Legacy Updates

quarken.xired-Crush Our Battle Opponent’s Balls

Originally posted by Quarken on April 03, 2007 18:23

Yo everyone. This update may or may not be a few days past due. But it’s OK, friends. Because we are here to announce something mega.

We are officially the first guild to beat everyone else in Solteris, the Throne of Ro.

As our previous update noted, we had beaten the first TWO events in Solteris. And as you will read further, we have beaten the next THREE amazing encounters, bringing up to a grand total of FIVE. At this point, you’re probably thinking:

“There are SEVEN events, dickhead. How can you claim you’re the first to beat an expansion when you haven’t even finished it yet. What happens if you get too cocky and some other awesome, more handsome, well hung guild beats you to the end boss and kills it, you self-righteous, egotistical, sore-losing douche bag[s]?”

As you very well know, that doesn’t matter. We have progressed further and faster than any other guild through this zone and if we get beaten by someone to the end, that just means we lost TWO of the encounters to them, but still beat them by FIVE. Leaving us as the BEST OVERALL Solteris raiders this side of the Mason-Dixon. And that’s all that matters. You and your logic will never be able to pry this twisted view of accomplishment from my clinging, cold, undying hands. Now, if you would excuse me for a second, it’s almost bedtime and I need to do my stretches or I’ll never be able to self-fellate while giving a round of applause.


So let’s explore these three amazing events.

First off is my personal favorite, Stalwart Defenders. This event requires you to crack this golem a real onesy-twosey across his smug little chin. But don’t get too over anxious there, Rodney, or you’re gonna be hauled into the big house. We posted bail and collected out loot.

Blessing of Shifting Smoke
Fiery Dirk of Sacrifice
Firekissed Hoop of the Titan
Pulsating Beacon of Fire
Great Axe of Twink Flames

Next event just over the bridge to Grandma’s house is The Captured Portal. Spearheaded by Astire, the Lunar Eclipse. This fight is just a ‘lil gem of heaven. We dispatched our boys in at the 4th Precinct to put the muscle on this fella.

Amice of Wurine Regeneration
Dark Visor of Necrotic Essence
Tattooed Hide of the Beast

Finally, we have the hermaphroditic spider Irrissa, the Seer. An epic battle. So unbelievably epic, I forgot to get a screenshot of this beast. So here’s a shot of the aftermath.

Diamond Ring of Planar Health
Venemous Fang of the Seer

And that’s it for now. More to come, more to come. So check back for the epic conclusion.

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