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Degenerates But Even Ellen Loves Our Shit
- If you out of the loop -> Click Here <- 4 sauce
Yo everyone, we back once a mf-in gain! I bet yall thought you weren’t gonna hear from me until 2023, Whoever took the under is a winner today and the only loser is humanity. Before we get too far into the latest insight into the wild world of degeneracy lets get the recruiting plug out the way.
Recruitment:
Currently on Aradune we are looking for
Bard
Berserker
Monk
Necro
Reminder: We always on the lookout for team players who wanna be apart of the squad; if you want to be here hit us up we can flex the roster around usually.
As you can tell from the highly professional “Glizzy” devouring highlight from above, The latest expansion on Aradune “Prophecy of Ro” is about as big of it hit now as it was when it originally released; Incase you didn’t experience that here’s a spoiler alert: It wasn’t. If it’s even possible the expansion seems worse than it did originally because nobody plays low to mid tier content on these servers. Which is saying a lot since the majority of us spent the original PoR raid-logging to play on The Combine server, great to see not much has really changed and we are indeed creatures of habit; there’s a psychological experiment in there somewhere im sure.
Let’s start with the zones: With the exception of Deathknell, (which is a masterpiece) They suck.
- Freeport Revamp sucks
- Arcstone is a gigantic waste of space full of shit nobody will ever use now and it sucks
- The Devastation 15 years after the fact is still the single most bug ridden, aids concentrate packed into a single cartesian coordinate plane and it sucks
- Sverag is cool until you get irish carbombed by somebody’s 162 (no cappuccino) single stack goblin train in front of Razorthorn because 9000 people are doing Vessel, don’t kill the mobs that spawn from it and then Huge shocker somebody agro’s them and starts re-enact the last scene from “Training Day” on your ass and GUESS WHAT? IT SUCKS
- Razorthorn you ask? Where the Sullon Zek script remains to this day; in fact broken and the trash mobs cast Raking of The Werewolf, with enough frequency that Radiant Cure is not back up to remove it and just cause I know one of you silly nillys are gonna be like AMGG MEGALIXIR JUST CURE IT DUHHHHHH ; yeah let me get right fucking on that with remove fucking greater fucking curse and its 6 second base cast time, Single Target Properties, and EverQuests tick system which means that no matter what unless you RC or purify that mana/end drain is raping and pillaging and you know what forget about it; IT SUCKS
- Theater of Blood could possibly be the worst zone design in the history of ever with everything in that zone seemingly doing something even more fucking infuriating than the next nothing says great gaming experience more than getting rooted just out of melee range and having a horde of carnivorous plants spam the ae root so you can’t cure it, can’t move, and then the motherfuckers can hit you with melee attacks because the MONSTERS HAVE LARGER ATTACK BOXES THAN WE DO. Don’t pretend to be a physicist (I’m fairly certain if I was i wouldnt be jerking it about Everquest) but if something can reach me to hit me shouldn’t I in a dungeon and dragons duel alternate universe have an opportunity to strike back at it? Dungeon Masters abroad let me know im eagerly awaiting your feedback and expertise, but anyway we’re not even going to talk about the fact that the vast majority of the zone is intended for players who could never kill shit there; we’ll leave it at: IT SUCKS.
Now that you’ve sunk your teeth into that, lets talk about the itemization: Spoiler Alert, with the exception of a few chase items; It sucks. Why does it suck? Because upgrading gear from 320 to 350-375 wouldn’t be so bad if nearly every upgrade didn’t start the “Circle of Fuck“. Coined by me right this very second; here’s an example of the circle of fuck in action: I have beneficial spell-haste on my earring but that DK ear looking proper, so I grab the ear and look for a bene spell haste item, The bene spell haste item that works for me dislodges my fero item, So I pick up another fero item but the fero item I picked up makes me lose parry/block, So I go to get myself a new parry/block item only to find that it is on the same slot as my heal focus, its never ending. Why fucking bother, I’ll wait 8 weeks and get better gear in TSS. Fuck it. Aside from a few chase items forget about it.
That’s enough NACL for one day, lets talk about the part of this expansion I love. Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance. This zone’s theme and raids hit. I still get the sweet whiff of nostalgia doing the Gargoyle Enforcer event like it was yesterday. It also is arguably the best looking zone in EverQuest.
From a TLP server perspective, the reoccuring theme of “This content has become way too easy from all of the live update power creeps that inadvertently effect TLP content” persists but that’s a salt mine for another day. I could write a 5,000 word essay on that and you def don’t wanna get me started.
What else have we got thats good to say about PoR? Aura’s are cool, there are a few class defining abilities from this expansion: Bloodlust Aura and Decrepit Skin the most obvious that come to mind. Bards got an aura version of their overhaste/over-cap spell/dot dmg to free up a song slot finally, all these are great ideas and Circle of Power/Guardian/Mana are all power upgrades worth chasing. Idol of Malos is a game changer, Druids got a group heal, Shamans got a group HoT, Warriors got a snap, Clerics get their first group elixir since luclin.
In the end, we got
- mostly positives in the class progression column
- Deathknell is incredible
- Some cool new effects/items I.E. Circle of Power
- The rest of this expansion hitting the recycle bin on 7/20
AY YOOO! There’s 8 Glizzys in a pack
and following the general theme of the update we giving PoR a moderate 4/8 glizzys ya heard… Serpent’s Spine on deck, here’s the we survived DoDH-PoR guild-shot.
Until next time deuces muh gooses
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Every Superhero Needs His Theme Music
Yo everyone, I don’t even know where to start and that’s part of the problem. We let this bitch go so long we got 2 years worth of CTRL + Fing to Norrathian plowtown to talk about, this update has it all. Comradery, Fuckery, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Chili Davis, the return of the hall of shame ft. DJ BurnYourHouseDownWithHotdogs and the most infamous Triality Dickriders of the past 20 years.
Before we get cooking: Recruitment
Classes we have a particular need for at this time on THE DUNE;
We are currently in Prophecy of RoLooking For:
Berserker
Monk
Rogue
Shadowknight
Warrior
WizardTEAM-PLAYERS
If you looking to squad up make sure to check out the Aradune Guild Info, Recruitment Aradune; pages. If you are a former Triality Member and are wanting to play join disc and DM Megalixir(Dalnoth) or Mendright (Mendix).
2 years is a long ass time and I can assure you i’m well aware the average reader here has the attention span of a 7th grader off his adderall for spring break, so here we go.
Date: May 20th, 2020; everyone thought the plague was gonna wipe us off the face the of the earth. It’s funny how our minds work sometimes; I hear humanity threatening plague and thought to myself welp sounds like prime Norrathian adventuring hours to me.
Without making this War & Peace dissertation longer than it needs to be, I wanna give a big shout out to the homies who really encouraged me to get this poppin again.
Thank you to: Rogean, Yarg, Quarken, Affy, Uncle Nuk (Nukuki), Mendix, Awakened (Gonz), and Budos.
We started out with a small squad of killers ready to lay waste to Norrath once again in a different fashion, May 27th, Aradune opened. I will do an entirely separate update on just how much of a clusterfuck the Aradune opening was but lets say Daybreak Games grossly underestimated the covid effect on their server population; to say Aradune was full doesn’t even get in wrigley field of the shit show that ensued. They did the MMO Server equivalent of booking one flight coach for Yokozuna to come wrestle on Aradune and tried to fit more than one of his ass cheeks in a single coach seat. There were so many people on aradune the chinese government was looking to open a forced labor apple components shop in west freeport, To quote a great Norrathian Philosopher and noted internet Scholar “Sir Quarken Xired (Pronounced: Zee-Red), Aradune was PACKED like a greek ass on an HBO series up in here.
Just how packed was it? I thought you’d never ask. It was so packed; The entirety of daybreak games crashed for almost a full day on launch, every game and every single server was down because of the stress from the server. When we finally were able to try to login we were met with Queue times that were so long we started wondering if we were waiting in the checkout line for a 3080 founders edition rather than trying to log into a 22 year old MMORGP. It was so packed there were 46 starving adventurers for every single rat in west freeport, It was so packed that the instancing server couldn’t possibly open anymore Upper Guk zones because all 15 were full, It was so full There were 3 East Commons zones with 400 people (full) in them trying to sell shit.
Depending on the time of day you tried to log in here’s what you had to look forward to:
6am-10am Queue Time – Approx 3-4 hours
12pm-4pm Queue Time – Approx 6-8 Hours
4pm-11pm Queue Time – Chili DavisSpoiler Alert: When it says you have a 230m Queue you multiply it by 3.
Keep in mind if you disconnected at anytime during your Aradune Experience or accidentally closed EQ, or virtually anything that disconnects you which frequently happens including, you crashed zoning (Which was extremely common: See below), your house caught on fire from some TLP enthusiast, anything at all You START OVER. We couldn’t even start raiding until 6/11 because we couldn’t get more than half our guild online simultaneously, let alone leveling and all the other shit.
Then once you finally were able to log into the game, servers were borderline unplayable for 3 months; We’re talking the worst lag you have ever seen or heard of. 6 minute delays on everything because their solution to this massive upstream and interest in EverQuest was to refuse to spend a little money to fix the problems so they could make more money and instead opted for the Tride and True: annoy the absolute fuck out of enough people until they regretted their life choice to play EverQuest enough that they uninstalled. Eventually by the 3rd month enough took the hint and Queue times were down to around 2-3 hours during prime time and you only had to wait 2-3 minutes to zone or perform actions.
Nowadays besides the TLP Troglodyte psychopaths which mostly moved servers at this point; Aradune is a great place, 11/10 would recommend to a friend.
Eventually we commenced doing what we do best: Inserting Boot Soles into Mudholes. Here is the 2 year abridged storyboard of our raiding efforts.
(There will be expansion specific updates in the near future for all of you hulkamaniacs out there that wanna live vicariously through my pillage and plundering complete with 202X reviews of content)
Classic: 5/28/2020
6/18/2020 Triality Raids Resumed under the alias “Von Mega”, with much server frustration
6/24 Cazic Thule was clamped
6/25 Naggy and Vox were killed
7/05 Innoruuk defeated
7/21 Eye and Hand of Veeshan down, Classic Cleared.
Ruins of Kunark: 8/19/20
8/25/2020 Trakanon bingbong’d
9/13/2020 Veeshan’s Peak plundered; Kunark Cleared
Let me say for the record while we are here; words can not describe the catastrophic clusterfuckery, ass-fist sandwich that keying for Veeshan’s Peak on a server with 37 active raid guilds on it including two guilds who have 800+ active members with 10 raid rosters and virtually no instances for any key parts created but lucky for you; you wont have to use your imagination to envision it. We have the Top 10 Fuckery moments of Aradune Countdown to look forward to in this very update for your vicarious living and to highlight why we put the nasty in dynasty. Also a Kunark specific expansion update piece in the future.
