Yo everyone. The first front page update of a new year! And, really, the first content related update since June of 2007. So what have we been doing for the past half a year? We’ve been beefing up on our prayers and vitamins for the new expansion, and it hath arrived. For we have finally tasted the fruits of Secrets of Faydwer and they taste like shit. Why oh why? Well, half the content was broken or malfunctioning when we first went at it. I’ll pause while you slam the Life Alert® emergency response necklace draped around your neck from that heart attack you just had. Ok, good? So, we slopped our way through that shit pile and now we’ve gotten into Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion. Which, sadly everything seems to be working as intended. Why sadly? Because it’s trashola so far! In all fairness, we’ve only fully dissected one event. So the rest of the events may very well be all unicorns and candy. Until then though…
Breakneck, Master at Arms. He’s the guy we killed. There are a few ways I can describe the event to you. I could just link you back to some Demi-Plane of Blood updates, and you could pretend that reading material is about this event – verbatim. I could take a poop on a pile of poop in a poop factory as some sort of analogous visual aide. Or, I could just showcase the very process that the developers used to create this event. Let’s go with the latter.
Combine the following:
- Hatchet the Torturer
- Zi-Thuuli of the Granite Claw
- Richard Simmons
- Down’s Syndrome
Voilà! Instant content. Al Gore would be so impressed at the progress the green movement is making in MMOs with this kind of recycling. Steamsuits will be running on 100% vegetable oil by spring time! All kidding aside – it’s really that bad. This is no exaggeration, friends. This event is so gay that they actually made a movie about it. It’s this summer’s feel-good family blockbuster smash hit.
And then to add insult to inj; 1 loot. We got one shitty loot. I know this expansion is supposed to last a year+ but honestly, 1 loot? That’s trash. Trashola. Trasholio! I’d rather be geared to the gills, sitting on my ass in the Guild Lobby, rocking vigorously like an autist for 3 months while waiting for the next expansion to drop than spend an entire year farming this one because the drop rate is slower than the autist I pictured when writing that last sentence (he was very autizzy). Oh, the loot:
So, one event in the books. More to come soon. Since, unlike other guilds we don’t get holidays off. So while they’re off lighting their menorahs and stealing Kwanzaa cakes, we’ll be stuffing stockings in the Mansion.