• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Unified, the most forceful way to go.

    Good evening ladies and gentlemen! It is approximately 4:53 AM, I have been a gatherin’ and a croppin’ screenshots for the past 5 hours. Just ask Kela! As hardcore as I am I will not sleep until all of the website fanatics have something to read when you roll outta bed in a few hours. I know exactly how you all feel. When Quarken use to do the website I use to go to bed anticipating the next days (or what would turn out to be the next week’s after his slack) website update. It was like waking up on Christmas morning and racing downstairs to see what Santa left you under the tree. I can’t deny you that feeling, so lets get this party started.

    Recruitment Info
    Berserker: 1
    Druid: 1
    Bard: 1
    Necromancer: 1
    Shaman: 1

    That list is DYNAMIC. It will change based on our needs in the upcoming days. The one-three-three-seven information for you applicants before applying:

    1. Register with our website.
    2. View the Applications forum.
    3. Read the post by Orruar titled, “Before you apply read this“.
    4. Talk to either Orruar or me (Dalnoth) before posting an application.

    So, last time you heard from me Triality had just gotten access to Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance. Now, this zone is excellently designed. I just wish it had more content. It took us 5 days to reach the boss of the expansion Ayonae Ro.

    Now we’ve rolled up on this rather distressed looking bard. We helped repel Mayong’s lackies from her chapel and she is just crazy for some reason about performing with her choir again. So we get down there to find out well Ayonae’s gonna wreck us and on top of it this church-going choir is gonna help. From a lore perspective I am totally lost. I have no fucking clue why we are here or why this bard is completely insane trying to kill us after we helped her but hey, the events were fun. I’d much rather have fun and interesting content than amazing story lines that make sense and a bunch of Hive Queen-esque events. Yes, in case you didn’t know, the Hive Queen raid sucked royal asshole.

    We eventually beat her into submission, caught her off-guard, gave her the ol’ shocker treatment and trapped us a bard FOR ETERNITY!

    The only music she heard was the pimp hand being laid upon her pretty face. Its a good thing when we trapped her, her loots were in a well concealed treasure chest under her robe.

    A very nice job to everyone who logged on the Saturday of a holiday weekend at 4PM for the win.

    Now, I know your probably wondering what the rest of the zone was like and where is the news post for the rest of it. It’s coming now because we absolutely destroyed the 4 events in this zone in about 5 days. So you get the whole shebang in one action packed news post.

    The first event in Deathknell, The Tolling of Dissonant Bells, is also known as the Enforcer event. Basically you beat down some gargoyle’s while they try and reach this huge bell in the center of the tower to ring. If they ring it bad things happen like AE Death. After a couple attempts of strategizing we repelled the brutish gargoyle’s from the bell and advanced further into the the Tower of Dissonance.

    What gets my Gold Medal of Swordocity and Awesomeness this expansion is this second encounter in Deathknell, Vertigo. It is a perfect balance. You need some DPS, tanks, rogues/bards, crowd control and last but not least you need some healing. That is the recipe for a win on this event but it is not just the balance which makes it my favorite. There are not many things I can say I do in EverQuest besides sneak/hide and backstab that makes me feel like a rogue. The rogue aspect of this encounter certainly gave me a thrill and chance to feel like a rogue and not an automated backstab machine. It was good times. I wish there were more encounters like this one. Eventually we progressed to the bottom of the Vertigo and drove Mayong’s vampiric-like spawns back through the portal from which they came.

    I’m especially pissed off that I just lost an entire awesome paragraph here. So here is my best attempt to recreate it. Event #3, Unwelcome Guests, was nothing special; trust me. We won it. That’s all that matters.

    Well, that wraps up the Prophecy of Ro expansion for us. Unfortunately this does mean it will most likely be the last news post I write until the new expansion. While I’m relieved to have a break after knocking out another update not even 2 weeks after the previous one which took me 8 hours to piece together. However I must disappoint: there is no Rot In Hell. I’m sure I could find something to rant about or get Fishlip up on the scene. There is really nothing better than calling him because he’s late for raids. You think hes asleep then he picks up and goes, “You caught me at the most inopportune of times Scotty!”. Then this chick grabs the phone and goes, “Hey Scotty, I’m about to give my man a blow job can he call ya back?!”. We then proceeded to call him back around 2AM with about 20 people listening to his phone conversation through the magic that is the internet. He was ranting about how blue-raspberry sweet tarts are gonna give everyone cancer, that Scientology is the way of life and many other things. So if you want a Rot In Hell, talk to Fishlip about the blue-raspberry sweet tarts.

