• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Don’t Open ‘Til Doomsday

    Recruitment Info

    Updated Nov 12, 2010

    Yo everyone! As we all know, today officially kicks off House of Thule. To celebrate this momentous occasion, on a day of endless delays and patches, we bring you an action packed look at our journeys through the Underfoot in the form of a stylish and slimming .wmv movie.

    This year’s musical selection bids farewell to our once loyal companion, Andrew W.K. However, it bids a farewelcome to the progenitors of horror-punk; the venerable and legendary Misfits. And to help usher in this changing of the musical guard, we’re kicking it off with three Misfits tracks, all cut up and spun up to suit our style and profile. Enjoy!

    Triality vs. Underfoot
    172 MB .wmv format

    Abominable Dr. Phibes by The Misfits
    Walk Among Us by The Misfits
    Don’t Open ‘Til Doomsday by The Misfits
    What’s the Difference by Dr. Dre

    Hatred is a seed that’s easy to sow.
    Buckets of blood will help it to grow.
    Originally posted by qxx • Oct 12, 2010 01:09   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    None But The Brave

    Yo everyone. The natives are getting restless. I was content getting back to the slack after we defeated The Underfoot. BUT I GUESS we need at least one legit front page update outlining our epic adventures and battles in the Land Beneath the Feet, so I’m back on the clock like Marty and Doc. This update is going to be so sweet you’ll have pancreatic cancer and diabetes by the time you finish reading it. But before we get to the pleasure, let’s handle some bidness, sons. Recruitment. Booooosh.

    Recruitment Info

    Updated Aug 31, 2010

    That list is, how you say, ‘dynamic’. We’ll update it as needed. If you think you have what it takes to visit our casting couch and get a shot at the big time in the Hollywood Hills of EverQuest (that’s us), get in touch with Quarken, Gilthanos, Hylea or Sepha before you go writing The World’s Worst Application: A How-To Guide on our forums. Now that the boring paperwork is done…


    So, what has Triality been up to? I’m sure you’ve been sleeplessly awaiting the answer to this very question for some time now. Well, I know when I have a question that demands answering, the first place I go to is Google. So, let’s take a walk down the internets and ask Mr. Google:

    Now that we’ve cleared up that catastrophe, what have we been up to? Well, we defeated the legendary Underfoot expansion. And now this is the part of the update where I recount each and every epic event we aimlessly and shamelessly threw ourselves against for weeks on end. ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…SNORE-FEST. You know, after writing these updates for 6+ years, that formulaic ‘we killed this, we looted this’ shit is played out. Tonight, we’re going to mix it up a little.

    First step, let’s throw out all the shit I’m too lazy to type about. So far, this new format is a great success! Then let’s skip right to the good shit: Convorteum

    Second step, let’s adopt a rating system, similar to how one would rate a motion picture or popular music album. Only, instead of using that also-played-out ‘5 star’ system, let’s use something a little more proprietary and closer to home – something EverQuest related. Naturally, we’re going to use the greatest thing in EverQuest to rate these events: Pogonip. Pogonip is awesome. Events will be rated on a 1-5 Pogonip scale.

    Convorteum, predictably, has 7 events. Please do not confuse this 7 event end-zone with this one or this one.

    Convorteum Event #1: The Gatekeeper
    This event is great. It’s really the perfect event. There is very little/no trash to kill before the event. The Gatekeeper himself has almost no challenging abilities and your guild can kill it while you sit there AFK, pretending you’re not watching videos at BigWetAsses.com. More importantly, this event will be easily farmable for your fledgling alts once we’re all level 90 and intoxicated with untamed power. I forgot to take a screenshot of this mob (not because I was at BigWetAsses.com either. Honest.) So, I thought about putting up a predictable picture of Zuul, The Gatekeeper of Gozer. Instead, here is a picture of Don Knotts.

    Overall rating: 4.5 Pogonips

    Convorteum Event #2: The Stone Warden
    This event is OK. The storyline for this event, and correct me if I’m wrong: Three hookers are slutting themselves around Convorteum and their pimp, The Stone Warden, is keeping a watchful eye on them from the corner of the room. We take each of these whooahs into their respectable rooms and, you know…”show them what it’s all about”. Unfortunately, we have “mommy issues” and start roughing up The Stone Warden’s three money makers a little too much. Violence ensues. Just look at that pimp hand.