(I promise Phara Dar is dead there)
Scars of Velious: 11/11/2020
“Von Mega” removes scooby doo mask, assuming legacy name TrialityVulak`Aerr + ToV Friends – 11/12/2020
Avatar of War + Kael Drakkel Friends – 11/13/2020
Tunare – 11/14/2020
Sleeper’s Tomb – 1/03/2021
Shadows of Luclin: 2/03/2021
A fuckery filled, action packed adventure that will be featured prominently in the fuckery countdown and in its own article at a later date.Emperor Ssraeshza & Associates: 2/7/2021
Vex Thal: 2/12/2021
Planes of Power: 4/28/2021
Quarm Disassembled: 5/04/2021
Lost Dungeons of Norrath: 7/21/2021
Full Cleared: 7/22/2021
Gates of Discord: 9/15/2021
To the shock of nobody at this point; DBG was experiencing problems on expansion launch day and 9/15 was a wash.
Ikkinz 4: 9/16
Uqua: 9/16
Inktuta: 9/16
Txevu: 9/16
Tacvi: 9/17
Omens of War: 11/10/2021
Muramite Proving Grounds – 6 Trials: 11/12/2021
Mata Murams World Conquered: 11/12/2021
Dragons of No-Wrath: 2/02/2022
Vishimtar: 2/02/2022
Depths of Darkhollow: 3/30/2022
Sendaii, The Hivequeen: 3/31/2022
Emperor Draygun: 3/31/2022
Redfang: 4/01/2022
The Performer: 4/01/2022
Mayong Mistmoore: 4/01/2022
AND WE ARE CURRENT! Salute to all the killers on the first 2 years of this re-up tour. I have to say in addition to returning members of the guild, I wanna give a special onesie twosie shout out to the new Aradune additions who invested and contributed to building our team focused atmosphere of chaos and plunder:
Akodo, Ansol, Arcanion, Barky, Blasphemy, Brug, Chow, Cloude, Crims, Decept, Delitaa, Eladora, Enke, Frontbutt, Geebsy, Hakkatan, Jezebel, Kaalia, Kellanved, Krit/Mordean, Ksharp, Llonestar, Maraposa, Mordeith, Nastra, Paintrain, Playboy Raeleianne, Redhead, Regent, Renton, Sassysiren, Saulas, Seed, Space, Stella, Sunshines, Timecutter, Toxic, Vacheron, Vilaelyan, Vildayen, AND XAMO!
There is so much more to say about each particular expansion; I will be doing full write-ups for most expansions so if you’re interested about hearing tales in their entirety be sure check back; Additions to the website will be posted in the #Updates section of discord as well if you want notifications; there’s a link to join at the top of the page.So lets talk about the current Expansion: Depths of Darkhollow.
The sprawling vertical chasms and elaborate zones, additions of virtually hundreds of missions, class defining abilities, a return to “wordly enemies” i.e. Orcs, Vampires, Werewolves, Undead, incredible zone design, and lore rate this expansion very highly to me on a second playthrough even on a TLP server. There’s so much shit to do the TLP FOMO of only being in DODH for 8 weeks will have you grinding away hours of your life like you’re a lineage gold farmer trying to meet a quota for social credit score in no time.
When you first zone into Corathus Creep the aesthetics are there; You immediately feel as though you traveled into a different underground fantasy world; Mushroom Men and vibrant colors coupled by gnome clockwork camps really set the scene
Starting to zone over you begin your descent further down and everything again contributes to the whole theme of the expansion well. Zoning into undershore and looking up at the waterfall bridge is still an incredible visual and Dreadspire Keep still holds up as one of the greatest zones in EQ history.
As far as actual playable content goes, its all great and all holds up extremely well. Key-Quests are reasonable, have a good balance between time spent and reward, Spell Missions are all great (minus that god forsaken monster mission) and reward people accordingly, The depth of gameplay is great, Raids are the best they have been yet to this point in the game although the TLP Difficulty needs to be increased, (A theme you will for sure read more ranting about in the future). Mission objectives are clear and give you proper information to complete without dumpster diving through zam comments so you can read how somebody solo’d with this with a merc at level 87, 1092aa’s, followed by his Norrathian Biography and an ezclap noobs. This is without a doubt the best content we’ve had on Aradune so far.
You should take note of the fact that im about to say because it’s probably one of the only times I will say it: There’s not much to not-like about this expansion, Depths of Darkhollow delivers and 8 weeks is way too short of a period for such a near perfect expansion.
Overall
Environment: 9/10
Quests & Tasks: 10
Raids: 9/10
Zones: 9/10
Group Content: 10
Art: 9.5/10
2022 Dalnoth Rating (DRUMROLL)…..9.5/10
As Promised: The Aradune Fuckery Greatest Hits Classic to Omens of War edition
You may be asking yourself, Damn Dal what exactly is fuckery? It’s like you have your own dictionary. For anyone not in the know; Fuckery is when you are engaged in a situation where you are competing with another guild or group of people for something and the internet courses through your veins and takes care of the rest. Some of them are all in good fun, some of them are clowntown, and some of them are definitely off the deep end grudge matches; hilarity ensues and I live for this shit. With Aradune being as populated as a street market in Mumbai we got some bangers; so without further ado here is Triality’s top 10 fuckery movements on Aradune
10. Perc-Dan and the Lodizal
While not all fuckery is a roast; This wild TLP Denizen named “Monkdan / “Xxxxdan” or as we just call him Perc-Dan; who’s Lodizal thirst was rivaled only by his trepidation of not getting enough platinum pieces in one twenty-four hour cycle to cop a perc 30 for his wake up shot the next day; while simultaneously having one of the absolute wildest mental booms I have ever seen; at one point he was in the Official EverQuest discord asking @ing us to inform us he has a half a million dollar home, works from home for 500k/year, his job is whatever he wants to make it, AND pays enough taxes for all of us (Thx bro). I felt so special I was able to meet this real Multi-Millionaire who not only pays my taxes for me but also has enough time in his busy real multi-millionaire, private jet, lifestyle to be a Lodizal Platinum Thirst Lord 21 hours a day. Seriously, if there was a Lodizal spawn in the 90 days Velious was up, Perc-Dan had an Apple Air-Tag on the bitch.
What’s funny is none of us really care about Lodizal; who the hell actually does? What we did care about was messing with Perc-Dan at virtually every spawn for the next 30 days because what the hell else you gonna do when you are velious geared waiting for Luclin.
This one’s for you Perc-Dan, We salute you.
Included bonus: him Training 50 Snow Dirvishes on level 60 Raid Geared toons thinking its actually going to do something because he lost a spawn; Why this independently wealthy Multi-Millionaire didn’t just offer us low class working slobs 50$ and a pack of costco hotdogs for the Turtle Booty we’ll never know.
9. The Roof is Legal Junior
Oh boy, If you ever tried to do a shadowknight epic on Aradune in era this tale of fuckery is for you. In the City of Mist; Lhranc is approx a 3 day spawn that does not spawn in instances or picks, on Aradune you had better odds at successfully navigating an Astroid Field than you did of Finding Lhranc up and you know what that means; Get your tube-socks out boys we got a sit in. Personally i’m hesitant against calling a Poop-Sock for epic unless two conditions are met:
Condition 1; We are sure on the timer, nobody wants to be the idiot that is playing chicken with a spawn timer because somebody says Lhranc is due in the next 5 hours for sure when really hes due in the next 50 hours.
Condition 2; We like our chances; Ain’t nobody got 20+ hours to sit here anymore and walk away with their dick in their handSo we go to camp Lhranc and to nobody’s surprise there’s 27 other Shadowknights sitting in his room waiting to turn in. Thankfully some genius in Everquest decided 2 things;
1, Quest NPC’s who are engaged in combat can not be traded with
2, The pathing in this game is fucking A W F U LBeing the degenerate that I am, I quickly came up with a solution.
Grats to the boys Xamo and Rarshaak.
“Grandfatha” reported us for “exploiting”; The clueless Mall-Cop Junior-GM came 3 days later and kicked us all off the roof for a solid 10 minutes before we all returned the second he left the zone, Don’t worry you’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last. We ain’t mad at cha.
8.) Allow me to introduce myself
When your Verix Kylong camp gets invaded on day 6 of kunark and there’s a juicy Veeshan’s Peak medallion on the line; Who ya gonna call? Mini from mediumcore was here to inform us. Approx 3 minutes after having his camp taken he made sure to let us know.
That’s it, Mini was rounding up the boys; It’s gonna be a rumble right? Surely somebody wouldn’t tell us there was gonna be an epic battle-royale and then have nothing happen right? Well unfortunately for Mini, Guild leader of Mediumcore; his guild didn’t seem too interested and he didn’t stop there. He sent us another tell that I can’t find a screenshot of, but he made sure to tell us quote “We understand you guys want DPS races, Therefore, I will declare intent to partake”. The end of this story is pretty much summed up in this exquisite; finely curated art by me coming to an NFT near you.
7) Avatar of War
While this event didn’t involve this guild; It’s one of those things in EverQuest you’ll prolly only ever see once and it might be one of the greatest things i’ve ever seen in a video game. “That’s EQ Baby” was in the process of bagging another Avatar of War cycle with approx 250 people, pretty routine when “Rampage World Tour” having lost virtually every open world boss spawn on the server for the past 180 days to that point just reached Chilli Davis status and gave absolutely zero fucks.As you are probably aware, upon killing The Idol of Rallos Zek; The Avatar of War spawns inside the actual PVP-arena in Kael Drakkel which is a combat zone. 99.9% of the time he is pulled to a kill camp where subsequently some starry eyed intrepid aspiring adventurers get disappointed with 2 bows and a pair of monk pants; In this case Rampage proceeded to march down the ramp into the actual pvp-arena in Kael Drakkel like they were fucking Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming down the ramp screaming “HAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” for the Royal Rumble.
Hayyyyzus christo! EQB responded and boy Royal Rumble don’t even begin to describe what a Free For All involving nearly 500 people in EverQuest looks like while the Avatar of War is stomping assholes, this shit looked like the beach scene from saving Private Ryan. At the end of it all after about 1,000 deaths, EQB got the dub; Overcoming the Jaedong zerg rush in EverQuest that EQB pack was basically impossible but we give a true G salute to Rampage World Tour for marching down that ramp, Pointing their Two by Four at EQB and tellin them to pull up. Y’all got something a Ken Doll don’t have.