    I’m gonna take the opportunity, to use the what would be Rot In Hell space, to thank everyone who has been a part of Triality through out the years, allowing us to have the continued success in the end game that we do. What is so great about all this is that we all have a great time while achieving this success and that’s what makes this guild the place to be. It has truly been a pleasure and I would like to thank everyone who has had a hand in this making it possible. Don’t even think this is the end for me, I just needed to drop my regards for you all. You’ll be seeing plenty of me. Yeah, “I’m done, kid”.

    See you all next expansion!

    Originally posted by Dalnoth • Jun 18, 2006 09:11
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Suddenly…I feel so invincible!

    Greetings cholos and cholettes, I know this update is about a week late but there were mystical forces preventing me from writing this, I assure you. It was not pure unadulterated slackdom, which I’m sure you all are assuming. This update is action packed, with a lot going on around the world as well as Norrath. So, like always, I have a lot to say about these matters.

    Let’s talk recruiting first. We have a very full roster right now but do have room for a few skilled players. If any more slots open up I will update this list ASAP!

    Here’s what we are looking for:

    Berserker: 1
    Druid: 1 (Hatemongers need not apply)
    Bard: 1

    We are ones for tradition around here. So if you read our website with any consistency you would know that you have to do the following things before applying:

    1. Register with our website.
    2. View the Applications forum.
    3. Read the post by Orruar titled, “Before you apply read this“.
    4. Talk to either Orruar or me (Dalnoth) before posting an application.

    So last time we had an updateroo, we were finishing up Depths of Darkhollow and heading to tackle Prophecy of Ro hardcore. This expansion, as a whole, is pretty cool but there are some severe problems with it, that you’ll be hearing more of later. Let’s look at the positive right now. The Red Sox trounced the New York Skankies last night, we gave al-Qaeda’s #2 Islamic jihadist 1,000 pounds of American love and the guild as a whole is just as solid as the first time we dropped Overlord Mata Muram. Things couldn’t be better. With this new found momentum we made our way to Daosheen the Firstborn in search of a Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance key.

    Remember all those amazing times on Overlord Mata Muram, where one person’s retarded action could have 54 of you sitting at your bind spot for 40 minutes? Well, this fight takes that to a whole new level and you can’t even Fortitude tank him for 10 seconds and hope a ranger dispels his ass kicking buff. In fact, all you can do is bend over and read, “You have taken 100,000 points of damage. LOADING PLEASE WAIT…“. Aside from the debacle of clicking the crystals in the wrong order 3 times before getting it right, this fight gets the Dalnoth Seal of Awesomeness. Just to make you think a little, what would you do if you were colorblind? They should have put text on the side of the red crystal to torment colorblind people, “I’m The Blue Crystal”. We eventually overcame our own demise and dropped this lay down Sally with great haste, and in return he dropped great loots.

    Next up on the hit list is what is considered to be the Cockblockery of Deathknell access, which I disagree with for reasons other than difficulty. Sullon Zek, Mistress of Rage is, without a doubt, the hardest of the ‘gatekeeper’ mobs this expansion, with a very unique mechanism never seen in end-game raiding before. I think it’s a pretty cool idea aside from the whole ‘one person can fuck your entire raid over‘ thing. Which, by the way, I think needs to be yesterday’s trend because, quite frankly, it’s getting old. When somebody fucks up, you know what it should do? Exactly what it does on hatchet: kill them. If you fuck up really bad you can kill other dumbasses not paying attention too. It’s a win/win situation really. Anyway, after slamming our heads against this script for a solid 3 days to only be killed by one low intelligence soul not paying attention, we revised our strategy and took the log to the beaver.

    She looks much better dead.

    I’d give you some awesome loot links if there were any.

    In honor of Sullon Zek’s ‘amazing’ loot, I’m inclined to present you with this screenshot.

    Alright, that’s 2 out of 3 of the gatekeepers of this expansion’s end-zone down for all you go-getters keeping track at home. I can give you one guess of where we heading next. If you guessed to Suchun, Blood Warden of Solusek: You win the prize!

    While this encounter was certainly not the hardest, I had a lot of fun learning it and think it is one of the better raids created for this expansion. There’s not much to be told about this fight other than Suchun is Blazzax the Omnifiend in disguise. If you want to know what he looks like I’m sure you can find a picture of him from one of our 3 year old website updates. Suchun felt The Pimp Hand of God, as a wise stoned mage from the Rathe server once said; completing our Deathknell flag and showering us with fine wares!

    Suchun’s loots were 5 times what Sullon’s ‘Thuuli-esque‘ loots were.

    Triality is now flagged for this expansions end-zone.

