• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Belching Fire & Freshly Painted

    Yo everyone. Starting these updates is more difficult than it may appear. I’m having some serious writer’s block trying to get this bitch rolling and I don’t want to cheat you out of the phenomenal front page update that you’ve become so accustomed to reading here at TrialityGuild.com. But guess what? I’m going to do just that. Maybe next time I’ll be full of ideas and inspiration then it’s like it all comes out in the wash – ya know? Fantastic then.

    Before we dig into the latest greatest victory of Triality, I need to mention that we’re recruiting. This is how you, a zero, becomes an us – a hero. And do we ever have openings:

    Cleric: 1
    Druid: 1
    Enchanter: a billion
    Wizard: 2

    Updated Sep 25, 2005

    Contact Llohannis or Grap in game before you apply. There are requirements in our Application section on the forums. Check them out and if you meet those requirements and you’re one of those classes listed above, drop us an application faster than a surprise homecoming bathroom abortion.

    So, we’re still absorbing loot like a Dyson™ in the Asylum of Anguish. Even more so since Overlord Mata Muram has been gimped beyond comprehension with the revelation of Mask Conspiracy ’05. If you haven’t heard yet, check your favorite message board of whining, uninformed bags à la douche. I’m sure you’ll get the whole story and then some. Luckily, we made it into ‘Studio 54’ before the cover was blown off this discovery and got our well deserved cockwaving rights, which were just flagrantly waved in your eye sockets and there’s more where that came from – prepare yourself!

    What’s left for us to kill? Well, just like finishing a bad movie simply because you paid for it – we find ourselves back in Dragons of Norrath. And what’s left for us there, you ask? The mighty, egg protecting, add spawning, death touching, sexy ass mother Vishimtar the Fallen. We’ve taken a few runs at him and made some progress here, some adjustments there. Tonight we went in digesting our efforts, desires and dedication, ready to squeeze them out into a big, steaming, pile of victory.

    If you take a good hard look at that last picture you might notice he’s in a very specific location. Now, I don’t want to give out too much of a spoiler BUT, it might be worth trying out if you haven’t yet. Think: Z axis. Keep count on those eggs that spawn too. That’s the magic number, clearly.

    Thar be the booty, me mateys!

    Which Dalnoth turned into the Rogue quest reward (below)

    So, with both Overlord Mata Muram and Vishimtar the Fallen dead and buried, we anxiously await the Depths of Darkhollow expansion release so we can get that taste of that fresh deep darkhollowy blood. We’ll see ya then, then.

    You may remember back in the dizzle, as the kids say, I used to complain about various topics at the end of some of our updates, but I haven’t for some time now. It seems that our beloved KFC has been doing everything possible to make sure that drought doesn’t continue.

    Now, I love KFC – that’s why I go there. I have my options of various popular fast food chains available to me that I can slowly kill myself with. But I drive the extra half mile to get some of those biscuits and mashed potatoes. My problem isn’t with the product. My problem is with their God forsaken menu structure. You need a pocket sized Rosetta Stone to make any sense of it. It’s a mess. And you’re always under pressure to order quickly because of other biscuit & gravy crazed patrons breathing down your neck. Between the incomprehensible menu and the pressure to make a decision quickly, I feel like I’m negotiating with a suicide bomber when I’m just trying to order a bucket of fucking chicken.

    My first instinct is to order their value meals because they make sure to hang up their little promotional signs of “$4.00 VALUE MEALS” on every square inch of the place. $4 bucks for a value meal isn’t bad, so I get one. The only thing is, they don’t give you a drink with it. What the fuck is that all about? What kind of heathenistic fast food joint is this? Even ghetto ass Taco Bell knows how to string together a value meal. You get: a main, a side & a drink. It’s a formula that has stood the test of time. But KFC is a loose cannon, just playing fast and loose with the value meal formula. Here’s how my typical experience in KFC goes:

    KFC Poultry Transfer Agent (KPTA): Hi, how can I make your today better?
    Me: Hi, can I please have some chicken?
    KPTA: Would you like boneless, leg, breast, thigh, groin, tongue, misc?
    Me: Could your menu be any more difficult to read?
    KPTA: No.
    Me: Just give me a bucket of chicken up in this motherfucker.

