• Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    As Pure As The Arctic Snow

    Yo everyone. We’re working on a very intense, very amazing, prrrrobably long overdue front page update. You’re probably asking yourself, “What makes it so intense and what’s taking so long to do it?”. And I’m probably asking myself, “Why aren’t I at AssParade.com right now?”. My friend, these questions are better left unasked and they are certainly better left unanswered because that would require me to think, type and not be at AssParade.com right now. So what’s this all about then? It’s about tonight.

    Tonight! Tonight is a special night. A very special night indeed. Tonight, we the denizens of the Maelin Starpyre server (more importantly the sexual dynamos of Triality) will be forcibly inserted into the digital cavity that is know as the Drinal server. This gives the lonely, unwilling and confused citizens of the Drinal server the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to test their skills, agility, their skagility, within the ranks of EverQuest’s Unoriginal Bad Boys: Triality. Basically what I’m prattling on about in order to make this update more than one sentence is, if you are one of the following classes…

    Solid DPSers (Rogues & Berserkers)

    Updated Jul 28, 2010

    If interested, please seek one of our eligible officers (Sepha, Hylea or Gilthanos) in-game and we’ll be sure to woo you into our strong but safe embrace.

    In a serious tone, if I may: We’re looking for dedicated players that want to push to the end of Underfoot with us as quickly, efficiently and as enjoyably as humanly possible. At this point in time, we’ve killed everything that’s killable (though you wouldn’t know since we haven’t had a front page update since ‘Nam) and we need a few clutch players to join us in our campaign of pain.

    Destined for godhood to many’s dismay.
    Just lords and masters of all we survey.
    Originally posted by qxx • Jun 21, 2010 21:32   
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    We Do What We Like And We Like What We Do

    Yo everyone. This is our first update since the big merge from Vazaelle (RIP) to Maelin Starpyre. Like anything, you’ll find different opinions about how it went down. Some good and some…

    We are recruiting:

    Bard: 1-2
    Beastlord: 1
    Cleric: 1
    Enchanter: 1
    Necromancer: 1
    Paladin: 1-2
    Wizard: 2+

    Updated Jul 22, 2005

    If you decide joining Triality is the thing for you, contact Orruar in game before you transfer, before you apply, basically before anything you better send Orruar a tell. Read our requirements in the Application section of our forums, and try not to suck at EverQuest.

    For me to say, “It’s been a while since our last update” would be the understatement of a generation and just plain unnecessary. You may have noticed that I don’t usually update you, our adoring fans, of Triality’s comings-and-goings with anything unless it’s a fresh kill – a new kill. Telling you that we’ve killed x number of Dragons of Norrath bosses or Asylum of Anguish mobs over and over, for the past couple months, would have been boring and just plain silly. And while we did do just that, we were also plotting, scheming and strategizing for The Don Mega of Discord: Overlord Mata Muram.

    Above: Pimp hand is cocked, locked and ready to rock.

    I remember the first time we killed Arch Magus Vangl and the room shook with that dramatic effect, everyone was like, “Ooooo, Ahhhhhh, Impressive!” and we saw the wall lift, unveiling the Overlord himself. I can just picture all of us smiling, “Yay, we finally got to him, we can fight him and we’ll be like so happy with our soon-to-come victory and all of the dope loots and oh, this is just great!”. Wrong. Fucking WRONG.

    It’s kind of sad. It’s like being a little kid at your first major league baseball game, getting there early, finding your favorite player during batting practice, going up to him and with your wide open, innocent little kid eyes, you look up, smile slightly and nervously ask him for an autograph. Then he spits right in your fucking eye and slaps your mom on the pussy. That’s pretty much how it felt since the day we first laid eyes on Mata Muram. He wasn’t going to go down and give up the goods easily – not at all. But we knew he was going the fuck down for goosing our mom’s gooch like that. Needless to say, we had some work ahead of us.

    But it’s alright. We’re a competent bunch of talented players. I mean shit we’ve gotten this far, and at record speed I might add. So you would think that we should be OK when it comes to an event we’re definitely capable of beating, on paper anyway /thumbs up. We figured let’s just do what we do: get a bulletproof strategy together and just execute this fucker. Not so fast.

    Flashback: Remember all those times, throughout your EverQuest experience, when you’re like romping around North Temple of Veeshan or in a difficult situation with your pickup group, and someone makes a bad pull or something and you wipe. Then you’re like, “Man we had enough healers, tanks and a couple of slowers. I wonder why we died.” You try to point fingers but it just gets you nowhere because everyone was supposedly “doing their job”. They were “paying attention” and definitely “not AFK”. These mysterious types of situations have been plaguing guilds and experience groups in EverQuest for a lifetime. Never having solid evidence to accurately point those fingers was aggravating as fuck. Well, not to worry, Mata Muram is pointing them for you in a big fucking way, in the form of mask clicks.

