Yo everyone! It is time for celebration, inebriation and admiration of the creation of this here congregation that we call Triality. Just this past month we celebrated our 5th year anniversary as a guild, and in true Triality fashion, here is the late front page update telling you all about it.
Five years is a long time to do anything. I haven’t done anything for that long consecutively except get balder and fatter. But anyone, from any guild that plays hardcore EverQuest, knows how
difficult nearly impossible it is to keep things together for any amount of years – especially five of them. Five years is a long time for a guild to stay rolling and keep our head above water. Lucky for us, we don’t just keep our head above the water – we dive into the shallow end and piss in the kiddie pool. And for some reason, that makes us a better, stronger, guild year after year. Nobody knows why; don’t ask. So this front page update is just a nod to the times we’ve had and the times we’re gonna have. So sit back and put on your readers as we reminisce; putting the mental in sentimental. 0.0WIDT?
• The History of Triality •
Holy shit, that was a lot of things we did. And you know, looking back on all those good times, I was reminded of the members, or almost members in some cases, that we came across. You know, the members who’s names we’ll never forget – and not for the good reasons. Now, we’ve seen a shitload of people come in and out of our doors over the years and Dalnoth and I don’t have the greatest memory however…
After much research and intense analysis, we complied a list of the worst most trashy players to ever ride beside us. The list was lengthy at first, but we whittled it down to the Top 10 most terrible-wrapped-in-awful candidates. And, I don’t know about you, but I can’t celebrate properly unless I’m half-cocked and ripping into someone to make myself feel better. Don’t be confused, you aren’t about to read the starting lineup in this year’s Special Olympics wiffle ball team; this is Triality’s Hall of Shame.
Neo gets the benefit of number 10 because he lasted the longest out of this pile of failure. Neo’s offense: He never met a pixel pussy he couldn’t digitally diddle. I would say I never saw Neo grouping with men, but I’m pretty sure 90% of his cyber-queens were packing in the pants behind the screens. On top of that, Neo had a nice habit of conning huge sums of platinum from unsuspecting ‘friends’ to fuel the IGE.com industrial complex. These EverQuest subscriptions ain’t gonna buy themselves, ya know.
This guy had the healing capabilities of an AIDS Super Soaker™ and the brains of a child trapped under the ice in December who gets found in June. He single-handedly paved the way for ‘judge applicants by the stupidity of their name’. So he comes in at number 9 because that was one good thing he didz0rz.
You may remember Broagg or should I say broagg.com/live-webcam-boi.htm When Broagg wasn’t snapping into a riposte discipline at the worst possible times he was offering to haul out his ‘1hb’ on his webcam for anything with a vagina. I’m pretty sure he retired and became lonelygirl15.
Dorgamer built his EverQuest portfolio with Triality and then decided to invest his profits in Momentum. I don’t know how well that worked out, but I did see him at the PoK bank filling out Chapter 11 forms and some repo-man was seizing his weapons and armor. He might have not made the list if it wasn’t for the fact that he made the decision to leave us in the middle of a Redfang fight. Stay classy, pal.
Dezyn could have been an great member of the guild if she wasn’t always so busy flying around the world to exotic locations doing photo shoots. Because, you know, she was multi-million dollar supermodel. I think it was around her extended break in Sweden when she finally got the boot. The lying wouldn’t have been so bad is she didn’t send her picture to every single person in the guild trying to really sell the lie.
Someone get Faidian a cab to the library right now! We need backup! Faid’s ISP went out one night, and being such a dedicated and hardcore player that he was, he went all the way to the library to make a post explaining his internet troubles to us and how he was very sorry he couldn’t raid with us that evening. Unfortunately for Faidian, Nuntius PI was on the IP and noticed that Faidian’s house and library had the same IP address. Whoops. Instead of accepting the hilarious embarrassment, Faidian dug himself into a pit of lies of which he couldn’t climb out. The motherfucker could rock the ill Dewey Decimal System though. Word up.
In the 5 years we’ve been a guild, Bruizerr stands out as the worst applicant in the history of Triality. Classic Bruizerr moment: Strapping Hatchet the Torturer to his chest and carbombing not just the entire raid, but specifically the rez corner we had setup. Let’s not forget about the time Bruizerr single-handedly depopped The Performer by miskeying emotes. Denied.
When you can’t find help for your Epic 2.0 quest at 3AM when only 10 people are online; 6 of which are AFK and 4 of which are bots, do you:
a.) Wait until tomorrow
b.) Flip the fuck out and deguild
c.) Flip the fuck out and deguild, talk shit about your former guild, troll their forums talking shit, deny any of this ever happened and then months later, to this very day, spam every officer in your former guild apologizing and begging to return. C for the answer. A for persistence. F for life.
postapplication?ENDMAC I’m not really sure about Alwayys. I think his massive system of third-party software became self-aware like Skynet and posted the application to the guild for him. Terminated.
Volt had the benefit of being our only Enchanter for a short period of time. And within that short period, he became an ego torpedo and thought he was the cat’s meow. The self-proclaimed King of All Enchanters took his skill of being able to mez 67 mobs simultaneously elsewhere, along with the majority of our strategies. Unfortunately for Volt, our strategies only work for us and not hastily created, second-rate, Johnny-Come-Lately shitter guilds. He realized this though, and then tried to actively recruit our entire guild into his team of failure. Unlike most of the Horrors of EverQuest listed above, Volt still actively carries disdain for anything and everything Triality. And this, my friend, has you batting in the lead-off spot for this Top Ten Team of Failure.
Now, we don’t want to seem like a hateful and bitter group of people. So now that we’ve highlighted the worst people we’ve come across in five years, I think we should throw some props out to the good shit. We’ve had a ton of members over the years who have come and gone that were/are just amazing players and megawesome people. To list them all here would be like impossible. That being said, few people retire and are missed as much as this guy and few people made us collectively laugh and question our faith in humanity as much as Fishlip. And since he was always a staple in the quote section of these updates, we’re going to take a look at the best of the worst of Fish’s whacked out brain over the years.
Well that’s really it. Just a fun relaxing update for now. The new expansion, Secrets of Faydwer, drops soon so look back here for toetags and teabags on the corpses of everything it brings to our doorstep. So, to everyone in this guild past and present, I raise my 12 ounces of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the air and salute. Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.