    This isn’t fine dining cuisine, to be sure – this is KFC. Nobody can decipher the different taste of one body part from the other. It all tastes like greasy American goodness, so I just pick one and run with it. This menu should read, “Order X amount of chicken parts, pick a side from our well organized, non-confusing list of sides, and a beverage”. No options of chicken body parts. No cakes. No crispy-classic-buffalo-honey-popcorn blends. Just straight gangsta American chicken.

    Anyway, I finally get home and I unpack my shit. And as I get ready to eat, I notice this:

    Caution: It wasn’t.

    That should really read, “Caution: You will piss blood with frustration before you successfully navigate our maze of a menu”.

    Not to anyone’s surprise, they got my order completely wrong and I ended up with what appeared to be 6 ounces of pigeon shit. Allegedly, it’s coleslaw. Allegedly. What’s worse, the rogue “slaw” has made a point to leak it’s white putrid trash juice all over everything within range. God, I fucking hate coleslaw. Here – here’s a picture of my sullied mashed potatoes after the coleslaw nutted all over them. These are as they came; undoctored. All I did was put on a protective hazmat body suit to remove the heap of renegade coleslaw. Luckily, I got a picture before I dry heaved myself into an irreversible coma.

    Above: Pigeon shit that I paid money for.

    Now, pretend we aren’t talking about KFC here. If I told you that was yeast infected vaginal discharge, you wouldn’t doubt me for a second. But in reality, it’s my tainted mashed potatoes with an eye drop of gravy swirled in. I ate it anyway because I have the strength of 10,000 men. It was my intention to make sure KFC’s menu had a nice warm spot Rotting In Hell but fuck that, I love KFC even if their menu sucks it. As I wrote further I realized the real villain here is coleslaw. Fuck you, coleslaw.

    Even when presented with a literal smile, coleslaw’s subversive and putrid nature shines through the facade. Look at this man-made horror, staring you right in the face with its also face. They tried to make it look happy – friendly, even. But when you try to give slaw a soul, it becomes a warped glimpse into a world where slaw lives. And as we’ve established, where slaw lives, evil thrives. Go ahead and “welcome new man in your life”, as it’s so Engrishly written in the ill advised 1970s Hellmann’s advertisement. Go ahead. See what happens. When others have tried, the evil seeps out between it’s mayonnaisey, cabbagey wretchedness; putting the Hell in Hellmann’s. These abominations can rot in hell(mann’s).

    (Author’s note: My stomach was literally turning, like I wanted to dry heave, as I crawled through Google images looking for the ‘best’ examples of how disgusting coleslaw truly is. I hope my suffering brings you happiness. Now and always. -qxx)

    Originally posted by qxx Jul 28, 2005 13:30
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    We Do What We Like And We Like What We Do

    Yo everyone. This is our first update since the big merge from Vazaelle (RIP) to Maelin Starpyre. Like anything, you’ll find different opinions about how it went down. Some good and some…

    We are recruiting:

    Bard: 1-2
    Beastlord: 1
    Cleric: 1
    Enchanter: 1
    Necromancer: 1
    Paladin: 1-2
    Wizard: 2+

    Updated Jul 22, 2005

    If you decide joining Triality is the thing for you, contact Orruar in game before you transfer, before you apply, basically before anything you better send Orruar a tell. Read our requirements in the Application section of our forums, and try not to suck at EverQuest.

    For me to say, “It’s been a while since our last update” would be the understatement of a generation and just plain unnecessary. You may have noticed that I don’t usually update you, our adoring fans, of Triality’s comings-and-goings with anything unless it’s a fresh kill – a new kill. Telling you that we’ve killed x number of Dragons of Norrath bosses or Asylum of Anguish mobs over and over, for the past couple months, would have been boring and just plain silly. And while we did do just that, we were also plotting, scheming and strategizing for The Don Mega of Discord: Overlord Mata Muram.

    Above: Pimp hand is cocked, locked and ready to rock.

    I remember the first time we killed Arch Magus Vangl and the room shook with that dramatic effect, everyone was like, “Ooooo, Ahhhhhh, Impressive!” and we saw the wall lift, unveiling the Overlord himself. I can just picture all of us smiling, “Yay, we finally got to him, we can fight him and we’ll be like so happy with our soon-to-come victory and all of the dope loots and oh, this is just great!”. Wrong. Fucking WRONG.