    The way it works is: If you don’t click your Mirrored Mask when prompted, the raid gets punished by having our collective shits painfully pushed in and the script lets you know exactly who fucked up by shouting out their name for all to see, because they couldn’t do the simplest of things (just clicking a god damn item) when they were supposed to.

    Glorious. Incredible. Amazing. Finally, the world knows just who has been quietly sucking at EverQuest this whole time and they can be dealt with accordingly. It’s like the “World’s Magic Tricks: Revealed” of EverQuest. You got to go behind the scenes and get to see who was really “doing their job”, “paying attention” and “not AFK”. An encounter that defies the filthy casual, mostly AFK, players that worm themselves into your guild/raid. Mata Muram was tailor made to challenge our band of adventurers and their [in]ability to stay alert at their god damn keyboards.

    We all worked together, night after night, to make progress, to refine our skills, to unlearn what we have learned. The fight pushed our abilities, our tolerance of each other and our desire to AFK and take a piss or get drinks at the most inopportune of times throughout the night, to their very limits. But one man, one man stood by us, guided us, forced us and loved us enough to try to make our dreams come true. We needed his unwavering patience, his unfaltering will and staunch determination in order to drive us to our goal. That man is Orruar Lemmiwinks. Motivated by glory, pride and flagrant cockwavery, he would forever do his best to to keep our goal within sight and our spirits high:

    The result of his guidance, our fear of his verbal lashings and being forced to kill the god damn Polar Kraken as punishment upon failure…

    …would inevitably lead to the unthinkable – the unpossible!

    Above: Stone cold Mata Muram marauders.

    Of course, here be the loot:

    We’re all stoked as fuck. This fight is pretty badass; it’s even kind of fun, I guess. It’s a mix between luck and not being AFK, which obviously can get very frustrating. There still needs to be some changes made to it, but whatever, I’m not getting my hopes up for that.


    So here is the end of the update where I usually put just the last month’s most prized guild moments in the form of tiny classified adds screenshots, which display our virtue, discipline and maturity as a guild. But, since we haven’t had an update since Moses wore short pants, this is about three months worth of screenshots, because I’m good like that. You’re whale cum.

    Adios for now, cholos.

    Originally posted by qxx • Jun 14, 2005 1:45
  • Quarken Era (2004-2013)

    The Fabled Update

    Yo everyone. I know what you’re thinking, “a website update without a 2 month lapse?!?” that’s right! EverQuest is morphing, Voltron-ing, if you will. It’s going to be an interesting few months from here on out with all the merging and purging. We’re going to have the opportunity to meet The Fabled Maelin Starpyre Server. That’ll be swell. I’m actually pretty excited about the merges, I wanna make some friends and gain party experience with them.

    But forget that shit! Whats Triality been up to lately OH EM GEE!? We’ve been raping and rampaging as usual. And we’re currently recruiting some lucky Shamans to come and rape and rampage with us. We have a few requirements you should definitely read on our forums. Make sure you bust Orruar a tell in game before you apply. And If your application is going to look like an excerpt of a 16 year old girl’s GeoCities website, just don’t, please don’t.

    Now for the real issue…

    (Note: If you are easily offended by massive amounts vile language & vicious visual insults, you really shouldn’t read any further!)

    I’ve been pretty tame lately, all these updates, with little to no angst. It feels unnatural. And while gasoline prices climb to nose bleeding levels, my engine is fueled by 103 octane, unrefined, pure, unadulterated rage. So I decided to pull the Rage Mobile into Brenlo’s Pump and Pay for a quick fill up. I’m about to get 50 miles per gallon on this shit. I’d say “Sit back and enjoy the ride” but that’s predictable and corny. So sit up and travel my journey with distaste and anguish.

    For any cave dwellers out there, this is in reference to some issues with the announcement made by SoE about the server merges. Though what you’re about to read isn’t a representation of Triality, it surely is a representation of more than just my feelings.

    There’s a lot of inconsistency and basic bullshit in your [Brenlo] post today on the EQlive blog you keep. One particular quote really pissed me off.

    "So now I will talk a little about legacy and heritage, which is the other argument that keeps popping up. The legacy and heritage of EQ are not on some hardware that happened to have a name to make it easier to choose when logging in. The servers could just as easily been numbered. They are just hardware."
    -GM Brenlo, March 2005

    They certainly could have just been numbered, but they weren’t. Why? Because people wouldn’t feel any significance belonging (key word: belonging) to server #0012. But they do feel a better sense of community belonging to Solusek Ro, Veeshan or Vazaelle, for example. It’s like having pride in your city. Obviously you can’t keep the names of every server involved in each merge but you don’t need to be a fucking Nazi about the names, it’s insulting to all of us.