6.) Mayze in Ssra Ft. Swampfunk’s Pogo Stick
I heard for a long time that hacks generally don’t work on TLP servers and in the words of a once not so great P99 Troglodyte, I must say “Not only are you wrong, but you should SHUT UP!”
We’re in Ssra on day 2 trying to finish up our keys for a juicy emp kill and who would be there besides Aradune’s resident Moon-Shoe artist formerly known as Mayze. We had this technique where we parked the guild in the central area of the main room and trained all the snakes in the zone down there to clear for max PH’s; Well it seems Mayze found Swampfunk’s retired Pogostick in the High Priest janitor’s closet, since ya know; hacks don’t work in EQ.
Fortunately we wised up to this pretty fast but goddamn was this mfer Mario Whistling everywhere. You’d see him running into a wall and say to yourself “Is this mfer lagging?” and then he’d pop in Castle 8 on Koopa’s head.
5.) Slimans
Oh boy, god bless Slimans; This stone cold killer was the definition of fuckery and it started with Lord Bergurgle. I don’t need to write a dissertation on Lord Bergurgle; he’s the cleric epic Goblin in Lake Rathetear a rare spawn with approx 2,700 hitpoints. Slimans figured out a Wand of Conflagration can load approx 1900 DMG in 1 second securing the kill much to the very unimpressed audience of Aradune.
Slimans may have taken things a bit far, after his 6th or 7th Bergurgle Kill-Steal in 3 days he decided that he was going to bind down there so he could randomly check in through-out the day while he was covid-questing. It got to the point where Slimans was offering to eat deathtouches on raids so he could spend 5 minutes at Bergurgle’s spawn point.
It wasn’t long until we had ourselves a good old fashion Karendune uprising on our hands, the tells were coming in hot and heavy. So many people wanted to speak the goblin manager immediately, there were no less than 2 full general chats demanding Soulja Slims head. There were even Bergurgle coalitions to try to protect the spawns from Slimans. Unfortunately in this case; I was the goblin manager and it got to the point where my tells were scrolling like Roxicett’s twitch chat when she decided to do porn while playing Runescape.
In the end, as funny as it was for a couple weeks we had to give Slimans a Lake Rathe vacation but here are some moments from the 2 weeks Slimsamania ran wild on Lord Bergurgle.
4.) The Public Enemy
I’m of the opinion that when you have 31 guilds trying to key for Vex Thal and there’s only 6 shard camps amongst 3 picks of Maiden’s Eye; That it’s the games way of telling you that it’s Hunger Game rules in effect;
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but not all of us are going to get to raid Vex Thal in the first week, and if you aren’t down to rumble, Spoiler Alerts: It ain’t gonna be you. But still, getting 40 Maiden’s Eye Shards with only 60 people and 31 guilds trying to farm it was no small task. The larger guilds on these servers employ their Nike Sweatshop of members to farm for the chosen 40 which is kinda wack to me but you do you boo.
However I did notice a very uncanny trend among most TLP guilds; The power-classes/grinders would get their key parts done in the first bit of the expansion and then watch and laugh as everyone non wizard or monk fought over keyparts. It was uncanny and me being the team playing opportunist that I am quickly realized there was nearly no counterplay to a manaburn on a Maiden’s Eye shard mob if you’re Quick-Draw McGraw.
Enter Dalnoth’s Manaburn
Maiden’s Eye was an absolute war-zone for the first couple weeks of Luclin Launch, imagine a game of musical chairs where there’s only 6 seats and hundreds of people; let the fuckery begin. Manaburn shards started raining, at the end of it all I got 32 Maiden’s Eye shards and it’s entirely possible I got a bit carried away.
At around the 20th shard there was a massive revolt in Maiden’s Eye and people had alerts for “Dalnoth” zoning in and proceeded to start training the zone-in so I actually couldn’t get into the zone; And if i did manage to get into the zone I’d be repeatedly trained until I left and you know what? We Salute that. We don’t rat cheese on some fuck shit. I’m a firm believe if you partake in fuckery then don’t go crying to the GM’s, but anyway.
3.) Vessel Drozlin
This enchanter epic mob was just another in a long list of wild and crazy shit you had to have your guild go through to obtain an enchanter epic and you know what? God Bless it. Some of the most memorable showdowns were centered around these insanely contested 3 day spawns that DID NOT, spawn in /pick. Given that there would only be approx 60 spawns during Kunark-Era and there were conservatively 6,000 enchanters on Aradune at the time; Vessel Drozlin was good for any number of absolute fuck show fiesta’s and even though we secured Drozlin kills for all four of our enchanters; one stood out above all. Before we get into it; lets just take a minute to set the stage compliments of Reddit User: onlypositivity
As you’ve probably read earlier in this epic tale, we don’t engage in poop-socking operations with an open ended clock, If we’re there we have the timer. This time we showed up 30 minutes before Vessel Drozlin’s spawn window opened and there were people who had already been there, some for 20 hours. Now I genuinely feel bad for these people who poured their time into this but when there’s one monster and no exaggeration 6,000 enchanters on the server like it or not it becomes a competition.
We arrived to Vessel Drozlin at 30 hours and 30 minutes since last spawn with 4 groups of force, only to find out that there are people sitting on this spawn that had been there since yesterday; oh boy. The enchanter that had been there since yesterday was a member of the Casual open invite guild known as “Tipsy”. These people were not raiders at all, and had a tendency to get pushed around at contested spawns a lot. Well at hour god knows how many into this camp and having us show up with a squad of hitters s/he had one of those mental boom moments where they were “THATS IT, I GIVE ZERO FUCKS ABOUT ANYTHING BUT SKULL FUCKING THESE PEOPLE”. That’s the spirit! After telling us off and telling her guild what was happening following a 10 minute lapse in action Tipsy members starting flooding cabilis like Tie-fighters after Admiral Ackbar just yelled “ITS A TRAAAAAAAAP!”
If you ever wanted to know how many people fill a city zone before it wont let more people zone in, the answer is 160; ask me how I know. Especially when only 60 of them were us. These people just absolutely snapped, they were piling every man woman and child into CabEast, As they continued FLOODING into the zone and we watched the numbers of Tipsy members rise as they rallied their casual battle cry in shout “TIPSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
panic set in.I was having last minute negotiations with myself at this point wondering how many brown paper bags I would have to put over my head to add “Lost DPS race to Tipsy on Aradune” to my resume;
Right on schedule Drozlin spawned, Outnumbered around 100 to 60 we clutched up the W. I’d like to take this moment to thank my guild for not having to add “Lost DPS Race to “TIPSY” on Aradune” to my Everquest resume. I subsequently refunded the 50 pack bundle of Brown Paper Bags I had pre-ordered on Amazon.
2.) The Qeynos Militia-Mooks
For the second spot on this list; We’re going to another Veeshan’s Peak key camp (load your shocked faced). Truth be told, We could have easily made a separate top 10 list with just Veeshan’s Peak key farming fuckery moments; Sadly nobody will ever get to experience this again because of a retro-active change for the mischief server effectively killing all competition involving these keys.
For now we take you to the Rotting Skeleton camp in Dreadlands at 4pm on Monday where our iron-willed brother Ksharp has been camped since 11pm on Sunday without seeing a named spawn.
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘i need to level an sk’
You say to your guild, ‘whats going on’
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘just these QMM clowns at rotting skele’
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘where ive been parked for the last 15 hours straight’
You say to your guild, ‘ill pull up’You may be asking yourself; who were “The Qeynos Militia-Mooks”? Well you could have probably guessed they didn’t name themselves the mooks; That name was appropriately given to them by Uncle Nuk after this incident. Known as the “Qeynos Militia-Men”; this group of undesirables apparently hailed from Red-99. I had to do more than a fair bit of research to find this out because while this may come as a shock – Nobody and I mean NOBODY outside of the 17 and a half people that play on Red-99 knew or cared who these guys were and to be fair; I probably would have never been able to make the connection if they didn’t start quoting cookie cutter Elf-Court insults and accusing us of being from a blue p99 server.
Unlike Mini from Mediumcore; The boys have arrived, and Almost immediately the shit talking started.
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘geez some srs firepower’
Rowdyy begins casting Shroud of Undeath.
Rowdyy begins casting Grim Aura.
Mordean tells the guild, ‘another SK showed up’
Rowdyy says, ‘You guys gotta line?’
Rowdyy says, ‘Gratz on guild Kitley’
Rowdyy says, ‘epic and bounce is tight’
You say, ‘well considering I did half her epic’
You say, ‘anyway we need 2 more medallions then we out’
Gengae says, ‘dayum thats real slow’
Gengae says, ‘half ur group afk?’
You say, ‘pull up and find out’
Gengae says, ‘Easy steal if we wanted.’
You say, ‘yeah try’
You say, ‘im bored anyway’
Gengae is the rank of Senior Officer in Qeynos Militiamen.
Gengae says, ‘Evidently.’
Rowdyy says, ‘weird flex but ok’
Gengae says, ‘You done white knighting yet?’
You say, ‘are you pulling up or nah’
Rowdyy says, ‘Lmao what edgelord says pull up and find out?’
Rowdyy says, ‘yyikers’
You say, ‘so thats a no’
Gengae says, ‘Where you guys been? Thought you all died in Classic.’
Gengae says, ‘Von Mega Blue P99 Players unite’
Gengae says, ‘TIGHT DUDE’
You say, ‘wtf you talking about’
Gengae says, ‘Spree do it to them.’
Gengae says, ‘TAKE IT BRUH’Ksharp tells the guild, ‘i dont believe in broken spawns but.. its been over 12 hours since the last RS’
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘should i just kill myself?’Just when Ksharp was thinking about testing the safety net on the Golden Gate bridge we got a spawn and let me tell you, The Tears of Solusek-Pillar combo I landed before the mob even registered in the client could have been the most satisfying 1,848 points of damage I dealt on Aradune.
Slimans hit rotting skeleton for 1323 points of fire damage by Tears of Solusek. (Critical)
Magek hit rotting skeleton for 630 points of fire damage by Sirocco.
Rowdyy hit rotting skeleton for 1201 points of unresistable damage by Harm Touch X.
Gengae begins casting Harm Touch X.
You gained raid experience!
Gengae hit rotting skeleton for 1201 points of unresistable damage by Harm Touch X.–Ksharp has looted a Piece of a Medallion from rotting skeleton’s corpse.–
You say, ‘ez money’
You say, ‘gggggggggg’
Ksharp tells the guild, ‘just needed half the guild to show up’The Militia-Mooks quickly vacated the zone but after trying to Jack K like that, talking mad shit and then losing there’s no way they weren’t gonna hear about it some more.
