Quarken Era (2004-2013)

Quarken Xired began writing front page updates in 2004, during Gates of Discord, until the final days of Triality in 2013.

  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Don’t Even Try And Deny It

    Yo everyone. Last night we took our first steps into Crystallos, Lair of the Awakened. Within an hour or two we had put our boot soles up some mud holes, but you can read about that in a near-future front page update. This update is to put a lid on our epic journey through Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion. Although, before the pleasure comes the business: Recruitment!

    At this time we’re currently looking for a few good members to aide us in our ongoing struggle against the evil forces of Norrath. The classes desired are listed below:

    Bard
    Cleric
    Shaman

    Before applying, see our requirements in the Application section of our forums. If you meet those requirements send Powdwar or Quarken a tell in-game.


    Back to the fun stuff. Much to everyone’s surprise, mine included, we have put together a quick movie of our fun times in Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion. Like always, the soundtrack is driven by that cherub of cheer, Andrew W.K. Please enjoy!

    Triality vs. Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion
    24 MB .wmv format

    Soundtrack:
    It’s Time To Party by Andrew W.K.

    Originally posted by qxx • Feb 19, 2008 18:16
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    You Can’t Stop What You Can’t End

    Yo everyone. We’re going to kick it old school right now and start this incomprehensibly sextastic update off with recruitment information. Now before you post an application you’ll want to check this list, homeboy:

    1. Read our requirements here.
    2. Contact Dalnoth, Powdwar or Quarken in-game.
    3. Once we’ve done a thorough cavity search, we’ll let you board the plane for your first class trip to paradise.

    At this time we’re looking for the following classes:

    Bard
    Berserker
    Cleric
    Enchanter
    Monk
    Ranger
    Rogue


    Before we continue, I have to warn you. We spent all of last night at a yoga class in the Plane of Tranquility in order to be as limber and loose as humanly possible. How come? Because of the gratuitous amount of self-fellatio you’re about to witness. That’s why. Humility is for women, check it at the door, son.

    This model is cool enough to get two pictures.

    As a loyal reader of TrialityGuild.com, I’m sure you’ll recall that our first crushing victory inside of Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion came at the start of the new year on Jan 1, 2008. And 17 long ass days later, I’m here to tell you that we have conquered and completed the Mansion in its entirety by putting the boots to Meldrath the Malignant himself. Only 17 days – that is really impressive, if I don’t say so myself. Especially when you consider the will-sapping amount of bugs we had to wallow through in order to get here. No exaggeration. Entire nights flushed directly down the shitter over and over again. But we don’t stop. We kept ourselves moving forward as much as we could and it really paid off. So I’m going to congratulate ourselves. Good job…us…

    Now, about that humility. On the Breakneck front page update, I was shitting all types of furious rage because that event sucks. Remarkably, the rest of the events in this zone are great when they aren’t wildly bugging out (e.g., Bergurgle Tinkertwats). The Meldrath the Malignant fight was especially fun, for reals. That’s all. I just wanted to take a second away from throwing roses at ourselves and patting our collective back to show some love to this zone and the raid events within it. Odd, I know.

    So the Mansion is destroyed. We now take our huge e-balls to Crystallos, Lair of the Awakened. We anxiously look forward to raiding there soon. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day everyone!




    Originally posted by qxx • Jan 19, 2008 16:23
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    The Apes of Wrath

    Yo everyone. As I write this update, I am reminded of the fruitful insight that can only be provided by the internets. I’m searching for the words to properly express our crushing victories in Meldrath’s Magestic Mansion. For these words I must revert to our digital prophet, The Steamroller. And clearly, the residents of the Mansion are bad at behaving. So, who have we slathered with asphalt this time?

    We rolled up on the Notorious M.E.G first. Just as we were about to inject a cannon full of clockwork Botox into that ugly ass mug, we were ambushed by Doctor ‘I Love It When You Call Me Big Brinda’ Sprockets. She was all romping around in her steampowered Rascal Powerchair™. We put the boots to this pig and collected our bounty. Since I am lacking a screenshot of the actual Brinda, here’s a very close approximation in the form of a Megaman 2 sprite instead.


    We were so intoxicated with sheer power after putting the crush on the good doctor that we strolled up to el toro de sueño. Krond the Longhorn, as he’s known by the ladies, was having himself a nice siesta when we kicked open the blast doors and dropped a proton torpedo directly up his small exhaust port, killing him in less than 12 parsecs.