    Regardless of people’s position on the name issue, it should have been our decision. We are the fucking community, not you. This effects us, not you. You really think the best option was to pick the peak prime time populations of the servers involved and grace the winner with it’s name? Seriously? You get fucking paid for those decisions? You aren’t afraid to shove a fucking poll in my face asking what fucking video card I use, you aren’t afraid to SPAM ONE OF MY ACCOUNTS EVERY FUCKING TIME I LOG IN TO BUY YOUR SUCK ASS DRAGONS OF NORRATH or your worthless advertising bullshit, magazine subscriptions every single time I logged in, but I can’t get a poll to seek my opinion on what I want my server to be named? It would be have been nice have just been given the option to throw my opinion in on how they are going to be named. I can’t count how many worthless polls I’ve answered in the past. Shove your excuses and logic up your fucking dick hole and piss them out on your pile of prime time population charts. I can’t believe you called our servers “just hardware” hah, ridiculous. You make bad decisions and you make great ones (I’m not just sucking your ass, you’ve done a lot of things I like) but I know, I know for a fact, that you’re aware the server names are more than a way to categorize hardware. Don’t insult us by belittling our feelings and basically tell us we’re delusional about our sense of community.

    Which brings me to another point, read this closely. Stop passing the buck onto us for these merges. In your post you referred to the fact that we ‘petitioned, posted, emailed’ demanding these merges. That is definitely true. But you lay it out there as a way to say, “Hey, don’t act unhappy because you asked for it”. Well guess what? Not everybody did, now you’re hearing the other side of it. More importantly (you’re about to devour your own words) later, in the same god damn post, you said the merges were unavoidable and inevitable. So don’t act like you gave a shit or listened to our input because like you said, the shit was unavoidable. No matter how much we demanded it or not, it was going to happen anyway, because of your decision. Sometimes your decisions reflect our desires and sometimes they don’t. Nice try. Now we’re giving you our “valued input” heavily on your own forums and you keep shoving those copy/paste excuse up our asses. Don’t try to act like our input has anything to do with it, because when we actually have a chance to share our input (the name issue specifically) and you just close out our opinions and state your reasons. Sickens me. Prove me wrong.

    There’s much, much better ways to name these servers, the best way is to make new names for each merge. How difficult is that? Want my a link to my PayPal? I’ll make you a list of 50 names you can choose from, all legit, in about 40 fucking seconds for 1/2000th of your yearly salary. When you have 1 server retain it’s name, the server(s) that lose their name not only feel a loss of identity and community, but they feel like invaders or outcasts on this new server. The people who didn’t lose a name have no change, except there’s all these new people cramping their shit. If you deny the fact that people feel server pride (because it’s just categorized hardware, right?) then why the fuck did you come up with the idea to add a suffix title representing their old server? That’s about as consistent as my shit after Taco Tuesday. Stop being lazy. Make a poll, make new names, do something to show us you give a shit. I heard you were considering a format like Maelin (Vazaelle)…that’s retarded, if that’s true stop it now. People need to be on the same playing field, they need to ‘start’ on even ground. They need to be a community, not a segregated population. No server should be keeping it’s original name, that much is clear, well, to all of us anyway.

    For Vazaelle specifically, we’re pissed about losing our name to a fucking green server. A preferred, green server. You say they have higher prime time population and that’s why they are keeping the name. The difference, during prime time, I’m sure, is marginal at best. Did you consider that Vazaelle has a gigantic Euro/Asian/Aussie contingent that aren’t playing during your “prime time” hours? You need to make some changes there. It’s beyond ridiculous. Even people on Maelin are saying how ridiculous this is. This horrible decision hasn’t done anything except create animosity towards a server most of us don’t know shit about. Vazaelle is in a different situation than any of the other servers merging because we feel raped of our identity (like everyone else) but at least they get to lose their name to a dignified, tenured server. Not some green newbie playground of trial memberships and part-time World of Nocraft dropouts. Pack that with the rumors I’ve been hearing about the quality of their players, and you have a pissed off Vazaelle server.

    "The legacy and heritage of EQ are not on some hardware that happened to have a name to make it easier to choose when logging in."
    -GM Brenlo, March 2005

    Hardware. You’re impossible. Hey Alan, I’m changing your name to Rufus. You shouldn’t care because your legacy, your heritage, your memories, your pride… it’s all within your heart and soul and your name is just a way to categorize you from the other non-Rufuses in society. Do something Rufus, we’re pissed.

    Originally posted by qxx • Mar 30, 2005 21:44