    We are anxiously awaiting the next patch to tackle the challenges that wait for us in Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance. As you know us, we always have our eyes on the prize.

    Anyway, in the world that we call EverQuest, progression is the gossip on the street these days with Sony making the big announcement that they are releasing what is to be called the ‘Progression Server’. While I think this server is going to be fun, who the fuck cares about progression from 7 years ago? I want to talk about the here & the now: Prophecy of Ro. There are lots of good things about Prophecy of Ro, take the well designed raids for instance. However, one of the undebatable downfalls of this expansion is the horridly fractured and disjointed story line. They bounce from one obscene story arc to the next with no real regard for the other the story lines. I mean really, what does Mayong Mistmoore have to do with a giant green thing that has a gaping mouth with fangs for a head, a Blazzax the Omnifiend lookalike and Sullon Zek? I just don’t get it. Throw Ayonae Ro in there and now my head hurts.

    Aside from the atrocious story line, Prophecy of Ro boasts the most HORRID progression path since Shadows of Luclin, where cockblockery, training, and asshattery are all brought back. This is all in an effort to appeal to the whiny whores that are only happy if they are shitting on somebody else. A perfect example of this? Well, I don’t know how it is going to be after this patch but as of now, in order to get fully flagged for Deathknell, you need a piece of a staff off of this mob called Porthio the Second Born in Relic, the Artifact City. You’re probably thinking, “Well, Dalnoth, what is so bad about that? All keys require some kind of drop”. You are right. But what makes this an absolute brain fart on a designers part is the fact that the mob is a FIVE DAY respawn and drops SIX progression parts. To make matters even worse, Porthio is killable by Anguish level guilds and has tier 2 Demi-Plane loot on his loot table; focus effects and all. Not to mention he is required for a 10AC 90HP 10SV augmentation and he drops 1 of only 2 existing 190/160/160 augmentations in the game to date, making him a desirable farm target for end-game guilds who can kill him with 36 people. Coupled with the fact that Sony has packed 6 guilds, capable of killing this monstrosity, on at least 2 servers (Antonius Bayle and Maelin Starpyre), making it near impossible to fully flag your guild for Deathknell.

    Prophecy of Ro, you have officially earned a warm spot in my heart.

    Well, that’s all the fun filled action we have for you this evening. It’s officially 6:43 AM. I gotta get a few hours sleep before I need to be awake, conscious and functional. Until next time. Later, haters.

    Everyone wants to be like Mike.

    Originally posted by Dalnoth • Jun 09, 2006 12:47
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Ya Get Skeeted On

    Yo everyone. Don’t adjust your television set – this is an actual timely update. I think it’s been about a month since the last update, which is some sort of land speed record for me. Grap threatened to do something that involved his teeth and my testicles if I didn’t crank this bad Larry out by tonight. So in a valiant effort of testicular preservation, you got something to read and I can safely fondle myself to 1980’s aerobic tapes…still.

    Well, by now you know the drill. Before we get to the meat ‘n badaytas of these here updates, we got recruiting to discuss. And ya, we’re recruiting. So, if you think you got the cojones to rock the casbah, if you think you’re goatz enough to have sex with our raids, then you should do a couple things. First, you should go to our Application forums and read our requirements. Then after that, when you decide you got the swordocity, you need to send Orruar a tell before you apply. So, we’re recruiting some ninjas for these classes:

    Bard: 1
    Beastlord: 1
    Berserker: 1
    Magician: 1
    Warrior: 1
    Wizard: 1

    Updated Mar 5, 2006

    That’s a dynamic list. It may change before your very eyes. We keep it updated for our needs, so check back if we don’t want your kind around here at the moment.

    So, we’ve been romper stomping through The Demi-Plane of Blood some more. Things are getting better up in here. The first two encounters were shit, but these next two fights are pretty damn fun.

    After banging out the Wailing Sisters, we headed on up to Hatchet the Torturer. This fight is pretty slick. Aside from the occasional ‘mandatory audio trigger candidate’ or some app strapping Hatchet to his chest and suicide bombing the raid like a coffee shop on the Gaza Strip, we devastated this sloppy Sally. This fight is pretty cool even though I can’t play Star Wars: Battlefront 2 during it. It’s got some adds, some emotes, some death bombs but best of all: it’s got bear traps. I can’t believe EverQuest has been out, what? 5 years and this is the first time we’ve seen bear traps. In case you didn’t know, the Top 3 Coolest Things To Ever Exist go: Plinko, television’s Willie Aames & Bear Traps. Don’t ask me why. That’s just the way things are; I don’t make the rules. Now, I may make a couple suggestions here and there, but this isn’t a suggestion – it’s a demand: More bear traps.