    Overall rating: 3 Pogonips

    Convorteum Event #3: Unstable Creation
    After what we witnessed down at Event #2, it came to no surprise that this place is infested with crabs. They are just everywhere in Event #3, giving the term ‘Deadliest Catch’ a whole new meaning. The idea of this event is to attack the named with a fine-toothed comb while hitting the crab adds with the sanitary shampoo. If you get overrun by crabs and end up scratching your balls completely raw, you lose. Now your family and friends are hopelessly ashamed and won’t let you piss indoors anymore. See the winning strategy for this event here.

    Overall rating: 2 Pogonips

    Convorteum Event #4: The Keymaster
    Once we show up to this event, for reasons nobody has quite figured out yet, Kertrasia (The Keymaster) wanders off and falls into the lava, where a greken named Borzaloth is waiting. The fat dumb slug then proceeds to eat Kertrasia and, by the transitive properties of bad lore and even worse writing, Borzaloth becomes the new Keymaster. Before we continue, I can’t help but to point out that following Ghostbusters logic, it is destiny for The Keymaster (now Borzaloth) to make-a-sexy-time with The Gatekeeper (now Don Knotts). So let’s all take a minute to imagine television’s Don Knotts being mounted and bootyhole pounded by this fat, sloppy lava lizard. Did you picture it? Are you sure? You better have. Moving right along then, this event is much like The Gatekeeper event in that it’s so easy, you’ll be farming this thing six ways to Sunday in the very near future for your alternative characters. Event #4 would be worthy of 4.5 Pogonips buuut the “achievement” for this event depends upon us keeping Borzaloth’s fat ass in the lava, which we suck at doing. Bzzzzt, -1 Pogonip penalty.

    Overall rating: 3.5 Pogonips

    Convorteum Event #5: The Hall of Records
    Jesus, I’m only on Event #5? This per-event review system seemed like such a good [i.e., easy] idea at the time which was about 4 fuckin’ hours ago at this point. I’m tired and fading out fast. This event definitely happened. Next!

    Overall rating: 1 Pogonip

    Convorteum Event #6: Magus Sisters
    This event has a team of sisters that are determined to make your life miserable. Please don’t confuse this event with this one or this one. The development team is doing its part to save Norrath from global warming by still recycling the events of yesteryear; very thoughtful. Truthfully, this event is really fun but it definitely has a vibe. Like, the achievements are so fucking creepy that you have to wonder if Franky the Greasy Intern got a ‘talking to’ after he implemented them. I mean, read this shit: Make Them Watch, Half Sisters and…Slumber Party. Creeeeeeeepyyyyyyy. I imagine at some point, there had to be a meeting with the “creative” team and the rest of the developers regarding the names of achievements in Underfoot. I also imagine that meeting went something like this:

    Overall rating: 4 Pogonipples

    Convorteum Event #7: The First Creation
    Finally! Event #7. I always wondered why it took so long to get Brell Serilis into EverQuest. It seemed like almost every other major deity had been given some time in the spotlight, so why not Brell? I’ll tell you why right now:

    Brell is a retard.

    Literally. While other gods like Fennin Ro and Rallos Zek were sitting around being fuckin’ awesome, Brell was in his basement playing with dolls and painting Warhammer miniatures. Apparently, he was shitty at even that. Look at his First Creation; it’s like Rocky Dennis was forcibly inserted into Andre the Giant’s gaping asshole. What a total loser.

    Anyway, Event #7 is cool. It’s what an expansion’s final event should be. After Lord Brekt, this is quite a refreshing end to a really good raid expansion. Sure, people will bitch and complain about this-and-that being fucked up and not tuned, etc…but the fact of the matter is: Underfoot lasted a long time and proved to be fun and challenging as fuck. Good times.

    Overall rating: 5 Pogonips

    I want to congratulate everyone in Triality for really stepping it up this year and putting an end to Underfoot. We had some unique challenges and those of you that stuck it out: cheers to you all. I’m never surprised but always amazed. You guys kick fuckin’ ass.

    So that’s that. Be sure to check back soon(ish). We’re putting together an Underfoot video. Hopefully, it will be out before House of Thule is. You’ll find it here when it’s done. Ka-kow.

