• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Release the Flies

    Yo everyone. We haven’t had a true update in like 10 months or something, since those boner-destroying Living Legacy events. A lot has changed since then. After farming Seeds of Destruction for an entire year, our roster was about as stable as a high-rise in Haiti. So, we’ve been on a recruiting frenzy and found a handful of folks that were putting the can’t in applicant. We’re still going strong but obviously still recruiting. Let’s talk about that real quick:

    Bard: 1
    Berserker: 2
    Cleric: 2
    Enchanter: 1
    Rogue: 2
    Shaman: 1

    Updated Apr 06, 2010

    If you’re one of those classes listed above and you feel like you’re ready to strap on the happy helmet and raid Triality style, contact Mendix, Somta, Sepha or myself (Quarken but preferably one of the other 3 officers) in-game. We’ll have you raiding at a third-grade level in no time. On a serious note, don’t bother applying if you’re the type of person that doesn’t know how to spell words, type words quickly or understand words typed at you. Communication is key. We can help you get gear and AA’s but dumb is forever. Forever. Speaking of dumb, let’s talk about Underfoot.

    Just kidding. So far, Underfoot awesome. The events are harder than a teen at a titty bar while having the learning curve of a sonderkommando new-hire orientation. The challenge is refreshing after that last limp noodle we had to raid for a year.

    First, The Wrath of Brath. An irritable golem with a penchant for ass beating. Ok, confession time. There’s been a lot of accusations coming out of the raiding community regarding the methods we employed to beat these new events. I like competition. So, it would be unfair if we were using top secret tactics to our advantage and not allowing our competing guilds the same privilege. With that in mind, I reluctantly present our Brath strat, full disclosure.

    Anyone that’s been to the Brath event knows you have 1 big named and a shitload of adds. The first thing we do when seeing a new event is apply EQ judo; take our opponents strength and attacks and use them to our advantage. Any gamer worth his salt knows in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 you can get a Tactical Nuke by killing 25 consecutive enemies without dying. The Tactical Nuke gives you an instant victory, regardless of the odds stacked against you. So, with all the adds during the Brath event, the path to victory seemed pretty obvious. The tricky part was figuring out how to get that tactical nuking capability into EverQuest. There just had to be a way. We put our top Triality Black Ops engineers and scientists on the case. One set of jumper cables, a box of Twinkies and 2 hours later, we were tactically nuking our way into EverQuest history, bringing home the serverwide-first victory over Brath. So there it is, our 100% true, no-holds-barred strategy for Brath and many, many future conquests in the Underfootage.

    Prior to Brath, we had the unique pleasure of visiting an event so unfun that the very thought of it has been known to inflict erectile dysfunction into even the most virile of men. I’m of course referring to Grunkuck the Beast. The blood-thirstiest, shoot ’em firstiest, doggone worstiest mob that ever sailed the Spanish main. And, oh. my. god. would you believe some people accused lil’ old us of using questionable tactics on this event too? Yessiree. Well, that cannot be denied. I think by now the very obvious and much talked about Rock of Destiny came into play during our early victories over this drrrrrreadful event. In case you aren’t privy to what I’m referring to, please, enjoy our helpful tutorial. If a picture is worth a thousand words, than a 15 frame animated .gif must be worth, like, a million!

    The good news is we’ve since single tanked the beast, quickly affirming that yes, our dicks are still huge even when they take our rocks away.

    With strategy brainstorming sessions like this, how can’t we win?!

    What else, what else have we been up to. Oh, The Unburrowing. This event is great. What’s better, nobody accused us of cheating. I know, it’s almost unberievable. After being awesome for long, we’re used to people accusing us of cheating, or hacking, or MacroQuesting or having a Bat Phone to the developers that’ll get events killed for us or…, you get the point. You can actually go back to the past handful of expansions and read updates on this very website shooting down these [mostly] baseless accusations.

    At this point, we don’t care. Your nerd-raging, EQLive posting nonsense is met with only apathy and sarcasm. You can keep calling us out all you like. It still doesn’t stop your members from applying to us because they’d rather get shit done than listen to you cry and whine and shout about us all night every time your raid gets wrecked on events we shit all over. Maybe if people like Ronak just shut the fuck up, they’d make a worthwhile contender somewhere down the line. I don’t know much (really, I don’t) but if I saw Mendix spamming EQLive, smashing other guilds all day, I’d start to wonder where his priorities sat. Meaning, I’d wonder if he was more concerned with making us succeed or more concerned with making others fail. If it was the latter, I’d be jumping ship like a peasant on the Titanic.