    14 days. You have 14 days. If after that time more bear traps are not added to EverQuest, I am deleting my characters, and cancelling all of my accounts. The rest of my guild Really, nobody else will follow suit, but still: 14 days. After that I’m gonna take myself to some other popular MMO that has an excessive amount of bear traps. If you can’t hang with the bear traps, I’ll settle for a 18 player Willie Aames ring event. I can see it now:

    We enter a dungeon with dragons. We’re in Illusion: Scott Baio of course when suddenly we’re overrun by all different mobs of each of Willie Aames’ roles. We’re just trying to slay as many ‘Buddy Lembecks’ from Charles in Charge and ‘Himselfs’ from Celebrity Fit Club: Season 2 as we can while they’re charging at us from every direction all willie nillie. They begin casting Spell: Eight Is Enough which Death Touches 10 of your 18 players after 1 season – just like the real Willie usually was! Actually, you know what? Forget the bear traps, you have 14 days to make this dream an EverQuest reality.

    An enrage Willie says, ‘Time to die a Quarken’

    Alright, what were we talking about before my odd infatuation with Willie Aames started steering my brain? Oh right, Demi-Plane. Okay so after we finished burying Hatchet, we went to see what Sanguimanus the Redfang was all about. He was all about kicking our ass apparently but it wasn’t long until we power bombed his sanguine anus into a bed of broken beer bottles. Even though there is a sickening lack of bear traps in this event, it’s really enjoyable.

    You didn’t think I was gonna get this here update done without a lil’ bit o’ bitchin’, did ya? Is there a more useless effect to put on a Knight only item than Echo of Anger? Demi-Plane loot is a bit retarded in general anyway, but I’ll save that for a rainy day. Still, EoA on a Knight only piece of gear is a bit of a brain-dead mod. That’d be like putting a +20 Whining mod on a Druid only item or a +10% AFK mod on a Quarken only item. How much more aggro do you guys think Knights need? They have oodles, so this is a waste. It’s a wasted slot where a useful focus could be instead.

    Well, that’s the whole shebang today. We’re now entering tier 2 of Dreadspire of Blood, The Keep of Demi-Plane and you know you’ll be getting hot sizzling updates for your chubby American jowls to slobber over. You come on over again, you precious little glutton you.

    On the eve of a new expansion, we all go to bed with the anxiety and excitement only rivaled by Christmases and threesomes. With thoughts of new zones and farmable loot running through our heads, it’s hard to calm one’s self. This time though, I feel a little different. As much as I’m trying to imagine all the laggy zone particle effects, over-farmed attuneable loot and click-here-to-zone-in topography, I can’t stop thinking of gnomes.

    I know it’s a little cliche to complain about gnomes. Those adorable biscuits have been popular in EverQuest since day 1 and their fame isn’t dwindling. But sometimes, I feel a little bit like, what happened to the other races, ya know? Like, why’s it always a gnome explorer fuckin’ up? Aren’t gnomes supposed to be smart? Why they always fuckin’ up? Why they always getting lost in zones and shit? Maybe we’ll take it a step further and make a task where you have to save a party of gnomes, who got captured trying to save another gnome?! The ultimate task!

    Like Cicero Quikwire, the latest gnome to follow in a great line of gnome failures. Maybe I missed the obvious indications we were chasing a gnome in these missions, but when we popped that cocoon open and a gnome shot out, a little part of me died that day. I kinda wanted to throw down my swords and Jake-the-Snake-DDT his bald spot into the ground and send his lifeless body to Ak’Anon with a note pinned to his shirt that reads, “If any of you leave this city again, I’ll orphan your children and widow your wives”. But I can’t do that. Those options are inexplicably unavailable in EverQuest. So I had to just rescue this fuckin’ guy but mark my words: I’m going to go to Ak’Anon to reprogram the King to be a fuckin’ Roomba® or something.

    You may wonder why it took someone this long to bitch about the gnome themed everything in this game that’s been plaguing us for years now. I personally wouldn’t brought it up if it wasn’t for Depths of Darkhollow. Because when I zoned into Corathus Creep for the first time and I didn’t see just gnomes, but fucking robotic gnomes – and a ton of them. A line had to be drawn.

    So on the dawn of Prophecy of Ro, I know it’s a little too late to avoid the gnome assault, but next-next expansion, please make some tasks that maybe have a Barbarian who got lost looking for ale, a Dwarf that got lost mining some gems or an Erudite who got lost looking for fat white women.

    Originally posted by qxx • Feb 21, 2006 04:12