    It’s kind of sad. It’s like being a little kid at your first major league baseball game, getting there early, finding your favorite player during batting practice, going up to him and with your wide open, innocent little kid eyes, you look up, smile slightly and nervously ask him for an autograph. Then he spits right in your fucking eye and slaps your mom on the pussy. That’s pretty much how it felt since the day we first laid eyes on Mata Muram. He wasn’t going to go down and give up the goods easily – not at all. But we knew he was going the fuck down for goosing our mom’s gooch like that. Needless to say, we had some work ahead of us.

    But it’s alright. We’re a competent bunch of talented players. I mean shit we’ve gotten this far, and at record speed I might add. So you would think that we should be OK when it comes to an event we’re definitely capable of beating, on paper anyway /thumbs up. We figured let’s just do what we do: get a bulletproof strategy together and just execute this fucker. Not so fast.

    Flashback: Remember all those times, throughout your EverQuest experience, when you’re like romping around North Temple of Veeshan or in a difficult situation with your pickup group, and someone makes a bad pull or something and you wipe. Then you’re like, “Man we had enough healers, tanks and a couple of slowers. I wonder why we died.” You try to point fingers but it just gets you nowhere because everyone was supposedly “doing their job”. They were “paying attention” and definitely “not AFK”. These mysterious types of situations have been plaguing guilds and experience groups in EverQuest for a lifetime. Never having solid evidence to accurately point those fingers was aggravating as fuck. Well, not to worry, Mata Muram is pointing them for you in a big fucking way, in the form of mask clicks.

    The way it works is: If you don’t click your Mirrored Mask when prompted, the raid gets punished by having our collective shits painfully pushed in and the script lets you know exactly who fucked up by shouting out their name for all to see, because they couldn’t do the simplest of things (just clicking a god damn item) when they were supposed to.

    Glorious. Incredible. Amazing. Finally, the world knows just who has been quietly sucking at EverQuest this whole time and they can be dealt with accordingly. It’s like the “World’s Magic Tricks: Revealed” of EverQuest. You got to go behind the scenes and get to see who was really “doing their job”, “paying attention” and “not AFK”. An encounter that defies the filthy casual, mostly AFK, players that worm themselves into your guild/raid. Mata Muram was tailor made to challenge our band of adventurers and their [in]ability to stay alert at their god damn keyboards.

    We all worked together, night after night, to make progress, to refine our skills, to unlearn what we have learned. The fight pushed our abilities, our tolerance of each other and our desire to AFK and take a piss or get drinks at the most inopportune of times throughout the night, to their very limits. But one man, one man stood by us, guided us, forced us and loved us enough to try to make our dreams come true. We needed his unwavering patience, his unfaltering will and staunch determination in order to drive us to our goal. That man is Orruar Lemmiwinks. Motivated by glory, pride and flagrant cockwavery, he would forever do his best to to keep our goal within sight and our spirits high:

    The result of his guidance, our fear of his verbal lashings and being forced to kill the god damn Polar Kraken as punishment upon failure…

    …would inevitably lead to the unthinkable – the unpossible!

    Above: Stone cold Mata Muram marauders.

    Of course, here be the loot:

    We’re all stoked as fuck. This fight is pretty badass; it’s even kind of fun, I guess. It’s a mix between luck and not being AFK, which obviously can get very frustrating. There still needs to be some changes made to it, but whatever, I’m not getting my hopes up for that.


    So here is the end of the update where I usually put just the last month’s most prized guild moments in the form of tiny classified adds screenshots, which display our virtue, discipline and maturity as a guild. But, since we haven’t had an update since Moses wore short pants, this is about three months worth of screenshots, because I’m good like that. You’re whale cum.

    Adios for now, cholos.