    Now, you’re saying, “What the fuck dude, you just told me you guys used rocks and nukes and shit to beat those other events”. So what? fuck off. And also, you’re retarded. It doesn’t take a criminal mastermind to notice AE’s for Brath are flagged beneficial on Lucy. The same as it isn’t rocket science that zone geometry has been used since, literally, the first raid mobs EVER to dodge detrimental AE’s and abilities. You’re going to tell me in Temple of Veeshan, your guild never hid from an AE? Or you never used Journeyman’s Boots to unfuck the mana drain from Aaryonar? There wasn’t any other way people did those fights. This is fucking elementary EverQuest.

    We all know we’re beta testing new expansions on live servers, at this point. The beta server exists to make sure the car runs. But it’s up to us, after release, to make sure it drives straight and the windshield wipers work and all that shit. So, of course we find oversights, loopholes and broken shit that works to our advantage. Nobody will question that we immediately fire this information off to the powers that be and scream to have it fixed ASAP.

    Though, usually, we’re by ourselves doing this shit. We’re usually seeing and killing encounters before you guys get to them. So you never really have to experience this type of shit (i.e., Frostcrypt and Solteris). But last time around, Seeds of Destruction was like an equal opportunity expansion that lasted wayyyyy too long. SoD allowed everyone, even the mom & pop guilds full of filthy casuals, to be crashing into Underfoot raids on day 1 and it shows.

    In short, know your role, fall into line and start acting like you’re supposed to be here if you want to stay. This shit has been going on longer than you realize and you’re showing how green you are by complaining to any ear, or forum, that will listen.

    Anyway, The Unburrowing. It’s awesome, we beat it and I’m entirely too sober on a Saturday night to say anything else. Grap summed it up quite nicely:

    And firstly but not leastly, Fappy Dickpaw. This fight is also awesome. A little humor, a little asskicking. I guess Fippy is a bit of old news by this point and, again, I’m too sober to type anything beyond that.

    Alright, so I think I’ve made enough dick references to awaken the zombie of Freud. We’ll be back with more updates as we smash and grab everything Underfoot has to offer. Until then, I’m going to eat some Dilaudid like they’re breath mints, for my back pain of course, and wash it down with a Jack & Coke (minus the Coke) for my brain pain. XOXOXO

    Spackled and battered and
    smothered and covered and
    cleaving and cloven and
    bitter and blued.
    Originally posted by qxx • Feb 07, 2010 03:02   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    To All the Killers and the $100 Dollar Billers


    by Braelxx

    I've been doing some thinking inspired by a story I read saying that one of the actresses in Slumdog Millionaire is being sold by her dad for 200,000 pounds (about $300k). After a little bit of math I worked out that the life of that 9 year old girl is worth 4,636,419,298 plat 2 gold 7 silver 6 copper. Now, there's probably ways to make this affordable, but I know an easier method. Using the universal truth that Chinese kids are worth less than Indian kids or practically anything else on the planet, I searched Google for the going rate on them. After a couple of minutes I found this article which says "pretty" Chinese girls can be bought for about 550 British pounds each. Right now the dollar to pound conversion is 1 pound=$1.4546 so 550 pounds is $800.03.
    Why do I bring this up? Well, according to our front page we're currently recruiting 1 Bard, 2 Rogues, 2 Shaman, and 1 Wizard. Using the rate IGE sells plat of 25 million plat for $1750.83 and taking into account that we need 6 players, we should be able to buy 6 Chinese kids for $4800.18. This would also have the side benefit of giving us 6 players with raid attendance at or close to 100%. Anyways, a computer for each would also need factored into this cost. I'm sure we could get some EQ capable PC's for $650 each which would increase the cost for all 6 to $8700.18 or 1450.03 individually.
    Now, using the IGE conversion rate, we could raise $8700.18 in guild funds for a mere 124,229,365 plat. Currently our roster has 69 active members which means if we were to each donate 1,800,425 plat, 5 gold, 7 silver, 9 copper we would be able to cover this fee and have those 6 positions permanently filled. Costs could be further reduced by selling rot loot for a couple of weeks rather than give it to alts. If you figure Korafax, FoS, Warrens, RCC, and Tosk all rot (minus fractured essences and flying mount) and we sold each item at 500k in order to raise funds, in a week we would be able to sell 30 items for 15 million plat. This is a bit over a 10% reduction in overall cost and would reduce each members share of the fund to 1,583,034 plat, 2 gold, 7 silver, 5 copper.
    Finally, if you take the cost of each individual and expect them to repay our investment, each of our new "recruits" would owe us 18,204,894 plat. I'm not sure how much plat can be generated by farming for it specifically but I'll use the rate I gain plat of 10k an hour off Vald giants while I exp. If you take that rate and require 12 hours of farming a day, it would take 152 days for the plat investment to be repaid. If we continued to make them farm for one year, each of us would gain a 240% return on our initial investment, for an overall profit of 2,218,681 plat per person.
    Anyways, I think this would be worth looking into in order to fill those empty slots. It's a workable way to gain 6 100% raiders, and over a year generate 2.2 million plat for every single member, which would be very useful when it comes to aug swaps, rank 2 spells early next expansion (we'll make a profit shortly before it's released), and so on.
    Thoughts? Things I overlooked (such as food)?