    So that’s the latest. If you’re keeping score, you’ll notice we’ve put the clamps on everything in this zone aside from Meldrath himself. So you know where to be and who to be looking for (here and his Gnomish cadaver!). See you soon, don’t let your meat loaf…



    Originally posted by qxx Jan 14, 2008 12:39

  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Swallow Up The Air And Earth

    Yo everyone. Look at this: another front page update just 4 days later. That’s some sort of innernets anomaly. But don’t be scurred – it won’t happen again. Unless, of course, we take this pace of domination, mutilation and masturbation straight to the faces of these next events. In which case, there shall be more front page updates. Oh yes, more! For we have already felled two more foes within Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion.


    The Battle Room event and its Tactical Prototype XXVII was where and who we went to see after that shitass Breakneck, Master at Arms event was down and done shit-stinking up the zone. God damn that event sucks. But, I gotta say, collectively, we really enjoyed the Battle Room event. It’s new, challenging and there is nothing cooler than giant robots. It is the unicorns & candy we were hoping for. Buuuut we got one loot. Fucking gnarly!

    Risk vs. Reward unavailable for comment.

    After that little breath-of-fresh-air of an event, which it really was, we took our huge throbbing testicles over to Seneschal Bargangle Tinkerson. Pause. Read the name again. Read it. Respect it. Love it. Proceed. Ballgargle Tinkletank has arguably the most buggy event we’ve come across in here yet. This is event is so bu-

    With Delbert on our side, we blasted through the bugs and smashed Burglarize Tinklestank just to collect, yet again, one loot.

    Zey do notzing.

    So that be all fer now, me mateys. I’m sure we’ll put the screw to some more events shortly.
    Until then…



    Originally posted by qxx • Jan 06, 2008 00:07
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Mutilate The Worms

    Yo everyone. The first front page update of a new year! And, really, the first content related update since June of 2007. So what have we been doing for the past half a year? We’ve been beefing up on our prayers and vitamins for the new expansion, and it hath arrived. For we have finally tasted the fruits of Secrets of Faydwer and they taste like shit. Why oh why? Well, half the content was broken or malfunctioning when we first went at it. I’ll pause while you slam the Life Alert® emergency response necklace draped around your neck from that heart attack you just had. Ok, good? So, we slopped our way through that shit pile and now we’ve gotten into Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion. Which, sadly everything seems to be working as intended. Why sadly? Because it’s trashola so far! In all fairness, we’ve only fully dissected one event. So the rest of the events may very well be all unicorns and candy. Until then though…


    Breakneck, Master at Arms. He’s the guy we killed. There are a few ways I can describe the event to you. I could just link you back to some Demi-Plane of Blood updates, and you could pretend that reading material is about this event – verbatim. I could take a poop on a pile of poop in a poop factory as some sort of analogous visual aide. Or, I could just showcase the very process that the developers used to create this event. Let’s go with the latter.

    Combine the following:
    • Hatchet the Torturer
    • Zi-Thuuli of the Granite Claw
    • Richard Simmons
    • Down’s Syndrome

    Voilà! Instant content. Al Gore would be so impressed at the progress the green movement is making in MMOs with this kind of recycling. Steamsuits will be running on 100% vegetable oil by spring time! All kidding aside – it’s really that bad. This is no exaggeration, friends. This event is so gay that they actually made a movie about it. It’s this summer’s feel-good family blockbuster smash hit.

    And then to add insult to inj; 1 loot. We got one shitty loot. I know this expansion is supposed to last a year+ but honestly, 1 loot? That’s trash. Trashola. Trasholio! I’d rather be geared to the gills, sitting on my ass in the Guild Lobby, rocking vigorously like an autist for 3 months while waiting for the next expansion to drop than spend an entire year farming this one because the drop rate is slower than the autist I pictured when writing that last sentence (he was very autizzy). Oh, the loot:


    So, one event in the books. More to come soon. Since, unlike other guilds we don’t get holidays off. So while they’re off lighting their menorahs and stealing Kwanzaa cakes, we’ll be stuffing stockings in the Mansion.


    Come on in, the water’s warm.

    Originally posted by qxx • Jan 02, 2008 18:24
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Face Fisted

    Yo everyone. I just typed a bunch of shit. A bunch of shit about events sucking and all that. I’m sick as a dog and I just took enough NyQuil™ to tranquilize an horny orca. So I’ll save the write-up for when we actually beat these piss poor events. What’s got me and 60 other people fired up and looking for blood answers right now? These servers are still going down like a Viet prostitute being handed a jar full of pennies. Another 3.5 hours completely wasted. That’s approximately 213.5 man hours. So, like clockwork (no pun there) the zone crashes at the peak of our raiding experience tonight. Just like Solteris always did. Naturally, I go to log back in and join in on the collective plight of my guildmates and the login servers are down!

