Legacy Updates

quarken.xired-5 Years Long. 5 Years Strong.

Originally posted by Quarken Oct 29, 2007 14:17

Yo everyone! It is a time of celebration and inebriation due to the domination of Triality. Which currently has no form ending in -ation, no matter how hard I tried. Just this past month we saw our 5th year as a guild go by. And in true Triality form, here is the late website update. In all seriousness though, five years is a long time for a guild to stay rolling and keep ahead of the game. That pretty much goes unsaid. Five years is a long time to do anything. I haven’t done anything for that long consecutively except for like get balder and maybe fatter. But anyone, from any guild, that does what we all do, knows how difficult it is to keep your head above water for this long. Lucky for us, we don’t just keep our head above the water; we dive in the shallow end and piss in the kiddie pool. And for some reason, that makes us stronger. Nobody knows, don’t ask. So this update is just a nod to the times we’ve had and the times ahead of us. I warn you, it’s going to get pretty lengthy! Now sit back and put your reading glasses on as we reminisce and put the mental in sentimental. 0.0?

The History of Triality

x every item in timeline below

 10/02 Orruar’s water breaks. Triality spills forward in a red and raging mist.
 02/03 Emperor Ssraeshza is destroyed.
 07/03 Rallos Zek the Warlord is smashed.
 08/03 Solusek Ro dead at 8:00am in the morning because Eternal Advocates were trying to cockblock us from Fire access.
 09/03 Fennin Ro, The Tyrant of Fire is killed.
 10/03 Xegony, The Queen of Air is killed.
 11/03 The Rathe Council is killed.
 11/03 Coirnav, The Avatar of Water is killed (despite Caer Cadarn’s best attempt to cockblock us).
 12/03 Quarm is disassembled.
 05/04 Uqua, The Ocean God Chantry is tactically disected.
 06/04 Noqufiel is killed. Quarken begins doing website updates. Lonely housewives everywhere now have something to masturbate to other than cookbooks and minivans.
 07/04 Txevu, Lair of the Elite is raped and pillaged.
 10/04 4 of 6 Muramite Proving Grounds trials are defeated before anyone else.
 11/04 Naturalhealer Evertease completes the first Cleric epic 2.0.
 12/04 Medaan Songweaver completes the first Bard epic 2.0.
 12/04 Dalnoth Domination completes the first Rogue epic 2.0.
 01/05 Jelvan is rescued.
 02/05 Tunat’Muram Cuu Vauax is defeated…finally.
 03/05 Sony commandeers the Death Star and blows up our home planet of Vazaelle. Maelin Starpyre was far too remote for an effective demonstration.
 06/05 Overlord Mata Muram is defeated: 6 clerics, 47 people and before the mask debacle was uncovered.
 09/05 Triality nearly disbands.
 12/05 After rebuilding, regearing and doing too many MPG trials and Tacvi clears, Triality kills Sendaii, the Hive Queen with 48 people and 4 clerics + 1 bot and 1 retard to gain access to the The Demiplane of Blood. Officially sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon at this point.
 02/06 Redfang gets his wings clipped.
 03/06 Mayong Mistmoore is killed. Serverwide 8th after nearly disbanding in September and being the 30th something guild to kill Sendaii.
 06/06 Triality enters Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance.
 07/06 Ayonae Ro is killed.
 10/06 Solving the bugs and puzzles that was King Odeen; Triality is the first guild into Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King.
 11/06 The first dungeon of Frostcrypt is defeated.
 11/06 Movie: Frostcrypt, Throne of the Shade King.
 11/06 The second dungeon of Frostcrypt is defeated. Triality becomes the first guild on Vazaelle or Maelin Starpyre to kill an expansion boss as a serverwide first.
 12/06 Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale gets raped. Triality becomes the first guild to complete the entire TSS expansion, killing Lethar and Beltron before anyone else.
 12/06 Movie: Ashengate, Reliquary of the Scale.
 06/07 Triality dominates competition in The Buried Sea, killing all bosses in the Solteris, Throne of Ro first.
 07/07 Movie: Solteris, Throne of Ro.
 10/07 Triality turns 5. Speaks first words, starts to walk but still shits pants.

Holy shit, that was a lot of things we did. And you know, looking back on all those good times, I was reminded of the members, or almost-members in some cases, that we came across. You know, the members who’s names we’ll never forget, and not for the good reasons. Now we’ve seen a shitload of people come in and out of our doors over the years. And Dalnoth and I don’t have the greatest memory ALCOHOLICS Who said that? But after much research and intense analysis we complied a list of the worst most trashy players to ever ride beside us. The list was lengthy at first, but we whittled it down to the Top 10 most terrible-wrapped-in-awful candidates. And, I don’t know about you, but I can’t celebrate properly unless I’m half-cocked and ripping into someone to make myself feel better. Don’t be confused, you aren’t about to read the starting lineup in this year’s Special Olympics wiffleball team; this is Triality’s Hall of Shame.