You say out of character, ‘yo where’d you qeynos pussies go’
You say out of character, ‘lotta talkin then moving’
Raby says out of character, ‘lmao’
You say out of character, ‘bitch asses’
You told gengae, you realize we’re Triality raiding under an alias right’
Gengae tells you, ‘Damn name dropping old random blue guilds. Part of forced GM rotations. Yikes. WEIRD FLEX BRUH’Apparently there’s no world outside red-99, Weird flex bruh.
Bonus Fuckery Feature: Went to Trakanons’ Teeth the very next day and who would be sitting in a pick with 10 people camping Pained Soul besides the very same group of people who tried to jack the Rotting Skeleton from Ksharp? You guessed it, the mooks were in the building.
I had to call Uncle Nuk in so we could make those Guns Go Bang one time for the one time, in true karmic fashion Pained Soul popped not long after and it appeared their harmtouches were down making this a complete 187 in progress; how unfortunate for the mooks.
You hit pained soul for 952 points of fire damage by Pillar of Flame.
You hit pained soul for 896 points of cold damage by Tears of Prexus.
You hit pained soul for 927 points of fire damage by Conflagration. (Critical)
Astrology hit pained soul for 2661 points of fire damage by Sunstrike. (Critical)After Uncle Nuk promptly put his cuban out on Gengae’s forehead with that Sunstrike crit the golden silence of hearing 10 origins spark up said it all.
1.) That’s Verina Tomb Baby
The whopper topper to our Aradune Fuckery tales involves.. You guessed it; The Enchanter spawn: Verina Tomb. We clocked Verina between 48 and 58 hours after last kill and we needed to do this 4 times and everytime but once was an absolute Battle Royale. This one just happens to involve `That’s EQ Baby` and Mordean + Slimans’ mouth.
At hour 50 since last kill we moved approx 4 groups of force to Neriak C; also known as the Tilted Towers of Norrath; there were approx 4 EQB already sitting on the spawn and a dozen or so other guilds with minor force there already. Now this isn’t our first Verina Tomb tussle, we had already won two spawns; What we learned is that if you show up, Don’t Troll, and just handle your business most people will just try to DPS race lose and keep it moving. In situations like this you def don’t wanna give people motivation to try harder; These Poop Socks were borderline soul sucking. In this case in particular because of so many people being in the zone Verina Tomb didnt spawn until Hour 61 making this an 11 hour sock.
How did we get to that point you might ask?
When engaging in a high stakes sock ™, I make rules that people need to abide by for strategic purposes; These rules basically are
1.) Don’t talk in open channels
2.) Do not respond to any fuckery in open channels(Mordean and Slimans were 0/2 on this for the day just for the record)
Anyway the EQB enchanter that had been sitting on the spawn point when we arrived was less than thrilled with our show of force approx 8 hours into the sock and began talking shit in say; Now I would like to point out, 99% of the time on this server; guilds are not as committed as we are to getting keys and epics for our members. We would legit go to war for it; We have on multiple occasions pulled an entire guild full of people up to fight for a key part, epic part, or whatever.
However… when you start running your mouth speaking from personal experience (See Qeynos Militia-Mooks) it provides some Grade-A High Octane Ultra Motivation to turn a spawn into a grudge match which made what happened next in /say, on hour 9 of this Verina Tomb sit in ensure the most fuckery per minute of anything that happened involving us on Aradune.
Evilkensie says, ‘cant believe 40 of you poop socked for this for 7.5hrs’
Balance says, ‘its because that is just 1 guy boxing all those players…or like 3 tops’
Slimans says, ‘Im sorry that we havea guild willing to help our enchanters get their epics’
Balance says, ‘we did’
Balance says, ‘know who got the last 4?’
Mordean says, ‘yeah and almost each time it wasnt contested (:’
Balance says, ‘brb, big fish to fry’
Balance begins casting Ring of Feerrott.What was happening at Verina Tomb must have been the trending topic of conversation at the EQB Cazic Thule batphone because when Balance returned the final boss came with him. EQB starting pouring into Neriak C as if Verina Tomb’s nips squirted 100$ bills.
Upon their arrival amongst other things this gem in say was dropped and welp we got ourselves a good ol fashion fuckfest boys.
Massively says, ‘We have guildies that like to help their enchanters with epics’
Shyn says, ‘whole lotta butts in this room’
Balance says, ‘get Guiness on the phone! We may be breaking a new record!’As an aside high-light a 3rd party enchanter also here for the spawn but with neither party was steady talking some shit: Adaam We’ll get to his salty ass later.
Eviladaam says out of character, ‘Don’t do it to em EQ Baby!! They been here all day!!’
We had been here all day which made us even more invested; The first thing that happens upon EQB’s arrival
Atabishix begins casting Feign Death.
You say to your guild, ‘USE WANDS IF SHE SPAWNS’
Atabishix dies.
Tani N`Mar says, ‘Silent and deadly are the daggers of the Ebon Mask!That would be Atabishi dropping the rogue GM on our high elfs in Verina’s room, I have to say aside from the Rogue GM train which was more funny than malicious and us Ogre Walling the Neriak-C zone this was the most “professional” stand-off we’ve had on this server which is funny because it was the highest stakes standoff also.
Yalga tells the guild, ‘fucking verina tomb clown car’
After a tense hour long sit in bringing the total Sock Time 10 Hours and 30 minutes, With 100 people in zone (The Cap for Neriak C)
Verina Tomb had arrived.
She disintegrated in 3 and a half seconds, thankfully the kid still got it
In the aftermath though; GG’s were said and everyone politely vacated the area. Which was a nice change of pace if you’ve actually made it this far and read about all this shit before-hand.
As for Adaam… the side switching cheer-leader
Before we wrap up this fuckery top 10 I wanted to just say, I have seen EQB get so much hate over the course of the 2 years we have spent here; I’m not here to comment on if that is or isn’t justified but I rarely ever see this guild get any praise so you know what; I’m gonna throw a positive hot 16 in their direction.
Almost every interaction I have had with Atabishi over the course of the TLP server has been positive. When we started over here; we were out of touch having never played on a TLP server before and understanding power curves of classes, Atabishi (who I don’t know) answered almost every question I asked him. From what classes are good in what era, to questions regarding DKP Demand and loot so we could better tune our loot system for a TLP server, to raid mechanics in velious and luclin.
They are also the only guild on the server that is DTF anytime anywhere, There were multiple times in Gates of Discord where we were killing open-world spawns that happened to be up when we had force around and these guys fought us for every single one, while some people might not admire that kind of playstyle I certainly do. It takes a certain something to be that competitive so to Atabishi and the EQB core-squad we salute you for that roll up your sleeve can-do attitude.
Last but not least in this action packed never ending sprawling soiree of mania on display… To close things out we have
The Triality Hall of Shame: Aradune Edition
That’s right; If you’re asking yourself what the hall of shame is we go to the quote of The one, the only,
Quarken.Xired
“I was reminded of the members, or almost-members in some cases, that we came across. You know, the members who’s names we’ll never forget, and not for the good reasons. Now we’ve seen a shitload of people come in and out of our doors over the years. And Dalnoth and I don’t have the greatest memory ALCOHOLICS Who said that? But after much research and intense analysis we complied a list of the worst most trashy players to ever ride beside us. The list was lengthy at first, but we whittled it down to the Top 10 most terrible-wrapped-in-awful candidates. And, I don’t know about you, but I can’t celebrate properly unless I’m half-cocked and ripping into someone to make myself feel better. Don’t be confused, you aren’t about to read the starting lineup in this year’s Special Olympics wiffleball team; this is Triality’s Hall of Shame.”
#7. Kryshael
This guy was a piece of work; Aside from being an absolute whiner about everything Let me give you a quick “Am I a more considerate human than Kryshael” Quiz.
If your guild leader is powerleveling your 4th alt just to be a broDo you
A.) Sit in the position he instructed and chill
B.) Go out of XP range of your group to hunt named monsters that spawned in the course of powerleveling you because you want to keep the loot for yourself
C.) Run around like Corkie from life goes on causing the pull to spray and agro to go everywhere;
D.) Have an absolute mental kablamo at the person powerleveling you for having the GAUL to tell you to knock it the fuck off.If you answered A you get a gold star, unfortunately being the very well adjusted person and ultra polite human he was; Kryshael checked off B, C, and D.
Guuudbye.
#6 Wanyen
Quite possibly one of the absolute worst TLP people we’ve come across; Wanyen raided with us for a solid week before I tapped out. He’s a mage so we had him helping with the COTH chain to Yelinak; refused to COTH people but then told the Raid Leader to move him because the group “was done” even though he hadn’t cast coth a single time, had issues with the simplest raid instructions, and got the distinct impression was into EverCrack without the Ever part of it hard. On top of it all after he was fresh off that Rock-n-Roll re-up package he was known for DM sliding literally every female on discord with questionable content… yikes.
#5. Fronec
One of the most committed plat farmers I have seen; Fronec would consistently sleep through raids at… 6:30pm because he would be up until 2pm farming platinum in L-Guk. When he did make raids you could literally smell the perc dust hangover on this dude. You can ignore most of this; a game doesn’t earn the monicker EverCrack for no reason. However Fronec got it into his head he was being mis-treated and the hill he wanted to die on was the Pegasus Cloak from sky on week 6 of classic. Our policy on contested epic drops was: they were awarded by time spent/join date. Fronec was the third necromancer to join the guild so he was third to loot the Pegasus Cloak from sky.
After the first one got awarded to not Fronec; he let that perc dust hit his brain a little too hard, did a little song and dance before rage-deguilding and going to invest his future in the highly unsuccessful raiding franchise: Pillage & Plunder. I don’t know how that worked out for him he never sent me a postcard (shocker) but I haven’t seen Fronec or his new guild since the price of a Krono on Aradune went above 5k in Kunark.
What makes this even more hilarious is this item dropped 9 more times before classic was over; our alts alts had cloaks from sky which at the time of writing this; is listed as a 56% drop on zam.
Smooth Brain Plays no kappa
Added bonus fuckery tidbit: His new guild tried beating us on a Verina Tomb spawn, I believe there was a little bit of that doo doo being flung in OOC too. When those gates/origins fired up after they lost I almost had to call a Doctor for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours.
#4. Mirajane
Mirajane was quite the character; From the first raid he showed up to as a young enchanter during an Akheva Ruins clear in hate armor and joined Voice Chat I knew we were bound for greatness.
In the 4 minutes and 38 seconds he had been in Discord, Guild, and Raid he had inquired about the Centi Meat dropping off the dator trash no less than 7 times. I’m all about that Centi Meat personally, the 5 STR on those centi steaks hit different. It’s no longer DKP; It’s CMP… Centi Meat Points.
