Hail The Crimson Blur
Yo everyone. It’s a Christmas miracle! I’m finally going to post a front page update. Under normal circumstances, I would have grinched this off as long as possible but the Ghost of Christmas Future has its cold, evil hands around my sugar plums. So, go sit under your digital chimneys and prepare for the biggest Christmas gift of them all – Seeds of Destruction. For the occasion, I thought a time honored Christmas poem would help put us in the spirit of the season.
‘Twas the night before Korafax and all through the zone
Not a creature was there that we couldn’t own
These events were all tested on beta with care
In hopes this expansion would last a full year
We were surprised Korafax fell with such ease!
Only to find out we’re cockblocked by keys 🙁
So we zoned into Tower ready to raid
Wondering how the devs still get paid
But what we had found as soon as we started
All these events are fucking retarded
The raids were so awful or dare I say worse
Than the bittersweet feeling of these serverwide firsts
And while we are clearly ahead of the pack
There’s always some bug that’s holding us back
So now we await an unlikely fix
That will let us be first to beat event six
Ahh, that one brings back warm memories, doesn’t it?
You know, we could, should and typically would come here to brag. You know how we do. If cockwaving was an Olympic event, we’d be the Michael Phelps of that shit. But not this time. Not for this expansion. So far, it’s a lot like robbing someone that’s retarded: they went down easy, you got your loot but, god damn, don’t brag about it. Just do it and move on, ya? I mean, what kind of absolute losers would brag about beating this content anyway? Hah, I can only imagine. They’d probably say something like, “[nothing] has even remotely come close to slowing us down.” Or something cheesy and predictable like, “So far we have completely dominated this expansion”. I mean, can you imagine that there are people out there like that? I know, it’s crazy.
Anyway, we have completely dominated this expansion so far. And there is nothing that has come even remotely close to slowing us down. Not because we’re awesome, but because this shit is tuned for an assisted living facility to beat – not a raid full of healthy young bucks. And since we’re still eating solid foods and not shitting our pants in our sleep, we have to ask: Could we get this shit adjusted maybe? Dial it up a bit. It’s been nothing but one night stands in Seeds of Destruction and we’re looking to settle down with something a little more long-term at this point. Less words, more pictures now!
The first stop on our campaign of pain was Korafax, Home of the Riders. We stomped some XXL mudholes into the three events there: Mindshear Avatar, Venom Lord Ksathrax & Pallorax the Soul Slayer. There’s not much to be said about the events themselves; challenge low, lots of trash but I will say this – that balrog looking model they use for Pallorax looks fucking toight. That might be the coolest looking shit in all of EverQuest. And don’t be fooled by the weird text, that is really Venom Lord Kthxla~ or whatever. True story.
…the five easiest events we’ve ever seen. I’m not bullshitting you. As far as raiding end-zones go, this shit is made in New York City. So, in chronological order, here are the events and some pictures of them. There’s not much to talk about since we just ran through them like shit through a very incontinent end-game goose.
Event 1, Mindblight
Event 2, Trophy Room
Event 3, Stasis
Event 4, Scrying
Event 5, Sacrifice
Only one more event stands in between us and the Don Dada of Discord Lord Brekt, Rider of Discord himself. We promise a timely front page update after we smash Event(s) 6 & 7 to bring home the biiiig dubya. Super promise!
On behalf of everyone here at Triality, Dazinth would like to wish everyone a Happy Kwanzaa. In the spirit of his people’s blessed holiday, he will be wearing the customary Kwanzaa colors until the new year.