of our forums entitled, “Before you apply read this”. Get to know our application process before taking it to the next level.
    2. Contact Orruar or Dalnoth before you apply.
    3. Once they give you the thumbs up, you can drop an application, fella. But make it good. If it looks like your AOL Members biography, you’ll probably get skeeted on. Extra bonus points if you can get your Magelo link to actually link to your Magelo.

    So far, we’ve been flowing through this expansion like an incontinence-powered burrito. We’ve already got a body count deeper than a Vietnam veteran, when it comes to new ‘raid’ targets. Unfortunately, half of them were lay down Sallys and frankly, there’s not much of anything to report about them.

    So here’s the good stuff. We’ll start with Triality’s first of many game-wide firsts in The Serpent’s Spine: the lean, mean King Odeen. This little rascal pulled out all the tricks to prevent us from smashing his face into a pile of shit. I’m not going to give away any radical spoilers but if I had to sum up this fight with one picture, we’d have to revert to the supreme know-it-all of our youth…

    Fuckin Toad, man. Why the hell was he in every castle anyway? Never understood that one. Well anyway, you probably want to see the loots and what not.

    What a crybaby. Well, this encounter is pretty fun, pretty challenging. But with the help of prayers, vitamins and our pre-raid ritual, we were able to best this foe and move on. Loots from this big hunk ‘a beefcake were:

    And the fruit of our labors? Being the 1st guild into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King of course! So you know there will much more to talk about around this here internets campfire.

    Also, in a most anti-climactic manner, we beat Vergalid too /slow clap. Poor Vergalid, always the bride’s maid never the bride. Here’s his 15 minutes of fame. After this, he’s gonna be the Gary Coleman of TSS; popular then, forgotten thereafter.

    And his cry-myself-to-sleep loot drops were:

    So that’s the good word around here. Now that we’re in Frostcrypt we’ll be dropping mobs faster than a baby born prematurely on prom night. See ya soon!

    The Sad Cat of Serpent Spine’s message of the update.

    Originally posted by qxx • Oct 07, 2006 01:44