This guys absolute inability to read a room or situation was unmatched, I think my favorite example of this is when he cleared the floor in voice chat one night in Ssra so he could demand shaman buffs by saying “UM GUYS IVE ASKED FOR SHAMAN BUFFS LIKE FIFTEEN TIMES NOBODY IS BUFFING ME, LOOK AT THIS VUDOS GUY JUST STANDING HERE NOT BUFFING ME.. I MEAN COME ON.”.
If that wasn’t bad enough this guy was quite possibly the most useless enchanter ive met in the history of ever.
had the uncanny ability to always make EVERYTHING a conversation about his sexual preferences. With that in mind he decided to misread the room again and announce to the guild that he was posting his dick on instagram; who knew that gay AND strait people alike dont wanna randomly hear about you playing jerky mcgerkerson on the gram? The two letter response that started the mental KERSPLOSION of the expansion was priceless.
Terminated#3. Kosa/Outrageous
Kosa was one of the classic TLP-Recycle bin dumpsters that shared our guild tag for approx 4 weeks. A naked monk shows up on your doorstep wanting a home and being the evolved, not jaded, new leaf, chance giving norrathian I am I decided to give him an opportunity. Within two weeks I immediately got a bad hit off this dude and put him in loot time-out to see how he would react. The first bad hit I got off this specimen was him basically begging for an AoN in guild chat for three days straight, then It progressed to him lying about needing to see his dying Grandmother so he had to miss raids when really he was just raiding in multiple guilds to gear as many toons as possible (shocker). We let this jokester rack up 12 low contest loots over 2 weeks of raiding and almost immediately his complaints about loot started. The last straw was him jerking it non stop about an Epic 2.0 globe trying to social engineer his 3 week old ass up the list faster.
Eventually getting tired of not getting his 2.0 he executed order 66 ahead of schedule and deguilded the recycle monk and bought the witness protection package. There’s multiple hilarious things about this though; The main one is he developed a very awkward parasocial fixation with one of our monks who actually slaps the DPS meters unlike this skin tag; Who’s name is Ridiculous Damage and has been since he joined during The Buried Sea in 2006. Kosa who I’ve nicknamed Diet Ridi, thought he’d be slick with it and change his monk’s name to “Outrageous DPS”…
Dear Ridi, I wrote you but still ain’t callin’
I left my Twitter, my discord #, and my cell phone at the bottom
I sent two tells back in omens, you must not-a got ’em
There probably was a problem with the servers or somethin’
Sometimes my tells just don’t go through, you’re zoning when I jot ’em
But anyways, fuck it, what’s been up Man? how you parsin?
My name change just came through, I hope I don’t get a smack from my father
If I have a monk, guess what I’m a call him?
I’ma name him Outrageous
I read about the raids you pulled, that shit is famous
I had a “Friend” ragequit too when it was advantageous
I know you prolly hear this everyday, but im your biggest fan
I even got that world-wide first zerker axe you got where it all began
I got a room full of your screenshots and achievements man
I like that shit you did in momentum too that shit was phat
Anyway I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, my love’s contagious
This is OutrageousOh yeah he was also trying to whore as much loot shamelessly as he humanly could knowing damn well he was moving the toon. He deguilded on 12/22 this is the list of items he asked for prior; Luckily this isn’t my first guild leader experience and we aren’t DKP. Homie was on a 14 day cleansing diet for exhibiting all signs of a 487 (a) in progress…
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal, stay classy.
#2 Alich
I have to say it, If you were taking bets on people that would end up in the hall of shame; Alich would be the 85 to 1 longshot that paid out.
Alich was a pretty cool dude with likable quirks; He played an absolute ton of EQ, was a solid player and was the defacto guild photographer. He took screenshots of everything, took pride in his character, was always sociable, and loved playing altquest. You’re probably asking yourself; Dal how does a guy like this end up securing the #2 spot in the hall of shame?
Today we hear the tragedy of Darth (Plagueis) Alich (the Wise) the Frankfurter.
There are certain items that give you that instant boner in EverQuest that loom larger than life; For warriors its the iconic Blade of Carnage, Bloodfrenzy, Dark Blade of the Warlord; For monks its Shinai of the ancients etc… For Necro’s its a Triple-Play of items.Wand of Temporal Power (Dot extender), Earring of Temporal Solstice (Dot mana pres), AND The Time Robe; Miragul’s Shroud of Risen Souls (Dot Damage Increaser). Every starry eyed necro dreams of the Triple-Play as soon as PoP launches. If you have your Triality necromancer PoP scorecards handy at the time 5/22/2021
Alich
Wand [X]
Earring [X]
Robe [ ]
Geebsy
Wand [ ]
Earring [ ]
Robe [ ]
Mordeith
Wand [ ]
Earring [ ]
Robe [ ]
Playboy
Wand [ ]
Earring [ ]
Robe [ ]Alich looks poised to be the first necro to take the triple play having already managed to score not even a month into the expansion two out of three of the items; Only an absolute disaster in the 9th inning could change the trajectory of this… and oh boy did disaster strike in the bottom of the 9th.
A Robe Pattern finally dropped and to absolutely no surprise of anyone looking at this loot distribution among necros’; Alich did not win the robe, Delaying his dream of the necro Triple Play. The man was furious and demanded answers, hammering my DM inbox like it was the granary door in ancient Rome during Augustus-Anthony famine.
When dealing with situations like this; if peoples expectations are so far off base I have to be 100% candid with them and let em know that sometimes we’re so far apart or so far offbase on expectations that it’s just better if they don’t continue being apart of the guild. It’s almost never amicable but it’s a reality and 99.9% of the cases don’t go this far.
Enter: The Frankfurters.
I received a DM with multiple things that I consider extremely problematic by leadership standards and unable to resolve. I suspect some Not-Pepsi was involved in these DM’s.
The first is the fact that Alich was so angry over this robe when he has already looted a ton of items of value as you can see from the triple-play scorecard noted above. It’s extremely unreasonable. Next when he presented this to me; he used what I call the Ghostmen argument. This is a tactic people use when they are being petty bitches and want to try to normalize it by saying “i’m not the only one that feels this way” or “Lots of people” support my argument but because reason’s None of the other people who share this person’s opinion are available for comment or discussion. The last straw was him making a shitty passive aggressive comment about the Necro in question who won the Robe like he was not deserving of the loot. Thanks to the magic of the internet you can watch this unfold in real-time below.
After receiving the finger and knowing this was unresolvable, I just guild-removed him. What I received next Hoooo boy;
It didn’t stop there after wishing death on me and anyone cohabitating with me at the time of the incident at the hands of “Hotdog Napalm™”.
At this point we just stop reading and discontinuing further conversation but it didnt stop;
We left it on unread at that point and kept it moving, who knew somebody would get so angry with me replacing his 2 raider spots after he told me to.
The Hotdog Fire jokes and memes about burning my house down we bonded over will last a lifetime. For everyone will remember that time somebody on EQ Threatened to burn my house down with hotdogs. I’m not gonna lie; Everytime there’s a loot dispute now I make sure Costco isn’t having a sale on Frankfurters.
#1 Bennyrz & Crew
I play by a few general rules these days; By general policy; I dont beef with bums and these nobodys are certified dusty ass bum asses but there about to be a huge break in policy because when you turn riding my dick into an Olympic event for nearly 2 years your ass bout to get put on the summer jam screen.
There’s a way too long story to tell here that involved 8 or 9 deadbeats, how many of them were even real people we might never know because between them blogging about how their significant others run their lives in a toxic relationship so they cant play EQ, logging each other in for DKP/Attendance hits/Rotting Loot, and having them been in the guild for 3 weeks in classic and most of them only ever made it to a single raid it’s impossible to tell.
After a few guild policy changes that prevented these skintags from pilfering our guild of epic drops and sky quest items to leave the guild before Kunark, and to a system where they couldn’t collude DKP bids in a private channel amongst themselves, they became extremely angry and decided they were going to execute order 66 ahead of schedule by simultaneously de-guilding everyone Tuesday morning before Sky. They were so convinced the guild would disband without them it had to be one of the most hilarious cases of Delusional Grandiosity I have ever seen. They deguild all 9 or 10 characters before our next sky raid; Thinking they are going to inflict MAXIMUM DAMAGE upon our guild…. By taking their 10 raiders to “The Filthy Casualz” (LOL, more on this later)
Clearly these idiots play with names off and can’t use google to figure out what they were dealing with. As a leader I have dealt with the loss of some real Heavyweight players over the years, I have dealt with the craziest of the crazies trying to enact retribution and these weed carriers don’t even make the top 100 list.
Picture me playing on a TLP server just to put myself in a position where I can get sandbagged by some rural albertan eskimo methlord who has the brains of a child trapped under the Ice in January and Found in July.
What should have ended there and did on our parts, did not end there for the star of this show and Lead suspect in a string of burglaries related to Meth Trailers in Red Deer County: Bennyrz.
Developing a delusional psychosis of salt towards the guild and myself; Benny and his sycophants immediately began putting their mental BOOOM on display. Running to guild members throughout norrath on a myriad of alts to deliver their Dalno RP Fan Fiction of: “14 y/o Guild Leader”, “Corrupt Guild”, “Farm loot for Megalixir’s Alts”, and “DALNOS BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!”. I will say, this cocksucker was persistent. If the FBI profiled this guy; he’d be on a watch list by the end of business hours that very day. To save you all about 2 hours of your life and because I don’t want to take away from the A&E Docu-Series Special that will be made about him some day; Here’s some of the highlights over the 16 month period Bennyrz and their collective band of failures spent entertaining us by letting us know they have Dalnoth posters above their headboards.
Don’t worry guys, There’s always next TLP server.
[Tue Jul 21 13:59:51 2020]
Bennyrz says, ‘vonnn mega’
Bennyrz says, ‘aka farm gear/money for megalixer guild’[Fri Sep 18 21:45:17 2020]
Bennyrz says, ‘slaves of dalno’
Bennyrz says, ‘hows it feel to give him all raid $ loot’
Bennyrz says, ‘so he can buy KR off your back’
You say, ‘feels wounderful’
Bennyrz says, ‘”loot council” lolol what a joke’
Bennyrz says, ‘you must be a officer then’
You say, ‘you so salty bby its okay’
Bennyrz says, ‘benefitting from the corrupt’
Bennyrz says, ‘lol i dont care’
You say, ‘where your epic at?’