    Originally written by Braelxx & posted by qxx • Apr 21, 2009 06:43   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    21st Century Catastrophe

    Recruitment Info
    Bard: 1
    Berserker: 1
    Druid: 1
    Rogue: 1
    Shadowknight: 1
    Shaman: 2

    Yo everyone. So this update is a little delayed. Truth be told, as soon as we defeated Lord Brekt, Rider of Discord, I logged off and immediately started writing the update in a punctual fashion, as I typically do. But, I couldn’t stop giving the finger to the screenshot of Overlord Muram long enough to type more than a few words. I think you’ll understand.

    So tonight, we’re going to talk about that shit sandwich we’ve all been forced to eat: Seeds of Destruction. Truth be told, the expansion itself wasn’t all that awful. There was a nice variety of zones, a lush, vibrant storyline to follow and more quests than you could shake a dick at.

    Unfortunately, the raid content was so easy even a caveman could do it and by do it I mean design it and by design it I mean design it better than the current designers and by design it better than the current designers I mean if someone threw a fistful of shit on top of a pile of shit which was currently located on Shit Mountain of Shitsville, Poopsylvania then it would be better than the shit we’ve had to endure. I could, and definitely would, keep going but I think you get the point. I guess I shouldn’t get too upset. This isn’t the first time I’ve paid $40 to get fucked by something sad and broken. At least the expansion didn’t cower in the corner and try to call the cops while we were beating it.

    So here’s the big moneyshot. Lord Brekt: a mediocre boss for a mediocre expansion. Now enjoy the mediocre write-up of this event. I’m just trying to keep it real, fam. Anyway, we felled this great beast on 12/23/08. Congratulations to <Crimson Tempest> for defeating him the same day. I know that’s the part you’ve just been just dying to read but I’m not ashamed to mention it here. As I see it, both guilds were being fucked in the ass by this expansion at the same time and Crimson Tempest just enjoyed it enough to blow their load finish a few minutes first. Boosh.

    Now, Event 6: Overlord Muram; fuck. this. event. What the fuck is it with Event 6s in this game? They never fucking work out of the box. They’re always bugged. Now, if I had a mind for conspiracies, it’s almost as if Event 6s are intentionally left broken and unbeatable to slow down big sexy guilds like Triality from beating these expansions “too quickly”. Just kidding. There isn’t a quiet conspiracy happening here; it’s an intentional reality. At least mix it up and “unintentionally” break an Event 5 or something to cockblock us from making short work of your hard work. Or maaaybe you guys are just incapable of making 7-event end-zones because you motherfuckers just cannot. get. an. event. six. right. Jesus Christ already.

    For real though, all jokes and complaints aside – congrats to my fellow guildmates here in Triality for making it happen once again. The dedication and determination within this guild never ceases to amaze. Well done, once again.

    So that’s it for now. We’ll be farming our asses off for the next eight months. Still, be sure to check back before then because I know we’ll be having a collection of Seeds of Destruction videos popping up here between now and then. A few people here are putting some together. So come back and enjoy those.