    …and finally…

    Can’t you feel my hate?
    Watch my brothers rape and kill the cripples I create.
    Originally posted by qxx • Aug 14, 2010 02:23
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    As Pure As The Arctic Snow

    Yo everyone. We’re working on a very intense, very amazing, prrrrobably long overdue front page update. You’re probably asking yourself, “What makes it so intense and what’s taking so long to do it?”. And I’m probably asking myself, “Why aren’t I at AssParade.com right now?”. My friend, these questions are better left unasked and they are certainly better left unanswered because that would require me to think, type and not be at AssParade.com right now. So what’s this all about then? It’s about tonight.

    Tonight! Tonight is a special night. A very special night indeed. Tonight, we the denizens of the Maelin Starpyre server (more importantly the sexual dynamos of Triality) will be forcibly inserted into the digital cavity that is know as the Drinal server. This gives the lonely, unwilling and confused citizens of the Drinal server the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to test their skills, agility, their skagility, within the ranks of EverQuest’s Unoriginal Bad Boys: Triality. Basically what I’m prattling on about in order to make this update more than one sentence is, if you are one of the following classes…

    Solid DPSers (Rogues & Berserkers)

    Updated Jul 28, 2010

    If interested, please seek one of our eligible officers (Sepha, Hylea or Gilthanos) in-game and we’ll be sure to woo you into our strong but safe embrace.

    In a serious tone, if I may: We’re looking for dedicated players that want to push to the end of Underfoot with us as quickly, efficiently and as enjoyably as humanly possible. At this point in time, we’ve killed everything that’s killable (though you wouldn’t know since we haven’t had a front page update since ‘Nam) and we need a few clutch players to join us in our campaign of pain.

    Destined for godhood to many’s dismay.
    Just lords and masters of all we survey.
    Originally posted by qxx • Jun 21, 2010 21:32   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Apply To The Bad Guy

    Yo everyone. You can skip down below to read the really juicy stuff but, since we’re all gathered here, I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that Triality is recruiting Bards, Clerics, Enchanters, Shaman and melee DPS classes. If you’re one of those classes, you’ll want to get in touch with an officer in regards to applying. Our calls are currently being forwarded to our nearest alternative character(s), so you may want to just PM one of us here, here, here, here, here, here or here.

    As an extra incentive for potential applicants: If you join today, you will get 1 weeks paid vacation right off the bat! I don’t think you’ll find many other guild’s offering the same perk. We’ll be returning to the office on May 4th

    Breaking News • April 30, 2010

    Free at last, free at last!

    Apr 27 – May 4 Apr 30

    Never forget.

    Destined for godhood to many’s dismay.
    Just lords and masters of all we survey.
    Originally posted by qxx • Apr 29, 2010 09:51
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Man’s Best Friend

    Greetings avid viewers! I’d like to welcome you to the latest edition of As Trialityguild.com Turns. I’d say As Triality Turns but as fate would have it, I’m not welcome in Everquest for 7 days. My name is Dalnoth, you might not remember me, but that doesn’t matter. Recently I started playing EverQuest and helping run the guild after about a two year hiatus. But that’s jibber jabber and what I’m here to talk about is a lot more serious. So get your serious-business face ready, put your Anti-Triality hats on and lets get ready to roll.

    Greetings, Adventurer:
    Your account has been found to have benefited from a nearly guild wide raid exploit. Per developers’ request and supplementary CS investigations, this has lead to a 7-8 day suspension of your account. Due to the nature of this exploit, any items gained through the exploit will also be removed. Please note that due to the severity of scope of the exploit, suspension reversals will not be considered in this case.
    Please keep in mind that bypassing intended content and lock out timers is an exploit of the game dynamics and continued use of these exploits could lead up to an account termination. Thank you for your cooperation when you return to game.
    Game Master Clemencius
    EverQuest/EverQuest 2/Star Wars Galaxies In-Game CSR
    Sony Online Entertainment, L.L.C.

    This is the email we all received tonight after having our collective guild suspended for 8 days. I’m sure everyone is sitting on the edge of their seat at this point; What could we have possibly done, that nobody else had done to warrant an 8 day suspension? Because obviously, if other guilds were doing it they would have been suspended too right? We begged the question and then we found out what we were suspended for.

