Quarken Era (2004-2013)

Black & Huge

Yo everyone. So ya, this update should’ve been done a week ago or so. I slacked a bit. If this is your first time reading our site, that sort of thing doesn’t happen often – scout’s honor. Typically, I’m so punctually on top of things that I stream our raids on real-time video feeds with live commentary provided by some of the internet’s most esteemed MMO talking heads and the day’s hottest celebs.

Before we get into the hot new action, we are recruiting! Keep a look back here, this list will change depending on our needs.

Bard: 2
Berserker: 1
Cleric: 2
Enchanter: 1
Magician: 1
Paladin: 1
Wizard: 1

Updated Feb 17, 2006

If you feel our lovely guild is the place you want to be, send Orruar a tell in game before you apply.

So, according to the last update, we had beaten Emperor Draygun, the Lich King and Sendaii, the Hive Queen, which were the last 2 raids we needed for the big 5 out of 5 in the cursed blood department. No, I’m not talking about super AIDS. I’m talking about the convoluted plot device that leads us closer and closer to the end-game of Darkhollow. Now that we had the 5/5 locked down, there was one last thing we needed to do in order to be able to get into The Demi-Plane of Blood. That last thing was kicking the tears off that weepy vampire bitch Master Vule the Silent Tear. We hadn’t really been putting time into killing Vule yet. We were really focused on juicing our curse counter up to a full 5 first. Even still, we ran up through Dreadspire and quickly gave Master Vule a dramatic death that any goth would be proud to receive.

And with Master Vule’s death, we were ready to bring The Big Orange Machine into The Demi-Plane of Blood.

The first fight we have in front of us is Zi-Thuuli of the Granite Claw. This fight consists of sitting at the zone in and pulling trash until he randomly pops. Then you fight him and he depops. Do that 4 times and, hooray, you move onto bigger and better things. Am I talking shit about this event? Not really. If I made it sound boring and brainless then that’s not my fault. That’s just exactly what happens; a perfect description of the fight. I didn’t even mock it with witty hilarious one-liners or clever color commentary. I personally think it’s boring, but it’s not a big deal. It’s the first fight in the zone and usually things get better the deeper in you get. Like a butthole.

So, with The Notorious Zi-T dead, what’s next? We stroll upstairs for some more of this hot Dreadspire, erm I mean, Demi-Plane action and Drama queen alert: We’ve rolled up on three sister’s who are all fighting over The Master’s dick piece. For some reason, we gotta help one of these strangers succeed in getting laid. I just sat here for 5 minutes, half a glass of diet coke and 2 cigarettes trying to figure out a way to tell the tale of this splendiferic event and I got nothin’. This event sucks. It’s all about talking to NPCs, killing trash that repops and that’s it. The entire raid sits there while a few people HAIL NPCs. Don’t believe me? Let’s have Fishlip explain this event to you:

For true. This event would be cool if it was a 1 group instance that was optional. Basically, so nobody would ever have to do it. Because nobody would. Ever. Because hailing NPCs isn’t fun. Whatever though, we beat it. Here’s the loots:

We’re pretty close to beating the next fight up in Demi-Plane. So come back soon and I’ll spin you a tale all about it.

So, this update should’ve been done 3 or 4 days ago, maybe more. I just couldn’t gather the stamina to do it because, frankly, I wasn’t excited about any of the fights. There’s nothing to write about them – they suck. We got into this new zone and it sucks. The Hatchet the Torturer fight we’re working on now seems fun. I dig it. And the fights we haven’t seen could very well be awesome and shit. So, I may be out of line right now because I’m ignorant to what the rest of the zone contains but whatever, I’ll say it anyway.

How the fuck do you get away with making the end zone an exact replica of a previous zone? How? That shit wouldn’t fly a few years ago. Remember? A Few years ago? When you actually drew in new players so you had to keep the good shit coming? The end zone was something you always looked forward to, something that made you go, “shit, that’s dope” when you zoned in. Something unique looking. You made the end zone of this expansion an exact replica of Dreadspire Keep. Are you guys that lazy? The couple of weeks after Depths of Darkhollow was released, I was really digging the geography of it all. A few friends, who are retired, logged on to ask about it. I kept saying how neat all the zones were. They are pretty creative zones; a lot of vertical space, which is a relatively new design style. It gave this expansion a different feel to the others. So why the fuck did you drop the ball when it comes to the end-zone? Shit doesn’t make any sense. I can’t tell you how much of a let down it is.

I personally think it’s because the majority of the player base today is never going to see it. So you spend all your time cooking up these cool looking experience zones anyone can get into. But when it comes to the small portion of the player base that is going to spend the time working their asses off to get into the one exclusive zone, you just fuck it all up. You know we, the hardcore players, are going to be here tomorrow. We’ll raid whatever you throw at us. We’ll beat it no mater how shitty it is. And you know this. So, why bother making it all snazzy and cool? Why bother putting any effort into making a hot looking end-zone? Right? Ya, that’s right.

There aren’t enough popular guild site’s that criticize your mistakes. Which is a shame because it used to keep you on your toes. You’d listen to the feedback, make some changes etc… Now it’s like, all those popular sites people trafficked went to World of Warcraft and you finally can sit back and slack, pumping out bullshit without the player scrutiny. Whatever. I’ve spent 5+ years of steady playing, keeping at the top of this game, because I enjoy it. So excuse me if I get offended when you make a zone that is a total crock of fucking bullshit. So excuse me when I gotta honk the ‘You done fucked up’ alarm while I sit through some piece of shit encounter you obviously put no effort into making. If there weren’t people telling you your fuck ups, you’d just continue to fuck up either because you 1.) Are ignorant to how people feel or 2.) You just don’t give a shit.

Above: An example of a Serious Man™

There’s no rational explanation. People who design this game, who designed this expansion, got together and shared ideas with what the zones should contain, what they should look like, who they are designed to be played by, etc.. So when Dev1 said, “Hey, let’s save some time and money, we can copy/paste the Dreadspire Keep file and call it Demi-Plane” – why didn’t anyone slap the skin off him? I’m seriously asking.

Enough of that Serious Man™ talk – let’s giggle.

Originally posted by qxx • Jan 16, 2006 11:37

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