Noq, Noq, Noqing On Txevu’s Door
Summer is here and that means nothing, but I couldn’t figure out a better way to start this update. What’s in the news? Sadly, Ronald Reagan passed away. Never to be outdone, the Pepsi loving singer/songwriter/pianist/blind prodigy, Ray Charles had to ‘one-up’ Ronnie by dying only a few days later. I guess we know who was a closet Communist.
Moving right along, the word on the street is our News author has moved on. Thankfully, she didn’t die like our beloved ex-president or Ray ‘Iron Curtain’ Charles. So I’ve been lucky enough to be granted the responsibility of updating the front page of the website for now. I’m already slacking though, I didn’t know I’d be doing an update so screenshots and moneyshots might be in short supply, next time I’ll have more…but don’t quote me on that.
So since the last update, we’ve killed Vrex Barxt Qurat a bunch in the wonderful land of Uqua, the Ocean God Chantry Russian roulette *on*. We’ve been spending ample time in Qvic, Prayer Grounds of Calling just checking it out. In Qvic, we’ve done some slapping around of those half woman-half water buffalo? things and we’ve been getting an ass ton of Muramite molds and some neat augments (90hps/90mana) from them. We’ve killed Cynosure Kvanjji and the Zoo ring event (Iqthinxa Karnkvi) a few times; got some loot, shown below.
Beyond that we spent a few days lollygagging around Inktu’Ta, the Unmasked Chapel. Oh the fun times we had, it was splendid. We killed us a Kelekdrix, Herald of Trushar a few times. Then, it happened. What happened, you ask? Stonemites happened. Everywhere.
Let me tell you something about stonemites and Inktu’ta. Stonemites are pretty much the fat girl of Inktu’ta. I know I probably just insulted 90% of the female EverQuest population but it’s OK, I’m sure you all have fantastic personalities and are wonderful conversation. Let me explain. You know when you go to the bar, and you work your way through the crowd and all the bullshit to the bar for a drink, and you eye this cutie just across the way. After you drink yourself beyond cirrhosis of the liver, you walk over and go to talk to her. That’s when the fat, ugly, over-possessive friend shows up (who was probably in the bathroom futilely applying makeup to her behemoth face) and does everything in her power to cockblock you. You’ve got your eye on the prize, but you can’t get it until you get past her. It usually ends up the same way every time: You standing naked back where you started, surfing for porn while you wait for your rez…I mean, until you go out again. So in Inktu’ta, you see your goal, you go for your goal but before you can get there a million fat girls, I mean stonemites, fall on you saying things like, “Oh no girl, you came here with me, you’re going home with me”. Eventually we got our friend drunk enough that he would take the stonemites back to his place and
fuck them kill them.
Then, much like picking up a random bar whore, we got death touched…a lot. When we finally got to the clinic, we had our shot at Noquifel on Monday, Jun 7th. We smoked him down right quick and got our little token into Txevu. I hate to throw roses at ourselves, but it was a Vazaelle 1st. Actually, I’m more than happy to throw roses at us, pat our own backs and suck our own dicks…metaphorically speaking…not actually, you know, nothing, never mind.
Txevu is a fun place. I was in high hopes that it would be 6% xp per kill, alas, it is not. We were plowing through looking for a fine bitch to get loot from and we found a room with a few sexy Ukuns in it: an event! Forgetting what happened to us just one night ago, we smoothly, strutted on over across the bar to work our magic but wouldn’t you know it: stonemites, by the millions.
Unfortunately, our friend learned his lesson the first time and he wouldn’t take them home tonight, no matter how drunk we got him. So, we had to pass this event by for now and find some girl who was alone, follow her to her car and then…erm, ya so we found some other named to kill. I actually have some
Well, that’s our status for now. I’ll try to keep updates coming regularly and remember: stonemites need lovin’ too.