Bennyrz says, ‘unlike you guys, megalixiers personal bitches’
Bennyrz says, ‘lololol nice one’
You say, ‘OH right’
You say, ‘LOLOLOL’
Bennyrz says, ‘unlike u losers i dont value pixels that much’
Bennyrz says, ‘i hear yall ks alot’
Bennyrz says, ‘lucky this not a pvp server where i came from’
You say, ‘hit me up when your guild at least get you an epic’
Bennyrz says, ‘lol such a child’
Bennyrz says, ’14 yrs old like dalno?’
Bennyrz says, ‘puss’[Sat Oct 17 22:30:52 2020]
Cludstrife says, ‘lol von mega newbs’
Players in EverQuest:
—————————
[1 Cleric] Cludstrife (Dark Elf) ZONE: neriakc
Jalad hugs Cludstrife.
Eristic says, ‘what does newbs mean’
Minx tells the guild, ‘I feel like that is totally bennyrz’
Minx tells the guild, ‘Logging mad’
Minx tells the guild, ‘Cuz he still doesn’t have epic’
Kukimagi tells the guild, ‘Upon further investigation, shield isnt for sale’
Mendix tells the guild, ‘is Benny really making lvl 1s just to /say something?’
Minx tells the guild, ‘lol’
Yarg tells the guild, ‘wouldnt surprise me’
Minx tells the guild, ‘No he probably made one to check on verina cuz he still doesn’t have an epic’
Yarg tells the guild, ‘that guy couldnt be more butt hurt if he fell off a ladder onto a flourescent tube’
Kukimagi tells the guild, ‘Be sure to link the VT drop to him’
Slimans tells the guild, ‘N E W B S Nutstomping Every Wizzle + Bennyrz Sidepiece’I don’t think I need to point out (Although im about to) the high irony of somebody claiming not to care about pixels having the MENTAL BOOM of a lifetime… over pixels.
The conclusion to this story couldn’t be anymore hilarious if we fabricated the entire thing. Joining “The Filthy Casualz” we got frequent updates on their progress and watching their Aradune progress follow the trajectory of Scott Storch’s bank account during a coke bender was the maraschino cherry on top of it all after all the shit they were talking.
Shortly before fucking off back to whatever hole they came out of they joined an actual raiding guild for a hot minute to be weed carriers and tried acting like they were somebody before quitting again. Lots of people have ended up in the Hall of Shame list before; but none since Circo have become an absolute living meme and fountain of hilarity like Bennyrz.
My personal favorite were the tells from him and his side pieces bazaar traders that would immediately go into offline mode so you couldn’t respond to them. Also after 16 months of the high road I think its time for 2006 Dalnoth to make an appearance;
Watching Bennyrz act like a norrathian gangster between the hours of 6:30pm and 10:00pm where he can hide in the closet from his wife then the “BEN IM HOME” hits and his 64 impala low rider turns into a 2006 Compaq Pressario again. I never knew how stupid this mother fucker was until a sky raid when I had the pleasure of watching him carry out the extremely complex and what seemed to be incomprehensible task of figuring out a plane of sky key. I swear fucking Ray Charles could reach island 7 of plane of sky before this missing chromosome specimen.
Meanwhile Bennyrz in the MIA Channel:
“Hey guys sry, my wife wont let me play EQ again”
“Sry MIA tonight, Wife’s bowling friend Cancelled”
“Sry MIA tonight gonna go shoot up a dollarama after I find all the ingredients for a fresh bottle of shake and bake meth”When Bennyrz decides to grace people with his presence there are no winners and the clearest loser is humanity, but Aradune hasn’t been the same without him, we miss you bro.
xoxo.
That’s gonna wrap up this 2 year highlight reel. A Special thanks to everyone for making these last couple years suck less.
Prophecy of Ro is on the Horizon (6/1) And Serpent’s Spine (7/20).
Until then, Deuces muh Gooses.
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Update: Aradune – Coming Soon
UPDATE: ARADUNE – COMING SOON
It’s been almost two years since Triality started raiding on Aradune and an “Epic Retelling” is underway. Unfortunately there is no way we can turn back time and do a complete cataloging and curation of our epic, hilarity latent, degeneracy but the perfectionist in me is in the process of doing the closest thing to.
This will be a full Triality-style guild website update. I had to stop working on it to prep the next TLP Expansion: Depths of Darkhollow. Our first content update which is the retelling of Triality-Aradune 2 years is scheduled for release on 4/10.
Expansion specific micro-updates retelling details and reviews of some, or all, of the expansions (Classic, Kunark, Velious, Luclin, Planes, LDONG, Gates, Omens, Dragons, Depths) will be added periodically over a time period of 8 weeks.
EQ Guides, Videos, and opinion pieces regarding Tier/Power lists for classes for the next TLP Server will be done after the theme of the server is revealed.
Legacy updates will be restored as much is humanly possible for that sweet nostalgia hit you crave and to see how many OG Triality members are getting cancelled in 2022.
Thank you for your support and interest.
Dalnoth (Megalixir)
Dalno/Megalixir#3069
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Fix Your Face
Yo everyone. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the /guild, was “update the site with the shit that we killed”. Yes, Christmas comes early this year. Tell your Moms to return those new rubber bed sheets you had your eye on – the real gift has arrived: a timely and massive website update from your friends at TrialityGuild.com. Personally, I was banking on all the hype that we’d be smashed into
happinessoblivion by a Mayan asteroid and I could eternally slack but I guess my Christmas wish isn’t getting granted this year.
You’ve probably noticed that new and previously unthinkable levels of slack were being set here, as far as website front page updates go. The Veil of Alaris update was small, even by my standards. But don’t worry your pretty little faces about it; we’re still rampaging our way through Norrath, strong as ever. We’ve recently defeated King Xorbb and the rest of the Rain of Fear expansion, which is what brings us here today. So wut da deal wit da slack yo? is what you’re probably asking to your computer screens aloud, in the dark. If you promise to stop slobbering on me, I’ll tell you…
I don’t usually drone on too much about myself on this here website of ours. And truth is, I don’t have to now that my best-selling autobiography, Being Great at Being Awesome: The Life & Times of the Internet’s Greatest Hero, Quarken Xired is now required reading in 76% of schools, grades K-12. You pretty much know everything you need to know about me. But what you wouldn’t have read in The Book was: I was away getting married. I know you’re happy for me, and I appreciate that. But anyway…tell you more? Oh come now, I couldn’t. Oh, alright.
There’s not much to tell really, it’s the same age old story we’ve all heard before: Girl finds guy, guy finds EverQuest, girl doesn’t know when to abandon ship, guy crushes girl’s spirit over the span of 12 years and finally asks the question, “We might as well get married”. Not much of a question really but she could’ve run for her life. I’ll put you down for a “congratulations” and we’re registered at Macy’s. Etiquette says you have a year to produce a gift, so make it a good one. But enough about my romance novel of a life, the important thing is that I’m back and so are the website updates and me lying about doing website updates. Speaking of decade long things that destroy your will to live, we have some actual celebrating to do up in hurrr.
This past Fall, Triality celebrated it’s 10th year of putting the nasty in dynasty. All jokes and pseudo-ego maniacal banter aside, I want to say thanks and congratulations to everyone that got us here. Everyone who plays this game knows it is no easy task to keep a guild together and running, and keeping it up and running for 10 years is a straight up miracle. There is a reason for that though and the reason is the people, past and present, that put in the time to keep our little digital family functioning. You’re only as strong as your weakest link and we’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of strong links in this 10 year chain. So thanks to the guildleaders that have donated their time and sanity over the years; Orruar, Mendix, Dalno(th), the army of Officers and the longtime members (Midasa, 10 years in February) and our man Nuntius, giving us a place to fuck around outside of the game. It’s because of all you cats that people like me have a chance to log in everyday and enjoy the game with our friends. Here’s to another 10 years, God
forbidwilling.
So what have we been doing? If you guessed, “Shit-packing every event in Rain of Fear” then a winner is you. Even though this expansion has been easy, and I mean easy, it was still really fun. I don’t know why, but this expansion has been significantly more enjoyable than Veil of Alaris. Maybe its because it doesn’t have an AIDS sandwich of a flagging system that we’re forced to take a bite of after every event. Actually, that’s exactly what it is. So thanks for that, the ‘flagging’ system in Rain of Fear is proper as fuck and long overdue. Now, let’s just move away from the 54 man raid events and we’ll almost have a modern day MMO on our hands.
Rain of Fear, where do we start – King Xorbb? Tier 2? I suppose we should at least take the time to highlight all the events in the expansion, since we blew through them like shit through a goose and didn’t have a second to stop and update the front page of the website with our progress. So let’s get to it.
Shard’s Landing has one of the funnest raids in the expansion, Calling Phantasm, and it’s the first one out of the gate. You know it’s gonna be a dope event when you pull up and High Priest Syltetzalvek is wearing Solid Crystal Oxygenating Hand-Aquariums. But since it’s just a big kid Pull-Ups© version of the group event, as is par for the course around here, there’s no sense in wasting time talking about it; you’ve all seen it. So I think we can all agree that it was refreshing to see something new in EverQuest for once. I’m not too proud to say, we got lucky with the clues on our first shot at this event and successfully discovered the murderer in record time.
Next was The Madness of King Tormax which might be the best thing in the history of things, worldwide, event better than this. I didn’t bother to read the lore or the storyline about how they managed to retcon or alternate-universe the Velious storyline in order to get Dain-motherfucking-Frostreaver IV, King ‘my pimp hand has a pimp hand’ Tormax and Lord ‘nickname to be named later’ Yelinak in the same room and I don’t give a fuck. I will not question this miracle, I’m just happy it happened. It’s like when Batman and Robin would wind up in a Scooby-Doo cartoon; don’t ask, just enjoy it and masturbate furiously to it.
Jesus Christ it is late. What’s next? Oh god, Danela’s Stand. What the fuck were they thinking with this one. Again, as you all already know but just in case you don’t: the object here is to drop rocks from the ceiling which is like 100 feet high, down onto Danela. Sounds like normal right? The only problem is EverQuest is so fucking old that is has a collision system that’s worse than a Tiger Handheld. In any modern game, this would be all peaches and cream but put lipstick on a pig and it’s still EverQuest. Let’s understand our shortcomings and work around them. I know we’re trying to “set a new standard of gameplay” here but don’t build entire events highlighting and trying to forcefuck those short comings into everyone’s raid experience. What I’m telling you is, EQ just doesn’t have the skills, agility, the skagility to make this sort of thing work naturally. It feels clunky as shit. Anyway, this event is a lot like sex: there’s a woman, positioning is important and we’re not very good at it.
Zeixshi-Kar’s Shard was the next event we killed. Pretty decent DPS event. Just a shitload of drakes, giants, dwarfs and a dragon. It’s like old school EverQuest condensed into a nice purple dome.