    No, not really. So, I decide to click the Scheduled Downtime link on the useless prompt (shown above) that you get when the login screen is locked in its chastity belt, just to make sure I wasn’t in the middle of some much needed scheduled maintenance, and the first thing I see on the page that loads is…

    Buy some Legends of Norrath packs and get the fuck out of here, kid.

    Sadly, no. I’m not. Douche bags.


    Originally posted by qxx • Dec 30, 2007 22:06

  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    5 Years Long. 5 Years Strong.

    Yo everyone! It is time for celebration, inebriation and admiration of the creation of this here congregation that we call Triality. Just this past month we celebrated our 5th year anniversary as a guild, and in true Triality fashion, here is the late front page update telling you all about it.

    Five years is a long time to do anything. I haven’t done anything for that long consecutively except get balder and fatter. But anyone, from any guild that plays hardcore EverQuest, knows how difficult nearly impossible it is to keep things together for any amount of years – especially five of them. Five years is a long time for a guild to stay rolling and keep our head above water. Lucky for us, we don’t just keep our head above the water – we dive into the shallow end and piss in the kiddie pool. And for some reason, that makes us a better, stronger, guild year after year. Nobody knows why; don’t ask. So this front page update is just a nod to the times we’ve had and the times we’re gonna have. So sit back and put on your readers as we reminisce; putting the mental in sentimental. 0.0WIDT?


    • The History of Triality •

    2002

    • Oct

      Orruar’s water breaks. Triality spills forward in a red and raging mist.

    2003

    • Feb

      Emperor Ssraeshza is destroyed.

    • Jul

      Rallos Zek the Warlord is smashed.

    • Aug

      Solusek Ro killed at 8:00AM in the morning while <Eternal Advocates> tried their best to stop us from gaining Plane of Fire access.

    • Sep

      Fennin Ro, The Tyrant of Fire is extinguished.

    • Oct

      Xegony, The Queen of Air is deflated.

    • Nov

      The Rathe Council & the Avatar of Earth take a dirt nap.

    • Nov

      Coirnav, The Avatar of Water is flushed, despite <Caer Cadarn>’s best efforts to stop us.

    • Dec

      Quarm is drawn and quartered.

    2004

    • May

      Uqua, The Ocean God Chantry is tactically infiltrated.

    • Jun

      Noqufiel is assassinated.

    • Jun

      Quarken begins doing front page news updates at TrialityGuild.com. Lonely housewives everywhere now have something to masturbate to other than cookbooks and minivans.

    • Jul

      Txevu, Lair of the Elite is raped and pillaged.

    • Oct

      Triality beats 4 out of 6 Muramite Proving Grounds Raid Trials before anyone else.

    • Oct

      Triality becomes the 2nd guild to enter The Asylum of Anguish.

    • Nov

      Naturalhealer Evertease completes the first Cleric Epic 2.0 quest in the entire game – Aegis of Superior Divinity

    • Dec

      Medaan Songweaver completes the first Bard Epic 2.0 quest in the entire game – Blade of Vesagran

    • Dec

      Dalnoth Domination completes the first Rogue Epic 2.0 quest in the entire game – Nightshade, Blade of Entropy

    2005

    • Jan

      Triality is the 3rd guild to rescue Jelvan.

    • Feb

      Tunat’Muram Cuu Vauax and the dungeon of Tacvi are defeated.

    • Mar

      Sony commandeers the Death Star and blows up our home planet of Vazaelle. Maelin Starpyre was far too remote for an effective demonstration.

    • 19-matav2

      Jun

      Overlord Mata Muram is defeated with only 47 people (6 clerics) & before the mask debacle was uncovered.

    • Jul

      Vishimtar the Fallen is felled.

    • Sep

      Triality nearly disbands in our darkest hour.

    • Dec

      After rebuilding the guild & regearing new members, Triality kills Sendaii, the Hive Queen with only 48 people (4 clerics & 1 retard) to gain access to the The Demiplane of Blood. Officially sponsored by Alcoholics Anonymous at this point.

    2006

    • Feb

      Redfang gets his wings clipped.

    • Mar

      Mayong Mistmoore has been slain by Triality.