10. Neomatrixx
Neo gets the benefit of number 10 because he lasted the longest out of this pile of failure. Neo’s offense was: he never met a pixel pussy he couldn’t digitally diddle. I would say I never saw Neo grouping with men, but I’m pretty sure 90% of his cyber-queens were packing in the pants. On top of that, Neo had a nice habit of conning huge sums of platinum from unsuspecting ‘friends’ to fuel the IGE machine.

9. Healszorz
This guy had the healing capabilities of an AIDS sandwich and the brains of a child trapped under the ice in December that was found in June. He singlehandedly paved the way for ‘judge applicants by the stupidity of their name’. So he comes in at number 9 because that was one good thing he didz0rz.

8. Broagg
You may remember Broagg or should I say yahoopersonals.com/webcam/broagg.html. When Broagg wasn’t snapping into a riposte discipline at the worst possible times he was offering to haul out his ‘1hb’ on his webcam for anything with a vagina. I’m pretty sure he retired and became lonelygirl15.

7. Dorgamer
Dorgamer built his EverQuest portfolio with Triality and then decided to invest his profits in Momentum. I don’t know how well that worked out, but I did see him at the PoK bank filling out Chapter 11 forms and some repo-man was seizing his weapons and armor. He might have not made the list if it wasn’t for the fact that he made the decision to leave us…in the middle of a Redfang fight. Stay classy, pal.

6. Dezyn
Dezyn would have been an amazing member if she wasn’t always so busy flying around the world to exotic locations doing photo shoots. Because, you know, she was multi-million dollar supermodel. I think it was around her extended break in Sweeden when she finally got the boot. The lying wouldn’t have been so bad is she didn’t send her picture to every single person in the guild trying to really sell the lie. Fail.

5. Faidian
Someone get Faidian a cab to the library right now! We need backup! Faid’s ISP went out one night, and being such a dedicated and hardcore player that he was, he went all the way to the library to make a post explaining his internet troubles to us and how he was very sorry he couldn’t raid with us that evening. Unfortunately for Faidian, Nuntius PI was on the case and Faidian’s house and library has the same IP address. Oops! Instead of accepting the hilarious embarrassment, Faid dug himself into a pit of lies of which he couldn’t climb out. The motherfucker could rock the ill Dewey Decimal System though. Word up.

4. Bruizerr
In the 5 years we’ve been a guild, Bruizerr clearly stands out as the worst applicant in the history of Triality. Classic Bruizerr moment: Strapping Hatchet the Torturer to his chest and carbombing not just the entire raid, but specifically the rez corner. Or how about the time Bruizerr singlehandedly depopped The Performer by miskeying emotes. Lovely.

3. Cerco
When you can’t find help for your epic 2.0 quest at 3am when only 10 people are on and 5 of them are afk do you A.) Wait until tomorrow B.) Flip the fuck out and deguild or C.) Flip the fuck out and deguild, talk shit about your former guild, troll their forums talking shit, deny any of this ever happened and then months later, to this very day, spam every officer in your former guild apologizing and begging to return. C for the answer. A for persistence. F for life.

2. Alwayys
postapplication?ENDMAC I’m not really sure about Alwayys. I think his massive system of third-party software became self-aware like Skynet and posted the application for him. Terminated.

1. Volt
Volt had the benefit of being our only enchanter for a short period of time. But within that short period, he developed some sort of big-cock-syndrome and thought he was the cat’s meow. The self-proclaimed King of All Enchanters took his skill of being able to mez 67 mobs simultaneously elsewhere, along with the majority of our strategies. Unfortunately for Volt, our strategies only work for us. He realized this though, and then tried to actively recruit our entire guild into his team of failure. Unlike most of the horrors of EverQuest listed above, Volt still actively carries disdain for anything and everything Triality. And this, my friend, has you batting in the lead off spot on this team of failures.

Now, we don’t want to seem like a hateful and bitter group of people. So now that we’ve highlighted the worst people we’ve come across in five years, I think we should throw some props out to the good shit. We’ve had a ton of members over the years that have come and gone that are just amazing players and megawesome people. To list them all here would be like, impossible. But, few people retire and are missed as much as this guy, and few people made us collectively laugh and question our faith in humanity as much as Fishlip. And since he was always a staple in the quote section of these updates, we’re going to take a look at the best of the worst of Fish’s whacked out brain over the years.

Well that’s really it. Just a fun relaxing update for now. The new expansion, Secrets of Faydwer, drops soon so look back here for toetags and teabags on the corpses of everything it brings to our doorstep. So, to everyone in this guild past and present, I raise my 12 ounces of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the air and salute. Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.

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