    Originally posted by qxx • Jun 14, 2005 1:45
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Meat Sandwich

    Yo everyone. If you would all do me a small favor and pretend you’re reading this like 4 days ago, that would really help. Because I slacked hard enough that Nuntius disobeyed his monastery, broke his vow of silence and actually said something, it was to the effect of, “Update the site or I will shit in your coffee”. Since I prefer my coffee with a little cream, 1 sugar sans human excrement, here I am and here you are, so let us begin with a story…

    First, we’re still looking for some Clerics and Druids to join up. So, if you’re interested, send Orruar a tell in-game before your apply. Check our requirements in the Application section of our forums. Also, if your application is going to look like an excerpt from a 16 year old girl’s GeoCities blog – please don’t bother! Now, where were we…

    Slack Level Alert: Yellow

    Since it is 7:30 AM, I haven’t slept and I’m fresh out of cowboy killers, we’re going to skip straight to the end. The end of Gates of Discord, that is. We’re here to tell you we absolutely molested Tunat’Muram Cuu Vauax. We beat him so bad that we almost felt good about killing an event that should have been beatable 8 months ago.

    8 months after

    Here is his loot minus the 2 rhi-dick-you-less augments we got. I won’t even grace them with the fame and fortune that is sure to come after being featured on our prestigious website. Those augments have to be an oversight because even a chest clapping downy wouldn’t put MNK/BST on 1HS augment and not put MNK/BST on the 1HB augment intentionally. Right? Right?!

    We’ve also been rampaging around in the Asylum of Anguish and grabbing up Epic 2.0s like they were Cross Colours in ’88. Shut up – you wore them. Don’t deny it. I mean, I didn’t wear them but you definitely did.

    The Funny

    Originally posted by qxx Feb 06, 2005 8:05
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Are you one, Herbert?

    Yo everyone. This update should have come yesterday but like Snow Satan decided to dump 7 kagillion meglo-tons of the white shit on my house and surrounding areas. So I spent the majority of my time yesterday outside socializing with my neighbors, while we searched for creative adjectives to weave into our useless small talk about the snow we’re all stuck shoveling. But enough of that dumb shit – we need to talk about the good shit.

    Arch Magus Vangl is the good shit. This was a fun event. After being stuck in a one-sided relationship of convenience with that selfish bitch Jelvan, we just wanted some alone time to ourselves. I mean, I’m sure we’ll go back to Jelvan at some point but, for now, we just want to see whats out there and maybe try things out with other mobs. Since we were fresh out of that suffocating relationship with Jelvan, it’s not surprising that we got snatched up on the rebound by Arch Magus Vangl. He’s certainly not as eye appealing as Jelvan, to be sure, but a friend of ours said he was a pig in bed. We all know what kind of ‘goods’ Jelvan puts out. So, we were hoping to get something a little more intense out of Vangl. So yeah, we went up to that penthouse suite that he’s got in the Asylum of Anguish, you know, for a quick visit. But as soon as we tried to talk to him, he became very aggressive. We may be feeling a bit vulnerable from Jelvan’s abuse but we don’t take that shit from anyone. So we blew our collective rape whistles and gave him a face full of know-how.

    It wasn’t long before he gave in and put out a lil’ sumthin sumthin. But…

    ….we were wrong – Jelvan puts out much better.

    So anyway, we’re confused and alone again. Looking for loot in all the wrong places. But I think we found a new man. We just gotta test the waters, you know, talk to him a little before we make a commitment. Here’s a pic, he’s sooooo hawt like zomg.

    /cue Sex and the City theme music

    The Funny

    Real fast, I need to share a miracle of the modern age with you all. This miracle will be difficult to believe but it’s something I’ve been waiting for, working towards, ever since I started this game and it finally happened. I feel like it is my greatest accomplishment to date in EverQuest, although I couldn’t have done it without the hard work and dedication of my guild mates. They helped make this dream a reality. So this is more of a thank you to them than anything else.

    Now most of you just see icons, or perhaps a loser still using the default interface. But right there – that’s my buff window. But, it’s actually more than that. Take a closer look. Do you see it yet?

    I’ve been playing since the year 2000 and, all my fucking EverQuest life, all I ever wanted was a perfect buff order. To be able to recognize, at a moments glance, what buff I am missing and to just plain ease my anal retentive obsessive compulsive pipe dream that is The Perfect Buff Order. Every single night I try to get the buffs in this specific order. But due to a plague of AFKs, slow replies for my buff requests and just plain buff cock-blockery, I had yet to achieve my never-dying dream. And now, it’s finally happened!