    We were killing the Beast with our raid, then tanking his mate with alts and healing the tank with alts while he was at 0%, dropping the DZ on our mains and letting the alts eat the lockout.

    Here’s the first three things that come to mind immediately:

    • Is this against the rules? Yes
    • Were we the only ones doing this to raid events? No
    • Were we the only ones suspended for doing this? Yes

    The sheer semantics of this are mind boggling for the very reason that Triality isn’t the only guild doing this but, we seem to be the only guild getting punished for doing this. So for this very instance it seems at best, questionable; and at worst begrudging of SoE-staff to suspend our entire guild when other entire guilds are still online right now who have performed the same actions. For example:

    Crimson Tempest was in Pellucid Grotto for 3 and a half hours the other night zoning in/out. They are either the world’s worst Pellucid Grotto raiders or there was something fishy going on there. Considering a 4 year old in a Power Wheels could beat Pellucid Grotto, I think it’s pretty safe to assume they were doing the same exact thing we were.

    How many people have ever /DZadded or /Taskadded people into a group mission after dropping people who actually did the mission from it? Apparently that’s not an exploit and is completely intended to give someone credit for a task/mission they didn’t do.

    How many people here ever saw the literally-hundreds-of-people who ever did the same exact thing to farm Frostcrypt/Ashengate augs to this very day and nothing ever happened to them?

    How about the literally-hundreds-of-people who exploited Rallos Returns doing, literally, 10 times worse then what we were doing to the Beast; yet nothing ever happened to them?

    How about Crimson Tempest who kept a Kerafyrm add mez locked at the zone in to prevent Kerafyrm from respawning so every time they wipe, they can start off from the % that they wiped on ?

    Absolutely retarded. You mean to tell me, that the same thing happens for, literally, years upon years in Everquest; but you pick now…3+ years later to take disciplinary action in this manner? Not only did you take 3 years to do it, Sony, but you did it in a most biased form. The fact that it wasn’t even Customer Service that handed down the bans, but a Developer, just goes to show you the reason why Triality was the only guild suspended and why no other guilds were suspended as of 12:11am 4/28/2010 and no mass guild suspension/banning has been done since Sleeper’s Tomb (unless I’m wrong) when there have been so many other actions that were equal of, or more warranting of, CS disciplinary action.

    It seems to me everyone else can live around the margins and get away with it, but if Triality does something there is an epic scandal followed by everyone who has been stock piling hate on us for God knows how long, getting their jerk-off on whatever outlet you look at for Everquest forums. As much as I hate them lets take the New York Yankees as an example to display how this goes down.

    Yankees play at a higher level -> Yankees recruit/sign the good players from other Kansas City Royals-like teams through-out MLB -> Kansas City Royals-like teams hate the Yankees

    We have recruited from under-achieving shit-hole guilds not worth mentioning that reside under Triality/CT on Maelin and reside on Xegony in now the “top amazing best ever” raiding guild on the server; who keep in mind can’t kill a nerfed down Clicknar Queen for 2 weeks after it had it’s legs broke. Does anyone see a trend here? I certainly do.

    Trashbag guilds that can’t progress lose members to Triality -> Said guilds members have a knee jerk opinion that anything negative said about us is true and run with it from their infinite bitterness -> 4 years later, here we are.

    Anytime Triality is mentioned the collective hate squad, who live extremely fulfilling and pleasant lives, are there to meet the word ‘Triality’ with verbal feces in an attempt to bring us down.

    Triality raids at a level above. You can debate this all you want and throw knee jerk “Ur EXPLOITERZ LOL” after everything; but guess what? This isn’t Everquest Live and you can’t post that here. You have to actually read logic and face facts here instead of forming a circle jerk of ‘Triality hate’ around the Developer’s cookie for a game of “Loser Eats It”. What makes me think you are going to read it? We both know if you made it this far, you are way too obsessed with riding our dicks to stop now, so please, assume the position.

