Degenerates, but even Ellen loves our shit

GLizzyCAm2

Yo everyone, we back once a mf-in gain! I bet yall thought you weren’t gonna hear from me until 2023, Whoever took the under is a winner today and the only loser is humanity. Before we get too far into the latest insight into the wild world of degeneracy lets get the recruiting plug out the way.

Recruitment:

Currently on Aradune we are looking for
Bard
Berserker

Monk
Necro
Reminder: We always on the lookout for team players who wanna be apart of the squad; if you want to be here hit us up we can flex the roster around usually.

As you can tell from the highly professional “Glizzy” devouring highlight from above, The latest expansion on Aradune “Prophecy of Ro” is about as big of it hit now as it was when it originally released; Incase you didn’t experience that here’s a spoiler alert: It wasn’t. If it’s even possible the expansion seems worse than it did originally because nobody plays low to mid tier content on these servers. Which is saying a lot since the majority of us spent the original PoR raid-logging to play on The Combine server, great to see not much has really changed and we are indeed creatures of habit; there’s a psychological experiment in there somewhere im sure.

Let’s start with the zones: With the exception of Deathknell, (which is a masterpiece) They suck.

  • Freeport Revamp sucks
  • Arcstone is a gigantic waste of space full of shit nobody will ever use now and it sucks
  • The Devastation 15 years after the fact is still the single most bug ridden, aids concentrate packed into a single cartesian coordinate plane and it sucks
  • Sverag is cool until you get irish carbombed by somebody’s 162 (no cappuccino) single stack goblin train in front of Razorthorn because 9000 people are doing Vessel, don’t kill the mobs that spawn from it and then Huge shocker somebody agro’s them and starts  re-enact the last scene from “Training Day” on your ass and GUESS WHAT? IT SUCKS
  • Razorthorn you ask? Where the Sullon Zek script remains to this day; in fact broken and the trash mobs cast Raking of The Werewolf, with enough frequency that Radiant Cure is not back up to remove it and just cause I know one of you silly nillys are gonna be like AMGG MEGALIXIR JUST CURE IT DUHHHHHH ; yeah let me get right fucking on that with remove fucking greater fucking curse and its 6 second base cast time, Single Target Properties, and EverQuests tick system which means that no matter what unless you RC or purify that mana/end drain is raping and pillaging and you know what forget about it; IT SUCKS
  • Theater of Blood could possibly be the worst zone design in the history of ever with everything in that zone  seemingly doing something even more fucking infuriating than the next nothing says great gaming experience more than getting rooted just out of melee range and having a horde of carnivorous plants spam the ae root so you can’t cure it, can’t move, and then the motherfuckers can hit you with melee attacks because the MONSTERS HAVE LARGER ATTACK BOXES THAN WE DO. Don’t pretend to be a physicist (I’m fairly certain if I was i wouldnt be jerking it about Everquest) but if something can reach me to hit me shouldn’t I in a dungeon and dragons duel alternate universe have an opportunity to strike back at it? Dungeon Masters abroad let me know im eagerly awaiting your feedback and expertise, but anyway we’re not even going to talk about the fact that the vast majority of the zone is intended for players who could never kill shit there; we’ll leave it at: IT SUCKS.

Now that you’ve sunk your teeth into that, lets talk about the itemization: Spoiler Alert, with the exception of a few chase items; It sucks. Why does it suck? Because upgrading gear from 320 to 350-375 wouldn’t be so bad if nearly every upgrade didn’t start the “Circle of Fuck“. Coined by me right this very second; here’s an example of the circle of fuck in action: I have beneficial spell-haste on my earring but that DK ear looking proper, so I grab the ear and look for a bene spell haste item,  The bene spell haste item that works for me dislodges my fero item, So I pick up another fero item but the fero item I picked up makes me lose parry/block, So I go to get myself a new parry/block item only to find that it is on the same slot as my heal focus,  its never ending. Why fucking bother, I’ll wait 8 weeks and get better gear in TSS. Fuck it. Aside from a few chase items forget about it.

That’s enough NACL for one day, lets talk about the part of this expansion I love. Deathknell, Tower of Dissonance. This zone’s theme and raids hit. I still get the sweet whiff of nostalgia doing the Gargoyle Enforcer event like it was yesterday. It also is arguably the best looking zone in EverQuest.

     From a TLP server perspective, the reoccuring theme of “This content has become way too easy from all of the live update power creeps that inadvertently effect TLP content” persists but that’s a salt mine for another day. I could write a 5,000 word essay on that and you def don’t wanna get me started.

What else have we got thats good to say about PoR? Aura’s are cool, there are a few class defining abilities from this expansion: Bloodlust Aura and Decrepit Skin the most obvious that come to mind. Bards got an aura version of their overhaste/over-cap spell/dot dmg to free up a song slot finally, all these are great ideas and Circle of Power/Guardian/Mana are all power upgrades worth chasing. Idol of Malos is a game changer, Druids got a group heal, Shamans got a group HoT, Warriors got a snap, Clerics get their first group elixir since luclin.

In the end, we got

  • mostly positives in the class progression column
  • Deathknell is incredible
  • Some cool new effects/items I.E. Circle of Power
  • The rest of this expansion hitting the recycle bin on 7/20

AY YOOO! There’s 8 Glizzys in a pack 
and following the general theme of the update we giving PoR a moderate 4/8 glizzys ya heard… Serpent’s Spine on deck, here’s the we survived DoDH-PoR guild-shot.

 

Until next time deuces muh gooses

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