    • Mar

      Triality finishes the Depths of Darkhollow expansion with a respectable 7th place finish after nearly disbanding in September and being the 30th-something guild to enter the Demi-Plane of Blood.

    • Jun

      Triality enters Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance.

    • Jul

      Ayonae Ro has her throat sliced.

    • Oct

      Solving the bugs and puzzles of King Odeen, Triality becomes the 1st guild into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King.

    • Nov

      Lorekeeper Grenwald and the first dungeon of Frostcrypt are defeated.

    • Nov

      Movie: Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King.

    • Nov

      Beltron the Shade King and the second dungeon of Frostcrypt are defeated.

    • Dec

      Lethar the Black and Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale are defeated.

    • Dec

      Triality finishes The Serpent’s Spine expansion in 1st place. Becoming the first guild from both the Vazaelle and Maelin Starpyre servers to deliver a game-wide 1st place finish and setting many first place achievements along the way.

    • Dec

      Movie: Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale.

    2007

    • Mar

      Triality is invited to be featured in Sony Online Entertainment’s “Feel The Burn” Solteris raid preview movie.

    • Mar

      Movie: Triality, Class of 2007 featuing every member of Triality at the time it was made.

    • Jun

      Triality finishes The Buried Sea expansion in 1st place – 20 days before the 2nd place guild & 72 days before the 3rd place guild.

    • Jun

      Movie: A Night in Solteris a.k.a. “Why?”

    • Jul

      Movie: Solteris, Throne of Ro.

    • Aug

      Movie: Triality Shrouds vs. Lord Nagafen

    • Oct

      Triality celebrates its fifth anniversary. You are here.


    Holy shit, that was a lot of things we did. And you know, looking back on all those good times, I was reminded of the members, or almost members in some cases, that we came across. You know, the members who’s names we’ll never forget – and not for the good reasons. Now, we’ve seen a shitload of people come in and out of our doors over the years and Dalnoth and I don’t have the greatest memory however…

    After much research and intense analysis, we complied a list of the worst most trashy players to ever ride beside us. The list was lengthy at first, but we whittled it down to the Top 10 most terrible-wrapped-in-awful candidates. And, I don’t know about you, but I can’t celebrate properly unless I’m half-cocked and ripping into someone to make myself feel better. Don’t be confused, you aren’t about to read the starting lineup in this year’s Special Olympics wiffle ball team; this is Triality’s Hall of Shame.

    10. Neomatrixx
    Neo gets the benefit of number 10 because he lasted the longest out of this pile of failure. Neo’s offense: He never met a pixel pussy he couldn’t digitally diddle. I would say I never saw Neo grouping with men, but I’m pretty sure 90% of his cyber-queens were packing in the pants behind the screens. On top of that, Neo had a nice habit of conning huge sums of platinum from unsuspecting ‘friends’ to fuel the IGE.com industrial complex. These EverQuest subscriptions ain’t gonna buy themselves, ya know.

    9. Healszorz
    This guy had the healing capabilities of an AIDS Super Soaker™ and the brains of a child trapped under the ice in December who gets found in June. He single-handedly paved the way for ‘judge applicants by the stupidity of their name’. So he comes in at number 9 because that was one good thing he didz0rz.

    8. Broagg
    You may remember Broagg or should I say broagg.com/live-webcam-boi.htm When Broagg wasn’t snapping into a riposte discipline at the worst possible times he was offering to haul out his ‘1hb’ on his webcam for anything with a vagina. I’m pretty sure he retired and became lonelygirl15.

    7. Dorgamer
    Dorgamer built his EverQuest portfolio with Triality and then decided to invest his profits in Momentum. I don’t know how well that worked out, but I did see him at the PoK bank filling out Chapter 11 forms and some repo-man was seizing his weapons and armor. He might have not made the list if it wasn’t for the fact that he made the decision to leave us in the middle of a Redfang fight. Stay classy, pal.

    6. Dezyn
    Dezyn could have been an great member of the guild if she wasn’t always so busy flying around the world to exotic locations doing photo shoots. Because, you know, she was multi-million dollar supermodel. I think it was around her extended break in Sweden when she finally got the boot. The lying wouldn’t have been so bad is she didn’t send her picture to every single person in the guild trying to really sell the lie.