    You can’t argue fact. The fact is: Triality has legitimately killed/completed the last five expansions in a number 1, 2, or 3 fashion progression-wise dating back to PoR. We are currently the oldest raiding guild that stays at the top curve of competition dating back to a form date of 09/02. Stupid bullshit like this, among other shit; which has no baring at all on any of this guilds prior or present accomplishments and success, but haters take this as the perfect “straw-man” to make a cliche response to anything Triality. “ROFL EXPLOITURZ”. Which leads into my next segment: The majority of you line up on call to bash Triality for things because you are doing your best to try and keep the attention off you/your guild who most likely have done something WAY WORSE then what we did to earn this suspension.

    1.) The CT Kerafyrm Debacle.

    2.) Township Rebellion claimed they never buff blocked an event publically, however, their first Kerafyrm kill was the result of a buff block. Keep in mind that this wasn’t done to circumvent broken content; it was done because they couldn’t hack it.

    2a) Also using the buff block exploit to fell the mighty Kerafyrm was Raging Fury and Triton.

    3.) Realm of Who? Used the same Buff Block exploit to kill Brath before the fix went in for him. Yet we’re cheaters and exploiters (their member’s quotes). Just to give you an idea with the level of hypocrisy and childish rhetoric we are dealing with here. Not to mention (although I’m about to) how their first Queen kill was a result of a bug and they hadn’t legitimately killed her again: the Clicknar Queen despawns at 70% and gives you loot. I didn’t see any of you running to say, “Hey we didn’t beat this event! Don’t give us credit on Lavanet!” I didn’t see any of you running to not loot the chests that dropped from the event. I didn’t see any of you not rushing to Lucy to wave your collective penises in the air. Scouts honor; right?

    4.) In another dose of pure irony, Triality first heard about using ‘The Rock’ to dodge the Beast from…other guilds pointing their fingers at us. Ironically, the two guilds who did this (RoI and Machin Something), where we learned this from, actually killed the Beast before us using said exploit; and they have the most vocal trash talkers of Triality in public.

    5.) Machin Shit’s proud and Ivory Tower Crusading guild-leader Ronak received a cease and desist letter from former Lead GM-Vianaxis about his guild’s rampant use of Third Party/Hacking programs with a guild disbanding threat. Pulling corpses from PoTime graveyard to PoTime Phase 5 after a wipe anyone? It’s funny how Ronak turns a blind eye to such things until he received the C&D order from Sony, not even removing the abusers from his guild, but further enabling their contribution to his raid. So as I said earlier, it’s pretty comical to find things out like this. The biggest Triality haters are really just trying to “deflect” any kind of accusations/attention from their own guild.

    6.) Some guild not worth mentioning on Firiona Vie has a guild leader who is the biggest RMT proprietor in Everquest. The guild basically exists for him to RMT off of.

    I could go and on and on, but I won’t. Although I have a week to do nothing between 7-11pm and if people wanna keep the shit spinning, I’m ready to play Wheel of Fortune.

    Most importantly, why did I bring all this up? I brought all this up because frankly a lot of us are sick of reading exaggerated/baseless/spun claims/attacks on our guild and:

    A.) Being met with a knee-jerk reaction on EQlive when attempted to actually have a conversation with said people about the situation or an actual discussion/debate, coupled with a mentality that could rival only that of a 6 year old in a pack during kindergarten recess ridiculing one person.

    B.) Absolutely sick of being the Straw-Man for everyone’s guild to draw the attention away from the unsavory actions they’ve done.

    C.) Sick of unfair treatment from Sony Employees

    D.) Tired of reading finger pointing and ridicule from people who are in guilds that have definitely lived outside the margins before in raid content.

    Since I have yet to touch on Topic C, lets go there.

    Triality reports that a wipe mechanic in the Brath script didn’t work to SoE Development. We waited for a response for weeks…upon weeks. Finally after 3 weeks of these bugs going unaddressed and lack of anything else to do, we buff-block up and kill Brath. After 3 weeks of no communication, the fixes for the fight were on Test…2 days later. Or better in this case, The Beast lockout skipping (which is what resulted in our suspension), was reported at least 4 months ago and never patched in. It takes us having to actually do something, before it gets your attention.

    Look at it this way, it’s like locking a 100lb dog in a room with a door that has a circle door in it and feeding him 10 pounds of dog food. Then when the dog has to go the bathroom, he tries to get out of the door and can’t because the hole is too small, so he looks at you to fix the door. When you don’t fix the door, the dog shits on the rug, and then you get pissy with the dog and slap him off the nose and THEN fix the door. See what I’m saying?

