Yo everyone. We’re going to kick it old school right now and start this incomprehensibly sextastic update off with recruitment information. Now before you post an application you’ll want to check this list, homeboy:

1. Read our requirements here.
2. Contact Dalnoth, Powdwar or Quarken in-game.
3. Once we’ve done a thorough cavity search, we’ll let you board the plane for your first class trip to paradise.

At this time we’re looking for the following classes:

Bard
Berserker
Cleric
Enchanter
Monk
Ranger
Rogue

---

Before we continue, I have to warn you. We spent all of last night at a yoga class in the Plane of Tranquility in order to be as limber and loose as humanly possible. How come? Because of the gratuitous amount of self-fellatio you’re about to witness. That’s why. Humility is for women, check it at the door, son.

This model is cool enough to get two pictures.

As a loyal reader of TrialityGuild.com, I’m sure you’ll recall that our first crushing victory inside of Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion came at the start of the new year on Jan 1, 2008. And 17 long ass days later, I’m here to tell you that we have conquered and completed the Mansion in its entirety by putting the boots to Meldrath the Malignant himself. Only 17 days – that is really impressive, if I don’t say so myself. Especially when you consider the will-sapping amount of bugs we had to wallow through in order to get here. No exaggeration. Entire nights flushed directly down the shitter over and over again. But we don’t stop. We kept ourselves moving forward as much as we could and it really paid off. So I’m going to congratulate ourselves. Good job…us…

Now, about that humility. On the Breakneck front page update, I was shitting all types of furious rage because that event sucks. Remarkably, the rest of the events in this zone are great when they aren’t wildly bugging out (e.g., Bergurgle Tinkertwats). The Meldrath the Malignant fight was especially fun, for reals. That’s all. I just wanted to take a second away from throwing roses at ourselves and patting our collective back to show some love to this zone and the raid events within it. Odd, I know.

So the Mansion is destroyed. We now take our huge e-balls to Crystallos, Lair of the Awakened. We anxiously look forward to raiding there soon. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day everyone!

---

---

---

Originally posted by qxx • Jan 19, 2008 16:23

---

Originally posted by qxx • Jan 17, 2008 22:10

Yo everyone. Look at this: another front page update just 4 days later. That’s some sort of innernets anomaly. But don’t be scurred – it won’t happen again. Unless, of course, we take this pace of domination, mutilation and masturbation straight to the faces of these next events. In which case, there shall be more front page updates. Oh yes, more! For we have already felled two more foes within Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion.

---

The Battle Room event and its Tactical Prototype XXVII was where and who we went to see after that shitass Breakneck, Master at Arms event was down and done shit-stinking up the zone. God damn that event sucks. But, I gotta say, collectively, we really enjoyed the Battle Room event. It’s new, challenging and there is nothing cooler than giant robots. It is the unicorns & candy we were hoping for. Buuuut we got one loot. Fucking gnarly!

---

After that little breath-of-fresh-air of an event, which it really was, we took our huge throbbing testicles over to Seneschal Bargangle Tinkerson. Pause. Read the name again. Read it. Respect it. Love it. Proceed. Ballgargle Tinkletank has arguably the most buggy event we’ve come across in here yet. This is event is so bu-

With Delbert on our side, we blasted through the bugs and smashed Burglarize Tinklestank just to collect, yet again, one loot.

So that be all fer now, me mateys. I’m sure we’ll put the screw to some more events shortly.
Until then…

---

---

Originally posted by qxx • Jan 06, 2008 00:07

Yo everyone. The first front page update of a new year! And, really, the first content related update since June of 2007. So what have we been doing for the past half a year? We’ve been beefing up on our prayers and vitamins for the new expansion, and it hath arrived. For we have finally tasted the fruits of Secrets of Faydwer and they taste like shit. Why oh why? Well, half the content was broken or malfunctioning when we first went at it. I’ll pause while you slam the Life Alert® emergency response necklace draped around your neck from that heart attack you just had. Ok, good? So, we slopped our way through that shit pile and now we’ve gotten into Meldrath’s Majestic Mansion. Which, sadly everything seems to be working as intended. Why sadly? Because it’s trashola so far! In all fairness, we’ve only fully dissected one event. So the rest of the events may very well be all unicorns and candy. Until then though…

---

Breakneck, Master at Arms. He’s the guy we killed. There are a few ways I can describe the event to you. I could just link you back to some Demi-Plane of Blood updates, and you could pretend that reading material is about this event – verbatim. I could take a poop on a pile of poop in a poop factory as some sort of analogous visual aide. Or, I could just showcase the very process that the developers used to create this event. Let’s go with the latter.

Combine the following:

• Hatchet the Torturer
• Zi-Thuuli of the Granite Claw
• Richard Simmons
• Down’s Syndrome

Voilà! Instant content. Al Gore would be so impressed at the progress the green movement is making in MMOs with this kind of recycling. Steamsuits will be running on 100% vegetable oil by spring time! All kidding aside – it’s really that bad. This is no exaggeration, friends. This event is so gay that they actually made a movie about it. It’s this summer’s feel-good family blockbuster smash hit.

And then to add insult to inj; 1 loot. We got one shitty loot. I know this expansion is supposed to last a year+ but honestly, 1 loot? That’s trash. Trashola. Trasholio! I’d rather be geared to the gills, sitting on my ass in the Guild Lobby, rocking vigorously like an autist for 3 months while waiting for the next expansion to drop than spend an entire year farming this one because the drop rate is slower than the autist I pictured when writing that last sentence (he was very autizzy). Oh, the loot:

---

So, one event in the books. More to come soon. Since, unlike other guilds we don’t get holidays off. So while they’re off lighting their menorahs and stealing Kwanzaa cakes, we’ll be stuffing stockings in the Mansion.

---

---

Originally posted by qxx • Jan 02, 2008 18:24