Quarken Era (2004-2013)

King Kong Your Monkey Ass Like Gorilla Monsoon

Yo everyone. This front page update is so sweet that it’s going to put you into an irreversible diabetic coma. So check your pancreas as the door, we’re jumping right into it tonight. Before I dump a confectionery fist of front page updating straight into your blood sugar levels, let’s talk about recruitment.

We’re currently recruiting for all classes except Shadowknights.

Updated Nov 26, 2006

If you are an orphan and fit one or more of those classes listed above, then you should read our requirements on the Application forum. If you still want to be adopted into a family that will probably make you kneel on broomsticks and wash the toilet with your own toothbrush for even the slightest mistake, send Little Orphan Orruar or Daddy Warbucks Dalnoth a tell in game. If they think you’re worth $.02/hour to work in our Kunark sweatshops, pack your suitcase because you’ve been called up to the big leagues.

Last update, I told you we’ve gotten into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King #2. And same as #1, we beat it like a losing greyhound. Indeed we are the 1st guild serverwide to beat Beltron the Shade King and the entire Frostcrypt raid arc. So let’s take the tour!

First up is the The Sleepless Guard event with the Overseer of the Cryptguard. This is probably the worst event in EverQuest at the moment. The only way it could get worse is if it AE’d stomach cancer and forcibly fisted your parents while pissing in your gas tank. The entire zone is pretty much the same way but whatever; they make it, we’ll beat it. And since we’re the only ones in it, they won’t adjust shit! We have to wait for the Hollywood guilds to get in there and cry about how difficult of a zone it is to raid in. Then like magic *snap* it’ll get ~fixed~.


If you want to see the loot, check the update about FC #1 because it’s the same shitty augments we got from there. Call Ripley’s because I can’t believe it.

Next in line is Fridleif, World of Warcraft Master. I apologize for the lack of a photographic feast here. Just picture one of any of the three NPC models in any screenshot on this site for the past 8 weeks. Let your imagination just run wild with that cornucopia of monster models zzz…zzz… I forget exactly what I wanted to complain about in this encounter since after the Overseer event everything is just a blur of green giants, bugged encounters, random zone crashes and getting fucked on loot because the named drop giant meat/bones/balls. I’d like to drop my giant meat bone and balls in the eye of whoever designed this fuckin’ place. Moving on!

After that was Wulfnor the Gladiator a.k.a. more fuel for my silent rage.


Then we have Harfange the Black.

After him we battled our way through some of the buggiest shit you’ve ever seen: Dealing with random 5 day lockouts, sporadic zone crashes, and one of the worst end-game encounters ever designed – Beltron the Shade King.

I don’t usually do this corny stuff but I really want to congratulate my Triality guildmates on being the 1st guild game-wide to defeat Frostcrypt.

Yes, I may sound bitter when writing about these events and that’s because 54 people going at these bugs, zone crashes, tons of rollbacks, random lockouts, shitty loot, sometimes lack of loot, and generally lame encounters, takes a lot of out you. But we held it together and really did put a hurtin’ on this whole entire raid arc. It really says a lot about our guild that through all of it we had a full raid on every night, ready to go. And that’s about the only positive thing to come out of this entire train wreck.

The Sad Cat of Serpent Spine’s message of the update.


Humor Holocaust

Originally posted by qxx • Nov 18, 2006 20:39

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