    We did what we did, whatever. Nobody is debating if it was against the rules or not because it was; what we are debating is:

    A.) Why other guilds who did exactly what we did; didn’t receive disciplinary action other than the obvious reason is; somebody has it out for us or, you are making an example out of us.

    B.) Why now? People DZdodged Rallos Returns for literally almost a year before it was fixed, nothing happened. People DZdodge aug mobs in Frostcrypt/Ashengate to double farm, nothing happens. Triality DZDodges Beast raid, and the entire guild gets slapped with a 1 week suspension.

    Anyone see any unfair treatment here?

    Anyway I’m sure we’re going to see the refusal and denial that anything happened that I detailed in here from other Non-Exploiting, Fair-Playing, Ivory-Tower Sitting Everquest guilds, because as I said earlier; The Straw-Man technique is the most effective route to masking one’s own faults or passing the buck if you will. Nobodys perfect; even us, and you’re not any different.

    It’s with all this going on that I will present…

    The Q/A that will last at least 1 hour and be moderated/screened. If there is a question about Triality that you ever wanted to ask and get a straight answer to that wasn’t a knee-jerk 12 year old EQlive post response, please be there.

    Server: irc.rogean.com
    Port: 6667

    The channel will be moderated and you will get tossed for being a tool, besides; do you really need another public venue to shit up? You have the EQLive boards for that.

    Originally posted by Dalnoth • Apr 28, 2010 02:06   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Release the Flies

    Yo everyone. We haven’t had a true update in like 10 months or something, since those boner-destroying Living Legacy events. A lot has changed since then. After farming Seeds of Destruction for an entire year, our roster was about as stable as a high-rise in Haiti. So, we’ve been on a recruiting frenzy and found a handful of folks that were putting the can’t in applicant. We’re still going strong but obviously still recruiting. Let’s talk about that real quick:

    Bard: 1
    Berserker: 2
    Cleric: 2
    Enchanter: 1
    Rogue: 2
    Shaman: 1

    Updated Apr 06, 2010

    If you’re one of those classes listed above and you feel like you’re ready to strap on the happy helmet and raid Triality style, contact Mendix, Somta, Sepha or myself (Quarken but preferably one of the other 3 officers) in-game. We’ll have you raiding at a third-grade level in no time. On a serious note, don’t bother applying if you’re the type of person that doesn’t know how to spell words, type words quickly or understand words typed at you. Communication is key. We can help you get gear and AA’s but dumb is forever. Forever. Speaking of dumb, let’s talk about Underfoot.

    Just kidding. So far, Underfoot awesome. The events are harder than a teen at a titty bar while having the learning curve of a sonderkommando new-hire orientation. The challenge is refreshing after that last limp noodle we had to raid for a year.

    First, The Wrath of Brath. An irritable golem with a penchant for ass beating. Ok, confession time. There’s been a lot of accusations coming out of the raiding community regarding the methods we employed to beat these new events. I like competition. So, it would be unfair if we were using top secret tactics to our advantage and not allowing our competing guilds the same privilege. With that in mind, I reluctantly present our Brath strat, full disclosure.

    Anyone that’s been to the Brath event knows you have 1 big named and a shitload of adds. The first thing we do when seeing a new event is apply EQ judo; take our opponents strength and attacks and use them to our advantage. Any gamer worth his salt knows in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 you can get a Tactical Nuke by killing 25 consecutive enemies without dying. The Tactical Nuke gives you an instant victory, regardless of the odds stacked against you. So, with all the adds during the Brath event, the path to victory seemed pretty obvious. The tricky part was figuring out how to get that tactical nuking capability into EverQuest. There just had to be a way. We put our top Triality Black Ops engineers and scientists on the case. One set of jumper cables, a box of Twinkies and 2 hours later, we were tactically nuking our way into EverQuest history, bringing home the serverwide-first victory over Brath. So there it is, our 100% true, no-holds-barred strategy for Brath and many, many future conquests in the Underfootage.

