Triality

Yo everyone. If my clock is right, it’s update:30 on this Hangover Sunday. So, down some Alka-Seltzer™ and keep your Bud mud ass off the toilet for 10 seconds: it’s time for a front page update.

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Last time you came by here, we were taking turns riding Commodus, Solar Construct like a mechanical bull through Solteris, the Throne of Ro. We had just finished Event 6, The Final Portal, and we were salivating for the chance at an omnipotent threesome with Two Gods: Mayong Mistmoore and Solusek Ro. We made those dreams a reality and, post-coitus, we did what any gentleman would do: bundled them up, threw them in the trunk and found a nice comfortable ravine for them to go to sleepy-time in.

Get in the fuckin‘ trunk.

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I feel like a broken record sometimes. It’s pretty exhausting to come here after we we beat each event, usually before anyone else, and bitch. Bitch because the events aren’t working, bitch because loot sucks or bitch because these events haven’t been tested or tuned. Like in the case of Two Gods, the shit wasn’t beatable by any ways possible for a while. I could come here, write some hi-lar-ious commentary about how Two Gods was a gayer experience than Liberace teabagging a ball-gagged unicorn that’s shitting rainbow sherbet into an even gayer unicorns mouth, but why bother? It’s not funny anymore. I mean it is if you really picture that unicorn thing but ya, it’s tiresome by now. Show some effort into getting this shit worked out and working proper before you have throngs of people wasting weeks upon weeks, losing to your expansions for no actual reason. Also, give Nodyin a raise and some hookers. He’s the sole reason we aren’t at your gates with pitchforks and torches firebombing your faces.

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I want to congratulate this here group of marauders that we call Triality on another remarkable victory. With this one now in the books, we become the 1^st guild in all of EverQuest to conquer The Buried Sea. What’s that now? Two 1^st place finishes in a row? We’re putting the nasty in dynasty. I hope the other guilds don’t get too upset being below us. At least you get to look up Kela’s miniskirt but be warned: her big, swinging e-penis is twice the size of yours.

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Well that will do it for this edition. Between now and the imminent slaughter of the next expansion, you can check back here for our Solteris raid video which is in the works. Until then, don’t let your meat loaf, kid.

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Originally posted by qxx • Jun 10, 2007 15:56

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Originally posted by qxx • June 08, 2007 21:20

Yo everyone. This front page update may or may not be a few days past due. But that’s OK, friends, because we are here to announce something mega.

We are officially the 1^st guild to beat everyone in defeating Solteris, the Throne of Ro.

As our previous front page update noted, we had beaten the first two events in Solteris. And as you will soon read, we have now beaten the next three amazing encounters, bringing us to a grand total of five. At this point, you’re probably thinking, “There are seven events, dickhead. How can you claim you’re the 1^st to beat an expansion when you haven’t even finished it yet. What happens if you get too cocky and some other awesome, younger, more handsome and well hung guild beats you to the end boss and fucks kills it, you self-righteous, egotistical, sore-losing douche bag[s]?”

Well, as you very well know: that doesn’t matter. We have progressed further and faster than any other guild through this zone and if we get beaten by someone to the end, that just means we lost only two of the seven events to them, still beating them by five. Leaving us as the BEST OVERALL Solteris raiders this side of the Mason-Dixon. And really that’s all that matters. You and your logic will never be able to pry this twisted view of accomplishment from my cold, dying, irrelevant hands. Now, if you would excuse me, it’s almost bedtime and I need to do my stretches or I’ll never be able to auto-fellate while giving myself a round of applause.

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Now that we’re all caught up on the logistics of what makes a winner in this world, let’s take a look at these three amazing events I had mentioned we recently beat.

First off is my personal favorite, Stalwart Defenders. This event requires you to crack this golem a real onesy-twosey across his smug little chin. But don’t get too over anxious there, Sugar Ray Rodney King, or you’re gonna be hauled into the big house by the Solteris Riot Squad. We posted bail and collected out loot.

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Next event, just over the bridge, is The Captured Portal spearheaded by Astire, the Lunar Eclipse. This fight is just a ‘lil gem of heaven. We dispatched our boys in at the 4^th Precinct to put the muscle on this fella.

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Finally, we have the Portal to Dreadspire being guarded by the hermaphroditic spider Irrissa the Seer. An epic battle. So unbelievably epic, I forgot to get a screenshot so here’s a shot of the aftermath.

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And that’s really it for now. More to come, more to come. So check back for the epic conclusion of Solteris, the Throne of Ro.

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Tool of the Month

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Originally posted by qxx • April 03, 2007 18:23

Yo everyone. I know it’s been a while since we had a front page update. I hope you enjoyed our movies that were marinating at the top of the page here for the past few months. But now that The Buried Sea has been released, our updates are back like scoliosis.

But before we slake your gluttonous appetites for new and exciting mobs & loot, we must feast upon the appetizer that is recruitment. Usually, we’d keep the desired classes listed here. But it is a new era and we will now keep them over here. That little corner of heaven is updated regularly by Dalnoth. The same rules apply:

• Read our requirements
• Contact Orruar or Dalnoth before you apply
• Have a narcotics-free urine sample ready for testing

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Alright, so the new hot spot on the Sunset Strip this year is Solteris, the Throne of Ro. What seems to be the problem here is our teenage mall-goth, Mayong Mistmoore, is running out of coffee shops to hang out at and he’s muscled his way into Solusek Ro’s haven of sunlight. Expect to see many bats, vampires, angsty little bitches with their heavy eyeliner and the foul stench of cloves in this expansion. Soundtrack by The Cure & Depeche Mode.

As always, before the raiding there is flagging. I’m going to give you gentiles a little taste of what it’s like to be one of the chosen ones in Triality. When it comes to raiding, Triality is a well oiled machine of vengeance and fury. We leave nothing standing in our wake as we ride the tide of destruction further and further into Norrath. But, when it comes to single group content: We lose. I’ll be generous and say that it took some adjusting. Group content is a totally different element and we just flat out failed at it. By the third day of this shit, it was like the season finale of Survivor: The gloves were off, people were slinging shit and getting voted out of the guild off the island one after the other – it was a madhouse. To relieve some of the pressures of that intimate 6 person grouping that we suck so badly at, we took our frustrations to MS Paint. So here’s a little glimpse of what it’s like to grind it out along side of Triality, told in a way only MS Paint could tell:

Despite our six-man shortcomings, we manged to get ourselves fully flagged so we headed into Solteris, the Throne of Ro for the first time.

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Right out of the gate, this zone had some womp womp bad news for us. Those dreadfully boring, Alanis Morisette-looking bitches Althea, Brenda & Christine are back for the straight-to-video sequel of their shenanigans in Deadspire. Once just a bunch of wailing sisters, this time they’ve been promoted to Mayong’s Mistresses officially. Regardless, they died and we cried that it’s only a four day lockout. Boring.

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After we pimp slapped those bitches back three expansions where they belong, we went after Aprosis the Fourth Confidant. This event is actually called Deadly Swarm which makes sense since it has more adds than the Super Bowl. But whatevs, dude. Whatevs. It’s cool. Ya know? It’s cool.

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So far the expansion is pretty decent. We actually a the chance to help with additional testing for couple of these raids, post-beta. We all seemed to have a good time helping refine these raids and I want to take a quick moment to thank Nodyin for that – making an easily loathsome experience into a really great one. I think I can speak for all of Triality when I say, you are totally hot and we want to tongue kiss you. A lot.

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Originally posted by qxx • Feb 27, 2007 17:04