    5. Faidian
    Someone get Faidian a cab to the library right now! We need backup! Faid’s ISP went out one night, and being such a dedicated and hardcore player that he was, he went all the way to the library to make a post explaining his internet troubles to us and how he was very sorry he couldn’t raid with us that evening. Unfortunately for Faidian, Nuntius PI was on the IP and noticed that Faidian’s house and library had the same IP address. Whoops. Instead of accepting the hilarious embarrassment, Faidian dug himself into a pit of lies of which he couldn’t climb out. The motherfucker could rock the ill Dewey Decimal System though. Word up.

    4. Bruizerr
    In the 5 years we’ve been a guild, Bruizerr stands out as the worst applicant in the history of Triality. Classic Bruizerr moment: Strapping Hatchet the Torturer to his chest and carbombing not just the entire raid, but specifically the rez corner we had setup. Let’s not forget about the time Bruizerr single-handedly depopped The Performer by miskeying emotes. Denied.

    3. Cerco
    When you can’t find help for your Epic 2.0 quest at 3AM when only 10 people are online; 6 of which are AFK and 4 of which are bots, do you:
    a.) Wait until tomorrow
    b.) Flip the fuck out and deguild
    c.) Flip the fuck out and deguild, talk shit about your former guild, troll their forums talking shit, deny any of this ever happened and then months later, to this very day, spam every officer in your former guild apologizing and begging to return. C for the answer. A for persistence. F for life.

    2. Alwayys
    postapplication?ENDMAC I’m not really sure about Alwayys. I think his massive system of third-party software became self-aware like Skynet and posted the application to the guild for him. Terminated.

    1. Volt
    Volt had the benefit of being our only Enchanter for a short period of time. And within that short period, he became an ego torpedo and thought he was the cat’s meow. The self-proclaimed King of All Enchanters took his skill of being able to mez 67 mobs simultaneously elsewhere, along with the majority of our strategies. Unfortunately for Volt, our strategies only work for us and not hastily created, second-rate, Johnny-Come-Lately shitter guilds. He realized this though, and then tried to actively recruit our entire guild into his team of failure. Unlike most of the Horrors of EverQuest listed above, Volt still actively carries disdain for anything and everything Triality. And this, my friend, has you batting in the lead-off spot for this Top Ten Team of Failure.


    Now, we don’t want to seem like a hateful and bitter group of people. So now that we’ve highlighted the worst people we’ve come across in five years, I think we should throw some props out to the good shit. We’ve had a ton of members over the years who have come and gone that were/are just amazing players and megawesome people. To list them all here would be like impossible. That being said, few people retire and are missed as much as this guy and few people made us collectively laugh and question our faith in humanity as much as Fishlip. And since he was always a staple in the quote section of these updates, we’re going to take a look at the best of the worst of Fish’s whacked out brain over the years.

    http://trialityguild.com/t-img/news/q/20041014/Boyfriend.jpg

    Well that’s really it. Just a fun relaxing update for now. The new expansion, Secrets of Faydwer, drops soon so look back here for toetags and teabags on the corpses of everything it brings to our doorstep. So, to everyone in this guild past and present, I raise my 12 ounces of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the air and salute. Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.


    Originally posted by qxx • Oct 29, 2007 14:17
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    The Sexiest Sexists

    Yo everyone. While we take this expansion off-season to prep ourselves for the fun, excitement, cash & prizes that surely awaits us in Secrets of Faydwer, we still manage to find ways to prove that Triality has the biggest balls in the playground. Just when you thought we were the sexiest, hardest, most cunning adventurers you’d ever lay your worthless eyes on, we go and reinforce our position as The Don Megas of EverQuest by slaying the infamous Lord Nagafen. Lord Nagafen? You read that right but let me sexplain.

    We’re still living in endless frustration. Sony can’t seem to keep an instance of Solteris from crashing long enough for us to complete a single fucking raid. Despite this, we still manage to gather up a full raid of stone cold killers every night. So we have to find something to do. And when we find ourselves in that position, there’s always Shrouds.

    Triality (Shrouds) vs. Lord Nagafen
    12.5MB .wmv format

    Soundtrack:
    Deththeme by Dethklok

    “Female” EverQuest signatures be like…
    Originally posted by qxx • Aug 21, 2007 12:50
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    Tear It Up All Night

    Yo everyone. As you can see by the subtle banner above, we are recruiting Clerics. And, even though we play on a server that’s more unstable than Michael J. Fox on a unicycle, crashing nightly like a DC-10, we still manage to trump and dump on everyone else out there. So if you wanna be ridin’ dirtay, check out our application requirements and send a tell to Dalnoth or Orruar in-game before you apply.


    quarken.x
    Originally posted by qxx • Jul 31, 2007 20:00