    Prior to Brath, we had the unique pleasure of visiting an event so unfun that the very thought of it has been known to inflict erectile dysfunction into even the most virile of men. I’m of course referring to Grunkuck the Beast. The blood-thirstiest, shoot ’em firstiest, doggone worstiest mob that ever sailed the Spanish main. And, oh. my. god. would you believe some people accused lil’ old us of using questionable tactics on this event too? Yessiree. Well, that cannot be denied. I think by now the very obvious and much talked about Rock of Destiny came into play during our early victories over this drrrrrreadful event. In case you aren’t privy to what I’m referring to, please, enjoy our helpful tutorial. If a picture is worth a thousand words, than a 15 frame animated .gif must be worth, like, a million!

    The good news is we’ve since single tanked the beast, quickly affirming that yes, our dicks are still huge even when they take our rocks away.

    With strategy brainstorming sessions like this, how can’t we win?!

    What else, what else have we been up to. Oh, The Unburrowing. This event is great. What’s better, nobody accused us of cheating. I know, it’s almost unberievable. After being awesome for long, we’re used to people accusing us of cheating, or hacking, or MacroQuesting or having a Bat Phone to the developers that’ll get events killed for us or…, you get the point. You can actually go back to the past handful of expansions and read updates on this very website shooting down these [mostly] baseless accusations.

    At this point, we don’t care. Your nerd-raging, EQLive posting nonsense is met with only apathy and sarcasm. You can keep calling us out all you like. It still doesn’t stop your members from applying to us because they’d rather get shit done than listen to you cry and whine and shout about us all night every time your raid gets wrecked on events we shit all over. Maybe if people like Ronak just shut the fuck up, they’d make a worthwhile contender somewhere down the line. I don’t know much (really, I don’t) but if I saw Mendix spamming EQLive, smashing other guilds all day, I’d start to wonder where his priorities sat. Meaning, I’d wonder if he was more concerned with making us succeed or more concerned with making others fail. If it was the latter, I’d be jumping ship like a peasant on the Titanic.

    Now, you’re saying, “What the fuck dude, you just told me you guys used rocks and nukes and shit to beat those other events”. So what? fuck off. And also, you’re retarded. It doesn’t take a criminal mastermind to notice AE’s for Brath are flagged beneficial on Lucy. The same as it isn’t rocket science that zone geometry has been used since, literally, the first raid mobs EVER to dodge detrimental AE’s and abilities. You’re going to tell me in Temple of Veeshan, your guild never hid from an AE? Or you never used Journeyman’s Boots to unfuck the mana drain from Aaryonar? There wasn’t any other way people did those fights. This is fucking elementary EverQuest.

    We all know we’re beta testing new expansions on live servers, at this point. The beta server exists to make sure the car runs. But it’s up to us, after release, to make sure it drives straight and the windshield wipers work and all that shit. So, of course we find oversights, loopholes and broken shit that works to our advantage. Nobody will question that we immediately fire this information off to the powers that be and scream to have it fixed ASAP.

    Though, usually, we’re by ourselves doing this shit. We’re usually seeing and killing encounters before you guys get to them. So you never really have to experience this type of shit (i.e., Frostcrypt and Solteris). But last time around, Seeds of Destruction was like an equal opportunity expansion that lasted wayyyyy too long. SoD allowed everyone, even the mom & pop guilds full of filthy casuals, to be crashing into Underfoot raids on day 1 and it shows.

    In short, know your role, fall into line and start acting like you’re supposed to be here if you want to stay. This shit has been going on longer than you realize and you’re showing how green you are by complaining to any ear, or forum, that will listen.

    Anyway, The Unburrowing. It’s awesome, we beat it and I’m entirely too sober on a Saturday night to say anything else. Grap summed it up quite nicely:

    And firstly but not leastly, Fappy Dickpaw. This fight is also awesome. A little humor, a little asskicking. I guess Fippy is a bit of old news by this point and, again, I’m too sober to type anything beyond that.

    Alright, so I think I’ve made enough dick references to awaken the zombie of Freud. We’ll be back with more updates as we smash and grab everything Underfoot has to offer. Until then, I’m going to eat some Dilaudid like they’re breath mints, for my back pain of course, and wash it down with a Jack & Coke (minus the Coke) for my brain pain. XOXOXO

    Spackled and battered and
    smothered and covered and
    cleaving and cloven and
    bitter and blued.
    Originally posted by qxx • Feb 07, 2010 03:02