Yo everyone. If my clock is right, it’s update:30 on this Hangover Sunday. So, down some Alka-Seltzer™ and keep your Bud mud ass off the toilet for 10 seconds: it’s time for a front page update.
Last time you came by here, we were taking turns riding Commodus, Solar Construct like a mechanical bull through Solteris, the Throne of Ro. We had just finished Event 6, The Final Portal, and we were salivating for the chance at an omnipotent threesome with Two Gods: Mayong Mistmoore and Solusek Ro. We made those dreams a reality and, post-coitus, we did what any gentleman would do: bundled them up, threw them in the trunk and found a nice comfortable ravine for them to go to sleepy-time in.
Get in the fuckin‘ trunk.
I feel like a broken record sometimes. It’s pretty exhausting to come here after we we beat each event, usually before anyone else, and bitch. Bitch because the events aren’t working, bitch because loot sucks or bitch because these events haven’t been tested or tuned. Like in the case of Two Gods, the shit wasn’t beatable by any ways possible for a while. I could come here, write some hi-lar-ious commentary about how Two Gods was a gayer experience than Liberace teabagging a ball-gagged unicorn that’s shitting rainbow sherbet into an even gayer unicorns mouth, but why bother? It’s not funny anymore. I mean it is if you really picture that unicorn thing but ya, it’s tiresome by now. Show some effort into getting this shit worked out and working proper before you have throngs of people wasting weeks upon weeks, losing to your expansions for no actual reason. Also, give Nodyin a raise and some hookers. He’s the sole reason we aren’t at your gates with pitchforks and torches firebombing your faces.
I want to congratulate this here group of marauders that we call Triality on another remarkable victory. With this one now in the books, we become the 1st guild in all of EverQuest to conquer The Buried Sea. What’s that now? Two 1st place finishes in a row? We’re putting the nasty in dynasty. I hope the other guilds don’t get too upset being below us. At least you get to look up Kela’s miniskirt but be warned: her big, swinging e-penis is twice the size of yours.
Well that will do it for this edition. Between now and the imminent slaughter of the next expansion, you can check back here for our Solteris raid video which is in the works. Until then, don’t let your meat loaf, kid.