    Look at how amazing that is! From right to left, I have my self buffs, my ATK buffs, my AC buffs, and then my HP buffs all perfectly arranged by the hand of God Himself. This is especially a miracle because I didn’t ask for a single one of these buffs – they were just cast upon me. Unbeknownst to my never-ending quest for The Perfect Buff Order, my guild mates made a small man’s dream come true. No fucking Selo’s being spammed, no rez effects fading and/or buff ninja’ing it’s way into my top slots all willy-nilly. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Even more beautiful than that plastic grocery bag I saw that one time being chaotically blown in the wind.

    Predictably, it didn’t last long because these bitches let me die about 4 minutes later. So thanks for nothing, you teases. You gave me my dream and like that *snaps fingers* – it was gone; taken away as if it meant nothing. It’s like you don’t even care about me or my whack ass dreams. To hell with all of you!

    Originally posted by qxx • Jan 24, 2005 02:27
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Immortal Corrupters

    Yo everyone. It’s been a while since we’ve had a real update here and don’t think for a second I didn’t hear about it everyday! Truth be told, there isn’t much to update you on – nothing interesting anyway. Since the Muramite Proving Grounds trial raids are totally janked, we’ve been spending our non-Anguish raid time in Tacvi, Seat of the Slaver, killing those guys again to get the ‘upgraded’ loot which is a lot like getting rid of hemorrhoids: Good for you but nobody wants to hear about it. So that’s what was happening. Now, let’s talk about what is happening.

    To do that, we shift our focus towards that lovely Asylum we call Anguish, which people do want to hear about! Our latest role-playing experience took us to this jive turkey named Jelvan, who selfishly enlisted our help to kill these three Tormentors who have been, judging by their name, tormenting him for quite some time – deep storyline breakdown there. He said he would help but I guess his idea of helping was more like not helping. So, once again relying on our council of seasoned strategists and elite tacticians…

    …we threw ourselves against Jelvan’s arch-nemesisises Tanthi, Tantho and Tanthu the Tormentors. What the 3 vowel brothers lack in the creative-name department they make up for in the kill-you-in-ten-seconds department.

    Nonetheless, we eventually brought the hammer down on their asses.
    Jelvan was forever grateful, I GUESS.

    In conclusion, the moral of the story is: When you are forced to help someone and you sacrifice your life repeatedly for a cause you know nothing and care nothing about, you will be rewarded with shitty loots that leave you feeling cold, sad, vulnerable and alone, as they run away, disappearing into the night.

    Thanks for nothing, Jelvan, you think-for-yourselfer.

    In a related story, all 3 loots fit snugly in Jelvan’s anal cavity.

    *Holy Cow™, that’s a lot of The Funny

    (*Holy Cow™ is ©2005 Naturalhealer Evertease • All Rights Reserved)

    This is something out of the ordinary, but under the circumstances, I’ll let it slide this time! This update is going to have a Rot In Hell: Special Astaren Edition. So sit back and enjoy the angst powered by the world’s smallest penis:

    Rot In Hell: Special Edition

    by Astaren

    In case you haven't noticed, for the last couple updates there hasn't been a 'Rot in Hell'. Trust me, this has NOTHING to do with there being a lack of things that piss us off. Quarken is just a busy man. I mean, between all of the 'So the Red Sox won the World Series, what can we bitch about now?' meetings and the never ending influx of 'OMG UR MONK IS SO L33T' tells, I am amazed he finds time to update the site at all! This being said, I decided that I would take time out of my busy schedule of luring people in to asking what 'dees' means to bring you a 'Rot in Hell', Astaren style.
    Few people outside our guild know me very well, as I tend to not waste my time associating w/ retards. So before I begin, I will give you a little background about myself. I am a Shadowknight. And as most of you know, Shadowknights tend to be pretty pissed off most of the time. There is an ongoing debate about how this comes about. Sort of a 'chicken or the egg' kind of thing. Do people become bitter and hateful while they are playing their Shadowknight, or do they choose to play a Shadowknight b/c they are bitter and hateful? Who knows. All I know is that rarely a day goes by that something doesn't piss me off. Whether it is in game or the real world, I am constantly amazed at people's ability to come up w/ ways to make themselves look stupid. Be it a group that thinks it is kosher to intercept my named pull in WoS b/c they think I cannot solo it and forcing me to drop 30+ pissed off dragorns in their camp, or the guy who works at the convenience store near my apartment who is totally deaf and relies on lip reading to figure out what I am asking for, there is always something for me to gripe about. For this installment, I have decided to give all of the in game degenerate retards a break and focus on something near and dear to my heart in the real world: Shitty drivers.
    I like to drive. It is easily in my top ten list of 'most favorite things to do'. There is nothing like opening it up and cruising along at some insane speed, with the sunroof open and the stereo blasting. Jimmy Buffett once said 'A good pilot anticipates, and bad pilot reacts'. I have tried to model my driving after this phrase for as long as I have been behind the wheel. When I drive, that is what I am focused on. All of my attention is devoted to the road and everything that goes along with it. I am aware of everything that is going on with my vehicle and around it. To me, this only makes sense. I mean, you are in a 3000lb+ piece of machinery moving at high speed, it only makes sense, right? I am no math genius, but even I can comprehend what is going to happen if my 3000lb+ piece of German engineered ultimate driving machine goodness impacts YOUR piece of shit 3000lb+ rusted out pile of crap 1985 Buick Le Sabre. In a nutshell, you are going to really piss me off.
    So why then is it that SO many people pay SO little attention while they are driving? This, my friends, is the ultimate question. How could you possibly think it is ok to apply makeup or converse on a phone while driving a 1.5 ton instrument of death? What could possess someone to drive 50 mph in the fast lane WHEN THERE IS A CLEAR POSTED SPEED LIMIT OF 70 mph? This is easily one of life's greatest questions. Have no fear though, loyal Triality band wagon riders, I am going to solve this mystery for you.
    It is actually relatively simple, and can be summed up in one short sentence: People are stupid. Nothing else really needs to be said other than this, but I will elaborate for the more simple-minded of those who are enjoying this update (read: Grap). It is nothing more than simple lack of focus that causes accidents. With the rare exception of weather induced wrecks, EVERY accident on the highway could be prevented if dumb asses would only pay attention to what they are doing. Yes, if you have ever thought it would be a good idea to freshen up your mascara while driving, I am talking to you. If you ever thought it would be a great time to call your Mom and tell her about how your Nascar loving, mullet having boyfriend is treating you like the piece of shit white trash skank that you are while driving home from the swap meet, I am talking to you. If you ever thought putting a 'Rest in Peace #3' sticker on your 1987 IROC actually MADE you drive like Dale Earnhardt, I am talking to you. If you ever thought that driving next to someone on the highway, going the exact same speed they are, WHEN THERE IS NO ONE W/I A MILE IN EITHER DIRECTION OF YOU ON THE ROAD while I am trying to pass was a stroke of insightful brilliance, I am talking to you.
    If, while reading this update you have felt any kind of nagging feeling that I just MIGHT be directing this towards you, please do us all one simple favor. Hop in to your vehicle, roll your windows up tight and lock your doors. Now proceed to the nearest lake and drive off of a pier into the water. If all of the retarded, no driving skill having, pieces of road fodder will only follow this simple advice, the road will become safer place for all of us who actually enjoy driving and put some effort in to making it a safe means of transportation. But for those of you who will continue to insist on pissing me off with your 'In case of rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned' bumper sticker having cars, I hope you Rot In Hell.

    Originally posted by qxx • Jan 15, 2005 18:10
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Chiggity Check 2-0-1-2

    Yo everyone. This is getting intense zomg! Orruar is cracking whips to crank out front page updates because we just can’t keep ourselves from whipping up brand new, never-before-seen Epic 2.0s

    So, hot off the presses we give you Dalnoth, in all his rogue glory, representing with the first ever Rogue Epic 2.0: Nightshade, Blade of Entropy

    Prathun & Dalnoth holding the 1st ever Rogue Epic Weapon 2.0

    So ya, for more game-wide first ever Epic 2.0s, keep coming back. Holla.

    As a reminder, we are recruiting:


    Updated Mar 15, 2005

    For the sake of consistency we’ll throw some of quotes at you. But it’s not really the [usual] quote section. Well, it’s kind of the [usual] quotes but just very short. Cut me some slack – these updates are coming at a fast pace. God damn overachievers.