I think we killed The Queen’s Decree next. Ya, Grelleth, Her Majesty the Queen. Just to set the stage here: This event is a purple BBW pig queen that calls upon like six(?) of her exclusively male kids to help her kill the intruders, e.g. our raid force. Like, okay whatever, seemingly normal enough on the surface. Right? Then the dialogue hits and it is sus af. SUS AYY EFF:
The dialogue reads like something out Oedipus’s tortured subconscious and that’s just one snippet. There’s a whole event just full of this shit. I mean, we kind of take it at face value when we see it play out ‘in character’ within the context and confines of the game. H O W E V E R someone was sitting there at a keyboard typing up what they considered to be normal raid banter and scripting but in reality they likely have more mommy issues than Good Housekeeping magazine. Honest question here: Who writes this crazy shi-
After shitting my last 4 meals onto Frankie’s basement floor, he was hauled away by the proper authorities and we moved on to Heart of the Oak. This event is one of those events that makes you wonder, “What actually happens on beta anyway?”. Who beta tested this event, for real? There is no way that the first half of this event should have been given a clean bill of health. There are more bugs than Lohan’s vagina, the event resets seemingly at random, you have to perform mundane and forever-long tasks to progress the event and as if that wasn’t enough, you have to stand inside what appears to be The Asshole of Norrath. Fitting I suppose. Once you blast past the ass and get to the final boss fight, it’s actually pretty good. The event has some cool shit going on and I dig the boss; looks pretty dope if you’re into that vagina dentata thing (and I am nomnomnomnom).
I mean, it’s like 4am on Christmas morning. What the hell has gone wrong in my life that put me here at this moment in time. I’m not sure, but what I do know is we prepared A Feast For Zalikor next! Sorry Zalikor, the only thing on the menu for your feast, is our massive balls. EAT UP. Hiyoooooo! I’m officially exhausted at this point. This event is pretty dope. The Breeding Grounds is a kick ass looking zone too. More importantly, Zalikor got Nipsy’d.
The last mofaka in tier 2 that we had the pleasure of smashing was my nigga Marnek J. Best part about this event was that even the necro NPCs are still using the Epic 2.0 – now that shit is hilarious. This is another pretty cool event. I like this one, I think we all enjoyed it. To be honest, pretty much every event (except the first half of Evantill) is fun enough. Of course, with this proper flagging system and beating the expansion before Christmas, it’s hard to put me in a bad mood. I’d be all fire and brimstone if we didn’t beat the expansion before the holidays. That’d suck. Big time. I think I’ve filled this paragraph enough, on to the picture!
Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, well the moment I’ve been waiting for because that means I can almost go to bed – the Valley of King Xorbb and the end of this lengthy, but educational, website update!
So we entered this fool sucka’s Valley a little late; almost 2 weeks behind our competition. But we ended up smashing through it and taking back our rightful spot on the throne, finishing 1st on Drinal server. That’s good shit right there and I want to congratulate all my brethren in Triality for their hard work, raiding until the wee hours, and still having a fucking blast to make that shit happen. I’ve said it a lot over the course of 10 years and goddammit I’ll say it again: You guys kick ass and never cease to amaze.
I feel like we all went on an adventure together tonight; an adventure of writing, and pictures, and dick jokes and more pictures, and gallons of Diet Coke and enough Sour Patch Kids to clog a wood chipper. All in all, the expansion is fun. The events are all pretty fresh and everyone seemed to have a good time romping through it. But the highlight of the entire thing…the real reason why Rain of Fear is the second best expansion in the history of the game: North. Temple. Of. Veeshan.
Whoever’s idea it was to put a beefed up version of NToV in the game should get free blowjobs for life. NToV is, without question, the best raiding experience money can buy. I was all excited that I might get to update the front page of the website with old school screenshots of those dragon bodies, reliving the raids of yesteryear but with so much other shit to talk about, and my desire to get more than 3 hours of sleep tonight, I’ll just leave you with these:
Only real Gs can click this image.
So that’s it, my friends; Rain of Fear abridged. I know we’ve kind of covered everything here, not leaving much for another update until we get some new Rain of Fear content in a few months but we have some shit planned. It’s our 10 Year Anniversary, we gotta throw up something good. So we’ll have another update soonish and it’ll have the goods. For example, we’ll be mixing up a Rain of Fear video like so much funzie and something else special that I think people might have fun reading. Ooooh, that’s what we in the business call a teaser.
Merry Christmas, my Nigerian princes!
Slaughter your family and then break for lunch.
There’s not a pair of dry pants in the bunch.Originally posted by qxx • Dec 25, 2013 03:44
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Oi To The World
Yo everyone. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the /guild, was “update the site with the shit that we killed”. Yes, Christmas comes early this year. Tell your Moms to return those new rubber bed sheets you had your eye on – the real gift has arrived: a timely and massive website update from your friends at TrialityGuild.com. Personally, I was banking on all the hype that we’d be smashed into
happinessoblivion by a Mayan asteroid and I could eternally slack but I guess my Christmas wish isn’t getting granted this year.You’ve probably noticed that new and previously unthinkable levels of slack were being set here, as far as website front page updates go. The Veil of Alaris update was small, even by my standards. But don’t worry your pretty little faces about it; we’re still rampaging our way through Norrath, strong as ever. We’ve recently defeated King Xorbb and the rest of the Rain of Fear expansion, which is what brings us here today. So wut da deal wit da slack yo? is what you’re probably asking to your computer screens aloud, in the dark. If you promise to stop slobbering on me, I’ll tell you…
I don’t usually drone on too much about myself on this here website of ours. And truth is, I don’t have to now that my best-selling autobiography, Being Great at Being Awesome: The Life & Times of the Internet’s Greatest Hero, Quarken Xired is now required reading in 76% of schools, grades K-12. You pretty much know everything you need to know about me. But what you wouldn’t have read in The Book was: I was away getting married. I know you’re happy for me, and I appreciate that. But anyway…tell you more? Oh come now, I couldn’t. Oh, alright.
There’s not much to tell really, it’s the same age old story we’ve all heard before: Girl finds guy, guy finds EverQuest, girl doesn’t know when to abandon ship, guy crushes girl’s spirit over the span of 12 years and finally asks the question, “We might as well get married”. Not much of a question really but she could’ve run for her life. I’ll put you down for a “congratulations” and we’re registered at Macy’s. Etiquette says you have a year to produce a gift, so make it a good one. But enough about my romance novel of a life, the important thing is that I’m back and so are the website updates and me lying about doing website updates. Speaking of decade long things that destroy your will to live, we have some actual celebrating to do up in hurrr.
This past Fall, Triality celebrated it’s 10th year of putting the nasty in dynasty. All jokes and pseudo-ego maniacal banter aside, I want to say thanks and congratulations to everyone that got us here. Everyone who plays this game knows it is no easy task to keep a guild together and running, and keeping it up and running for 10 years is a straight up miracle. There is a reason for that though and the reason is the people, past and present, that put in the time to keep our little digital family functioning. You’re only as strong as your weakest link and we’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of strong links in this 10 year chain. So thanks to the guildleaders that have donated their time and sanity over the years; Orruar, Mendix, Dalno(th), the army of Officers and the longtime members (Midasa, 10 years in February) and our man Nuntius, giving us a place to fuck around outside of the game. It’s because of all you cats that people like me have a chance to log in everyday and enjoy the game with our friends. Here’s to another 10 years, God
forbidwilling.
So what have we been doing? If you guessed, “Shit-packing every event in Rain of Fear” then a winner is you. Even though this expansion has been easy, and I mean easy, it was still really fun. I don’t know why, but this expansion has been significantly more enjoyable than Veil of Alaris. Maybe its because it doesn’t have an AIDS sandwich of a flagging system that we’re forced to take a bite of after every event. Actually, that’s exactly what it is. So thanks for that, the ‘flagging’ system in Rain of Fear is proper as fuck and long overdue. Now, let’s just move away from the 54 man raid events and we’ll almost have a modern day MMO on our hands.
Rain of Fear, where do we start – King Xorbb? Tier 2? I suppose we should at least take the time to highlight all the events in the expansion, since we blew through them like shit through a goose and didn’t have a second to stop and update the front page of the website with our progress. So let’s get to it.
Shard’s Landing has one of the funnest raids in the expansion, Calling Phantasm, and it’s the first one out of the gate. You know it’s gonna be a dope event when you pull up and High Priest Syltetzalvek is wearing Solid Crystal Oxygenating Hand-Aquariums. But since it’s just a big kid Pull-Ups© version of the group event, as is par for the course around here, there’s no sense in wasting time talking about it; you’ve all seen it. So I think we can all agree that it was refreshing to see something new in EverQuest for once. I’m not too proud to say, we got lucky with the clues on our first shot at this event and successfully discovered the murderer in record time.
Next was The Madness of King Tormax which might be the best thing in the history of things, worldwide, event better than this. I didn’t bother to read the lore or the storyline about how they managed to retcon or alternate-universe the Velious storyline in order to get Dain-motherfucking-Frostreaver IV, King ‘my pimp hand has a pimp hand’ Tormax and Lord ‘nickname to be named later’ Yelinak in the same room and I don’t give a fuck. I will not question this miracle, I’m just happy it happened. It’s like when Batman and Robin would wind up in a Scooby-Doo cartoon; don’t ask, just enjoy it and masturbate furiously to it.
Jesus Christ it is late. What’s next? Oh god, Danela’s Stand. What the fuck were they thinking with this one. Again, as you all already know but just in case you don’t: the object here is to drop rocks from the ceiling which is like 100 feet high, down onto Danela. Sounds like normal right? The only problem is EverQuest is so fucking old that is has a collision system that’s worse than a Tiger Handheld. In any modern game, this would be all peaches and cream but put lipstick on a pig and it’s still EverQuest. Let’s understand our shortcomings and work around them. I know we’re trying to “set a new standard of gameplay” here but don’t build entire events highlighting and trying to forcefuck those short comings into everyone’s raid experience. What I’m telling you is, EQ just doesn’t have the skills, agility, the skagility to make this sort of thing work naturally. It feels clunky as shit. Anyway, this event is a lot like sex: there’s a woman, positioning is important and we’re not very good at it.
Zeixshi-Kar’s Shard was the next event we killed. Pretty decent DPS event. Just a shitload of drakes, giants, dwarfs and a dragon. It’s like old school EverQuest condensed into a nice purple dome.