    Before we close it out here, I wanted to hit on a personal milestone. This will be my 50th front page update on the site here. I want to thank everyone in Triality for letting me represent them here, for better or worse. Since most of the titles of these updates come directly from song names or song lyrics I am usually listening to while writing, I thought it might be fun to put together a little mixed montage of the update titles into an .mp3 It’s 45+ songs cut up into about 6 and a half minutes of pure adrenaline. Chronologically arranged and delightfully deranged, you’ll have no dry pants left in your house after you listen to it.

    Triality Update Titles Mix
    Various Artists
    (Length 6:31)

    Hasta la pasta.

    Originally posted by qxx • Feb 25, 2009 21:43
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Hail The Crimson Blur

    Yo everyone. It’s a Christmas miracle! I’m finally going to post a front page update. Under normal circumstances, I would have grinched this off as long as possible but the Ghost of Christmas Future has its cold, evil hands around my sugar plums. So, go sit under your digital chimneys and prepare for the biggest Christmas gift of them all – Seeds of Destruction. For the occasion, I thought a time honored Christmas poem would help put us in the spirit of the season.

    ‘Twas the night before Korafax and all through the zone
    Not a creature was there that we couldn’t own
    These events were all tested on beta with care
    In hopes this expansion would last a full year

    We were surprised Korafax fell with such ease!
    Only to find out we’re cockblocked by keys

    So we zoned into Tower ready to raid
    Wondering how the devs still get paid

    But what we had found as soon as we started
    All these events are fucking retarded
    The raids were so awful or dare I say worse
    Than the bittersweet feeling of these serverwide firsts

    And while we are clearly ahead of the pack
    There’s always some bug that’s holding us back
    So now we await an unlikely fix
    That will let us be first to beat event six

    Ahh, that one brings back warm memories, doesn’t it?

    You know, we could, should and typically would come here to brag. You know how we do. If cockwaving was an Olympic event, we’d be the Michael Phelps of that shit. But not this time. Not for this expansion. So far, it’s a lot like robbing someone that’s retarded: they went down easy, you got your loot but, god damn, don’t brag about it. Just do it and move on, ya? I mean, what kind of absolute losers would brag about beating this content anyway? Hah, I can only imagine. They’d probably say something like, “[nothing] has even remotely come close to slowing us down.” Or something cheesy and predictable like, “So far we have completely dominated this expansion”. I mean, can you imagine that there are people out there like that? I know, it’s crazy.

    Anyway, we have completely dominated this expansion so far. And there is nothing that has come even remotely close to slowing us down. Not because we’re awesome, but because this shit is tuned for an assisted living facility to beat – not a raid full of healthy young bucks. And since we’re still eating solid foods and not shitting our pants in our sleep, we have to ask: Could we get this shit adjusted maybe? Dial it up a bit. It’s been nothing but one night stands in Seeds of Destruction and we’re looking to settle down with something a little more long-term at this point. Less words, more pictures now!

    The first stop on our campaign of pain was Korafax, Home of the Riders. We stomped some XXL mudholes into the three events there: Mindshear Avatar, Venom Lord Ksathrax & Pallorax the Soul Slayer. There’s not much to be said about the events themselves; challenge low, lots of trash but I will say this – that balrog looking model they use for Pallorax looks fucking toight. That might be the coolest looking shit in all of EverQuest. And don’t be fooled by the weird text, that is really Venom Lord Kthxla~ or whatever. True story.

    And then…

    …the five easiest events we’ve ever seen. I’m not bullshitting you. As far as raiding end-zones go, this shit is made in New York City. So, in chronological order, here are the events and some pictures of them. There’s not much to talk about since we just ran through them like shit through a very incontinent end-game goose.

    Event 1, Mindblight

    Event 2, Trophy Room

    Event 3, Stasis

    Event 4, Scrying

    Event 5, Sacrifice

    Only one more event stands in between us and the Don Dada of Discord Lord Brekt, Rider of Discord himself. We promise a timely front page update after we smash Event(s) 6 & 7 to bring home the biiiig dubya. Super promise!

    Us too, buddy…us too.

    On behalf of everyone here at Triality, Dazinth would like to wish everyone a Happy Kwanzaa. In the spirit of his people’s blessed holiday, he will be wearing the customary Kwanzaa colors until the new year.

    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 11, 2008 01:54