    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 16, 2004 22:52
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    I will unlock my door and pass the cemetery gates…

    Yo everyone. I’m gonna throw out the quick update, an abridged update if you will. We’re still laying the hurt on Warden Hanvar whenever he’s poppin’ and we’ve been hauling in new loots every time he’s droppin’. Such as:

    Also, we are recruiting:


    Updated Dec 13, 2004

    More importantly, we must congratulate at Medaan “Doobee Doobee Dizzle” Songweaver for finishing the first ever Bard Epic 2.0: Blade of Vesagran

    For those paying attention, you’ll notice a pattern that is forming here. For those not paying attention: Adult A.D.D. kills – remember that.

    The Funny, The Funny, Th-Th-The Funny

    The Deez-N-U-Teez Collection

    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 13, 2004 01:04
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    So Hardcore Like Quick Draw McGraw

    Yo everyone. Thanksgiving is over and I don’t know about any of you, but I ingested enough tryptophan to put a bull elephant into a drooling state of sedation. Regardless of our poultry induced zombie stasis, we’ve been visiting the Asylum of Anguish again. And what better way to detox the turkey addiction than to lay some dank down on Warden Hanvar.

    The loots!

    Totem of the Chimera

    Also, a megalo-grats (i.e., the biggest grats ever) to Naturalhealer Evertease for busting her <censored> and finishing the first ever Cleric Epic 2.0: Aegis of Superior Divinity

    Just a spoiler for any guilds approaching this particular Epic 2.0 quest: the final fight is ridiculous. It might just be ‘un-tuned’ at this time, but bring at least 40-55 people. We had 44 people at the start of this thing and, within 2 minutes time, it dwindled down to maybe 12 people. We had people getting bounced back to bind points faster than you could say, “wtf d00d?!”. You’ll thank me later.

    LOL @ U

    Originally posted by qxx • Nov 30, 2004 00:03
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    We’re Not Happy ‘Til You’re Not Happy

    Konnichiwa, bitches. This is our first real front page update in a while. Even though it’s 120° degrees in this room and there’s enough sweat on my ass to drown a camel, I’m going to put my nose to the grindstone and give ya the tizight update. Holla at’cha boy.

    I’ve been slacking some since last update. If you’re surprised, go splash some cold water on your face and come back when you’re ready. Good? Okay. The Red Sox made the playoffs and they are being led by the EverQuest junkie that is Curt Schilling. Schilling is the living amalgamation of the only 2 things in this world I love: EverQuest and Red Sox baseball. Hmm, love is such a strong word – fanatically obsessed to an unhealthy degree is slightly more accurate. So, me being balls deep in playoff baseball hype explains why no front page updates lately. That could also explain why I’m missing some pictures of the loot we’ve been getting – and by could I mean definitely. Don’t run away yet though – there’s still 30 pictures of deliciously fresh new loots down below.

    Ya so, last update I said we finished two Trials of Mastery in Muramite Proving Grounds. For reference, here’s our status as of yesterday:

    Now you’re probably saying to yourself, aloud and quite retardedly, “LOL dood, thers six trials. haev u done teh other one??” That’s why I said, “status as of yesterday“! Ha. Ha. I’m just so clever. That’s what we in the business call a ‘teaser’. Because guess what we did tonight?! If you guessed ‘defeated the Mastery of Hate trial and got access to the Asylum of Anguish‘ then congratulations – you get to drink from the fire hose!

    Indeed, the Mastery of Hate trial has been Dickeyed™

    We’re super anticipating the non-bugged, totally completed & non-cockblocking zone that definitely lies ahead of us. We’ll be popping into Anguish soon, only to probably get chain mez’d by some ridiculous AE…or something…I’m guessing……Regardless, Dickeyes™ will be promptly distributed and front page updates on this here website will follow “immediately” – what I consider “immediately”.

    Other than that, we’ve been hitting up Tacvi, Seat of the Slaver on occasion still, as well as Riftseeker’s Sanctum and, of course, those Epic 2.0 quest things. Now for the loots of our efforts!

    The Fishlip Collection

    The Deez-N.U.-Teez Collection

    Assorted Teh Funny

    Misc. Funny

    Originally posted by qxx • Oct 15, 2004 01:05