I think we killed The Queen’s Decree next. Ya, Grelleth, Her Majesty the Queen. Just to set the stage here: This event is a purple BBW pig queen that calls upon like six(?) of her exclusively male kids to help her kill the intruders, e.g. our raid force. Like, okay whatever, seemingly normal enough on the surface. Right? Then the dialogue hits and it is sus af. SUS AYY EFF:
The dialogue reads like something out Oedipus’s tortured subconscious and that’s just one snippet. There’s a whole event just full of this shit. I mean, we kind of take it at face value when we see it play out ‘in character’ within the context and confines of the game. H O W E V E R someone was sitting there at a keyboard typing up what they considered to be normal raid banter and scripting but in reality they likely have more mommy issues than Good Housekeeping magazine. Honest question here: Who writes this crazy shi-
After shitting my last 4 meals onto Frankie’s basement floor, he was hauled away by the proper authorities and we moved on to Heart of the Oak. This event is one of those events that makes you wonder, “What actually happens on beta anyway?”. Who beta tested this event, for real? There is no way that the first half of this event should have been given a clean bill of health. There are more bugs than Lohan’s vagina, the event resets seemingly at random, you have to perform mundane and forever-long tasks to progress the event and as if that wasn’t enough, you have to stand inside what appears to be The Asshole of Norrath. Fitting I suppose. Once you blast past the ass and get to the final boss fight, it’s actually pretty good. The event has some cool shit going on and I dig the boss; looks pretty dope if you’re into that vagina dentata thing (and I am nomnomnomnom).
I mean, it’s like 4am on Christmas morning. What the hell has gone wrong in my life that put me here at this moment in time. I’m not sure, but what I do know is we prepared A Feast For Zalikor next! Sorry Zalikor, the only thing on the menu for your feast, is our massive balls. EAT UP. Hiyoooooo! I’m officially exhausted at this point. This event is pretty dope. The Breeding Grounds is a kick ass looking zone too. More importantly, Zalikor got Nipsy’d.
The last mofaka in tier 2 that we had the pleasure of smashing was my nigga Marnek J. Best part about this event was that even the necro NPCs are still using the Epic 2.0 – now that shit is hilarious. This is another pretty cool event. I like this one, I think we all enjoyed it. To be honest, pretty much every event (except the first half of Evantill) is fun enough. Of course, with this proper flagging system and beating the expansion before Christmas, it’s hard to put me in a bad mood. I’d be all fire and brimstone if we didn’t beat the expansion before the holidays. That’d suck. Big time. I think I’ve filled this paragraph enough, on to the picture!
Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, well the moment I’ve been waiting for because that means I can almost go to bed – the Valley of King Xorbb and the end of this lengthy, but educational, website update!
So we entered this fool sucka’s Valley a little late; almost 2 weeks behind our competition. But we ended up smashing through it and taking back our rightful spot on the throne, finishing 1st on Drinal server. That’s good shit right there and I want to congratulate all my brethren in Triality for their hard work, raiding until the wee hours, and still having a fucking blast to make that shit happen. I’ve said it a lot over the course of 10 years and goddammit I’ll say it again: You guys kick ass and never cease to amaze.
I feel like we all went on an adventure together tonight; an adventure of writing, and pictures, and dick jokes and more pictures, and gallons of Diet Coke and enough Sour Patch Kids to clog a wood chipper. All in all, the expansion is fun. The events are all pretty fresh and everyone seemed to have a good time romping through it. But the highlight of the entire thing…the real reason why Rain of Fear is the second best expansion in the history of the game: North. Temple. Of. Veeshan.
Whoever’s idea it was to put a beefed up version of NToV in the game should get free blowjobs for life. NToV is, without question, the best raiding experience money can buy. I was all excited that I might get to update the front page of the website with old school screenshots of those dragon bodies, reliving the raids of yesteryear but with so much other shit to talk about, and my desire to get more than 3 hours of sleep tonight, I’ll just leave you with these:
Only real Gs can click this image.
So that’s it, my friends; Rain of Fear abridged. I know we’ve kind of covered everything here, not leaving much for another update until we get some new Rain of Fear content in a few months but we have some shit planned. It’s our 10 Year Anniversary, we gotta throw up something good. So we’ll have another update soonish and it’ll have the goods. For example, we’ll be mixing up a Rain of Fear video like so much funzie and something else special that I think people might have fun reading. Ooooh, that’s what we in the business call a teaser.
Merry Christmas, my Nigerian princes!
Slaughter your family and then break for lunch.
There’s not a pair of dry pants in the bunch.Originally posted by qxx • Dec 25, 2013 03:44
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Back Up In Your Ass With The Resurrection
Yo everyone. Ohhhh shit, it’s a Christmas miracle – a real front page update is actually going to happen. And now you know those shifty Mayans have it right: apocalypse incoming. For now, let me say congrats to all the cocks and box of Triality for bringing the #1 spot on Drinal back home where it belongs.
Check back here in a day or 2 for the real deal Holyfield update.
Also…
Originally posted by qxx • Dec 19, 2012 21:46
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We Are The Storm
You gained raid experience! The Triunity has been slain by Pawel! GUILD MOTD: Quarken - A gigantic, throbbing, pulsating congratulations to you nigs for putting this expansion in the ground. We're officially on Farm now meaning Saturdays off for a while. We're going to take a few days to make sure our loved ones still know who we are. Be back Tuesday 4/17 ready to smash and grab as much loot as we can carry out this bitch.
Once again I want to thank and congratulate everyone in Triality for this very well earned expansion finish. Can’t stop, won’t stop…
…and the [worse possible] loots [that we could have possibly gotten] are below.
A gazebo full of god-killers.
Originally posted by qxx • Apr 13, 2012 23:59
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Jiggle the Handle
Yo everyone. I guess I can take ‘Wait 1 full year before doing a front page update’ out of my bucket list. I want to thank EverQuest for making this possible. Had you been putting out any new content or making anything worth talking about, I may not have been able to accomplish this remarkable feat and personal milestone.
Truth be told, it seems a little lackluster to be writing an update about an expansion we beat 11 months ago. But we’re on the eve of being paroled from the House of Thule and before we move on to the next installment in the EverQuest franchise, Veil of Alaris, I wanted to write this update for the sole purpose of congratulating my fellow adventurers in Triality. At the risk of sounding too conceited, let me say congratulations for finishing House of Thule #1 on the server and #2 game-wide. Ok, I’m done. See you next year!
Ok I lied. That isn’t the sole purpose of writing this update. As much as I love talking about how awesome we are, there are 3 other very good reasons for this:
First, legions of turncoat Triality members voted me Least likely to update the website before Veil of Alaris in the Triality yearbook. And the only thing I like more than ‘slacking’ is ‘doing things out of spite’.
Second, I lost a bet. Which taught me that the only thing this guild likes more than ‘slacking’ is ‘doing things out of spite’.
Third, Sanctum Somnium.
While I’m not going to recap every event held within Somnium, as that shit is old news by now, I did still want to highlight some of the finer aspects of the zone we’ve been wasting away in for the past year. A tribute.
It’s not always about the challenge. And if events 3, 4 & 6 are any indication, I’m not the only one who feels that way (zing!) When you play a video game, sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and enjoy the superficial aesthetics of it; the graphics, for lack of a better term. The visual appeal of a video game is one of the first things old and new players alike are going to use in order to gauge, “How good is this game?” and I think the latest end-zone of House of Thule answers that question perfectly.
Visually stunning. It’s no secret that EverQuest subscriptions are going a zip-a-dee-doo-dah and I can’t imagine why. Who doesn’t want to put their time into a game that when ‘beaten’ rewards you with a sandy wasteland of nothingness. That’s every boy’s dream. Sandy Wasteland not your cup of tea? Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, we also have:
The Cages of Boredom! Oh, I can remember as a child being captivated by hero’s tales of great, big, gray cages of emptiness. Who needs caverns filled with treasure, rock ledges overhanging pools of lava, enchanted forests or temples lined with secret passage ways when you can experience the fantasy equivalent of a 9-5 cubicle. What’s that you say? A doorway and walls are just too many physical features for you? Well this next one is right up your alley. Don’t be fooled, it’s not the inside of The Grimace’s urethra…
…it’s The Sky to Nowhere!
Don’t adjust your video cards and this isn’t a dream – it’s a dream come true. Never again will your eyes or brain need to be filled with inconsequential, visual distractions which is the last thing you want in a video game. I would rhetorically exclaim, “Who makes this shit?!” but we already know…
There was one cool visual thing happening in House of Thule. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not but while we were doing Tick Tock for the first time I found myself gazing at the clock. I wasn’t just trying to rationalize why Triality, seasoned veterans of Norrath’s conflicts, were beating up a fucking piece of furniture. No, there was something very familiar about this clock and what has been seen cannot be…well you know the rest.
So that’s it. We’re looking forward to stomping mudholes in Veil of Alaris, which is off to a good start so far…
Awful indeed. Anyway, I promise….sorry, choked for a second there, I promise we’ll update the website more frequently with our tales from the new sexpansion. ‘More frequently’ being a relative term of course! In the meantime, don’t let your meat loaf.
Sunder your forms with my withering hacks.
Mash up your face with my gauntleted smacks.Originally posted by qxx • Nov 14, 2011 17:06
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G’d Up From The Feet Up
Recruitment Info
Updated Apr 5, 2011
Bard
Druid
Necromancer
Shaman
WizardYo everyone. This may be [is definitely] the most slack front page update in our guild’s history. And if you’ve followed our stained career of timely front page updates, that says a lot. Though, try to find it in your hearts to cut us some slack for our slack because we’ve been like stupid busy burning down the House of Thule. I promise we’ll have a 2 legit 2 quit front page update in the very near future, until then we’ll just say: Everything up to and including this guy is dead.
Get in my way and you forfeit your life.
I’ll orphan your children and widow your wife.Originally posted by qxx • Nov 18, 2010 00:01
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Don’t Open ‘Til Doomsday
Recruitment Info
Updated Nov 12, 2010
Cleric
Necromancer
WizardYo everyone! As we all know, today officially kicks off House of Thule. To celebrate this momentous occasion, on a day of endless delays and patches, we bring you an action packed look at our journeys through the Underfoot in the form of a stylish and slimming .wmv movie.
This year’s musical selection bids farewell to our once loyal companion, Andrew W.K. However, it bids a farewelcome to the progenitors of horror-punk; the venerable and legendary Misfits. And to help usher in this changing of the musical guard, we’re kicking it off with three Misfits tracks, all cut up and spun up to suit our style and profile. Enjoy!
Triality vs. Underfoot
172 MB .wmv format
Soundtrack:
Abominable Dr. Phibes by The Misfits
Walk Among Us by The Misfits
Don’t Open ‘Til Doomsday by The Misfits
What’s the Difference by Dr. Dre
Hatred is a seed that’s easy to sow.
Buckets of blood will help it to grow.Originally posted by qxx • Oct 12, 2010 01:09
